My friend is having a miscarriage. This is harder than I thought!

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
1360 posts
Bumble bee

Aww that’s awful 🙁 especially on Christmas… There’s no advice you can give her that would be more useful than what her doctor will tell her. Just be there for her, be available to talk, maybe send her a happy card or email, and maybe a small gift. They may not be able/willing to cook in the next few days, so ordering takeout or something for them could be nice and can be done from afar.

The best thing that my good friend, who lives far away, did for me when I was down was text me a Skype date with instructions to bring a whiskey. We cheered over Skype and talked and cried and I felt so much better afterwards. Not sure if she drinks (she shouldn’t drink too much anyway due to the blood loss) but something like that could help.

I’ve read some threads on miscarriages on WBee and there’s a lot of really nice responses that could give you ideas of what to say. I have never gone through that but it may help to remind her that it’s not her fault, and that it’s a good thing (if the baby had been born, it might have had disabilities or problems).

Post # 4
3378 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Please tell her to hang on and stay strong.  Light period bleeding might not mean a miscarriage.  My mom swore she was miscarrying my brother and he’s 40 years old.  Some ladies will continue to have periods their whole pregