- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
This is the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me.
I was given an heirloom diamond ring from my FI, from his grandma. The whole family was fine with me reeciving the ring, including my FMIL. He was given the ring by his grandma specifically for him to give to his future wife (he’s the oldest grandchild). She has since passed on, and the rest of her jewelry was given to different members of the family. I’ve only had the ring about a month.
Yesterday, my FMIL called me and asked if she could come talk to me about somethinng weird. we have areally good relationship, and go for coffee about once a week, so that wasn’t weird at all. When I got to lunch, her sister was with her. I’ve only met her sister a few times, so that part was weird!
Apparently, her sister’s daughter wanted the ring I was given. She’s about to get engaged, and her FI came to my FMIL (everyone knew her side had the ring that I have now) to get it, as she had told him that that was the ring she wanted. It’s her grandmother’s ring, so I get that it’s important to her. My FMIL stood up for me, saying that the ring had been left to my FI, and he had given it to me, because it was his to give out, not just for anyone in the family. Everyone seems to understan, this, and no one wants to take the ring away from me/thinks I don’t deserve it. (infact, I think had that side known that the ring had been given to me already, she wouldnt have asked for it, as my FMIL’s sister felt horrible once she learned that I had already been given it) My FMIL’s sister proposed a “compromise” to me to think about. No one is forcing me to do either, it was an option given to me to decide what to do. The option for me to say no and keep my ring is still up there.
Her offer is for me to keep either the center diamond, or the setting, and she will pay for me to pick out a new diamond/setting in my choice. That way, her daughter gets a part of the ring that belonged to her grandmother, but I get to keep part of it, and don’t feel like I’m being ‘forced’ to give it up. She is offering up to $15,000 for me to replace whatever part I give to her daughter. We just got the diamond in the ring appraised- it’s a 0.85 carat round brilliant, ideal cut, H color, SI1, set in a white gold halo with an additional 0.20 in the halo (The halo diamonds aren’t very good quality). It’s worth less then the $15,000 she’s offering me, however the fact it’s a family ring and it’s the ring my FI propsed with is makes it worth a lot to me.
I love my ring, but I’m considering separating it. To be honest, I would probably give her the setting, keep the diamond and pick out a setting I like a bit more. But at the same time, I’m torn. It’s my engagement ring, how can I think about separating it, and just giving it to another woman to use as an engagement ring?! No one is pressuring me to make a choice, so far only my SO, my FMIL, and her sister know what’s going on. The rest of the family knows I was given the ring (still not sure how that little detail was lost getting back to the girl asking for my ring, but whatever), and I’m worried that if I show up with a new setting, someone’s going to think I didn’t love the family heirloom enough and it’s going to cause issues with my inlaws! I want to be happy with my ring, but I don’t want part of the family hating me becuse of it.
What would you do if you were in my shoes? What should I do?