Post # 1
I have been friends with my friend X my entire life. We went to grade school together highschool and even college. Our families are very close and our brothers and sisters are even friends.
I got engaged a year ago and my wedding is coming up this August. My Fiance picked out a ring that I dreamed about my entire life. I wanted my ring to look like my Grandma’s engagement ring. I use to sit on my grandmas lap as a child and try her ring on and I would ask her if I could have it and she would smile and so silly. No, some nice boy will buy you the ring our dreams. I got the ring of my dreams when Brad proposed I said yes.
My friend X has been dating her boyfriend since highschool They will have dated 10 years by the time they get married next summer. Everyone around us has been getting engaged and I know she was starting to feel the heat of I have been dating my boyfriend the longest and everyone around me is getting engaged.
Sure enough.. her time has come!
I got the call late last night that he had proposed! I was so happy for her but then she described the ring to me. She said it has small little diamonds on the side and one big round diamond in the middle… she said I kinda wanted it look like my grandma’s. She kept talking about the ring. And then she says " doesn’t your ring look like that kinda" I was unable to speak in shock of hearing what she was saying. I said yeah it does. I know her grandma and it I have scene her ring. It is not how she describes it! I could not even believe she would take my grandma story along with copying my ring!
I knew she liked my ring. At her brother graduation party she showed her boyfriend at the time my ring and said isn’t that nice. I let her try my ring on the day after I got engaged beucase she was a close friend and I loved my ring.
When other girlfriends were getting engaged she said she didn’t know what kind of ring she wanted. She would said she did not want it to look like emerald city. Whatever that is suppose to mean. She then said I kinda want one like yours.
I am so hurt that my friend would take my ring and get herself one just like it! Engagement rings are suppose to be uniqe. They are suppose to represent your person style. We are complete opposites and have butted heads the last couple of years! I don’t know what to do. I really want to say something? Is it wrong if I do? I just don’t know how anyone could do such a thing and then act like she didn’t even know what my ring looked like in the first place. When I know she knew exactely what it looked like. It makes me not like my ring because it takes away the unqiness of my ring. NOT the meaning behind it but the individualiity of the ring. This is the biggest purchase of my life my favorite piece of jewelry. How could she tell her boyfriend to get the same one. And yes she did tell him. I feel like I want a different ring to make my ring unique again. But that is just wrong and I don’t want to feel that way but she stole my ring!!!! WHO DOES THAT!!!!
One last comment…. When I first got engaged her mom asked.. Did you help Brad pick it out? I said no he did it all by himself (which he did). I gave him some pointers…. HER MOM SAID … YOU WOULD!!!! and now her daughter is walking around with my ring on her hand!!! Her mother should have said congrats that is so exciting NOT YOU WOULD!
I just don’t know what to do. I could use anyone advice? Has this happened to anyone else? Should I say something? I think I may have to burn a bridge over this!!
Post # 3
Oh hun I’m sorry. I wish I had some really profound advice but I don’t, it sounds like to me, you have a rather standard style ring these days. Not that anything was "standard" about why you wanted that style or what not – but my ring has little diamond on the side and a larger one in the middle…
Just remember, if she did it to copy you, she obviously looks up to you in a great way. If he piced it for her with out knowing, he has exceptional taste.
Your ring is special because of who gave it to you and what it sybolizes in your life. Your prince, the man of your dreams handed it to you asking you to be his wife. Her ring may look similar to yours but it will never hold the power yours does!
Saying soemthing, isn’t going to do anything. SHe won’t return it, it just might ruin your friendship. And you have to decide if her having the same/similar ring is worth that.
Post # 4
It’s really unfortunate that your friend rained on your e-ring party, so to speak. You’re right that it’s a very special thing, especially with a story like yours re: your grandma, lifelong hopes for a ring like that, etc.
That being said, in my honest opinion I don’t think it’s enough to end a friendship over. I think you should definitely tell your friend how you feel about the issue, and then I think you should let it go. Make sure you get different bands, as obviously the uniqueness if very important for you (and for sure I agree). You’ll always know how special and personal your ring is to you and how awesome your DH is for making that dream a reality. No one else can take that away from you!! GL…
Post # 5
Have you actually seen her ring yet? It may not look exactly like yours even if she does describe it as such. I think sometimes on this board we all get too competitive and try to one-up each other, as it sounds like she’s doing to you. As awful as it sounds, I can probably bet this won’t be the last time she copys something you’re doing/done for the wedding and beyond. It totally sucks but just take a deep breath. Your engagement ring was given to you – and designed by, it sounds like – a guy who is totally in love with you. Someone having the kind of same ring as you doesn’t take anything away from that.
Post # 6
I think you’re being a little petty. Just let it go. Unless your FI had the ring custom made, someone is always going to have the "same" ring. The thing that you have going for you is that you got the ring first and your FI picked it out himself (even if you gave him hints). She’s got to live with the fact that her ring is an exact copy of yours and that is probably disappointing her on the inside. Maybe she told her FI that she wants a ring like yours (take it as a compliment), you know how guys can be, taking directions literally and buying a ring just like yours.
Just be happy for her and she will be happy for you. I can’t help but pick up competitive vibes from you and your friend and that’s never going to end well.
Post # 7
I am sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds like you had been bumping heads lately and this last situation did not help. With saying that, my ring also has small diamonds on the side and a round stone in the middle. When I showed it to my sister she loved it and was exactly what she wanted so she was bummed that her ring had to be different. Because she stated this I would have been fine with her getting one like mine. (she is the one that has to have different, not me)
I would just let it go and not make it worse, what is important is that you love YOUR ring and who gave it to you. Try not to let her take any of that away from you.
Good luck 🙂
Post # 8
Your ring is unique because it was given to you on a special day by your fiance. It’s not like your fiance gave the ring to her! A nice way to look at it is that she must really admire you and your ring (and probably felt a bit of jealousy). Honestly, an engagement ring is something you share with your fiance, not something that you share with your friends and family. Her relationship has nothing to do with your relationship and your engagement.
I would be flattered that she wanted to copy me. There are probably other things that she admires about you as well. Just enjoy your engagement and try not to let the little bumps bother you.
Post # 9
I don’t know, if I was in that situation I don’t think I would be that upset. It’s not like you two will be comparing rings every day, there are better things in life. I know for a fact there are other people in this world that have the same ring as me, mine wasn’t custom made, but I do know that my FI picked it out for me and that’s what matters.
I agree with the other posters, take it as a form of flattery. Give it a month and you’ll probably wonder why you even thought it is was such a big deal 🙂 You should be happy you get to plan a wedding to a wonderful man, who cares what anyone else does.
Post # 10
i have to agree with the statement that unless you saw it it may actually NOT be the same as yours – i find it hard to tell a jeweler the descript of a ring and have them reproduce it unless she gave them a picture of your unique ring.
another thing to consider is this: if you are the "trendsetter" she will always pale in comparison. you wil always have the ideas and she will only be an admirer. you can’t beat the original or replace the creator – for the rest of your life you will still have your own tastes and your own designs of how you dress, live, love, etc and frankly the saying goes "often imitated but never…" i hope this helps
Post # 11
i would agree with everyone above….but i also wouldn’t say anything to her either. i just can’t imagine the conversation being very…productive and would only cause strife and likely a rift in your friendship (although it sounds like you probably don’t consider herself much of a friend anyways). in either case, there is quite a chance that the ring is not exaactly the same since i’m sure each jeweler designs a ring with the design that you liked a little different from the other. the description of the ring that was provided by your friend is somewhat vague and generic to be quite frank. although its easy to say this, i would try not to feel like all of this is a competition or make it all about being unique or else you’ll probably drive yourself (and only yourself and maybe your fiance) crazy, as well as miserable. its not worth it. your ring is special because of the story of your grandmother and because your fiance self picked it to give to you. and if we are all truly honest with ourselves in regards to the wedding world, we need to see that that somewhere, sometime, much of what we do or believe is our own unique design has often been "copied", or at the very least "inspired" by someone else’s dress/ring/picture we saw (whether its consciously or unconsciously done…)…which is ok!! flattery is the best way to think of your friend’s actions…
most importantly, congratulations on your engagement!! don’t let this get you down!
Post # 12
Apparently your friend had no ideas of what she might want on her own, and so she had to copy you (and your story). That’s actually pretty sad, that her ring is only a copy of yours. That said, I agree absolutely with two things the other girls have said – that unless your FI had your ring custom designed, it’s not unique either – and that unless your friend had a picture of your ring to give her jeweler, it’s probably not actually identical to yours. Let’s face it – big round center stone with small diamonds on either side describes over 50% of the e-rings out there. We did have my ring custom made – and it’s a round, brilliant cut center stone with small diamonds (four channel set) on either side. The actual setting is pretty unique, in that I have yet to see another one anything like it, but we started our design from a photo I downloaded from the internet, so it is actually based on a design that anyone can buy.
Your ring is unique – because of what it means to you. You based it on a memory that meant a lot to you, although I doubt that it’s exactly like your grandmother’s ring. Your friend’s ring is undoubtedly different from both your grandmother’s ring and your ring in many ways. Don’t let her lack of originality diminish your enjoyment of your ring.
And as far as her mom goes – I would take it as a compliment (whether it was meant that way or not). I didn’t just give my FI some pointers – we picked out the center stone together, and I gave the jeweler the design for the setting. Everybody who knows us would say YOU WOULD. Because I am picky picky – I didn’t like any of the rings I saw in the jewelry stores – and my FI wanted me to have something I would love. When he saw what I wanted, he agreed it was totally me, and totally unlike anything we had seen anywhere else. You don’t have to apologize or feel bad for knowing what you wanted and having an FI who cared enough to get it for you.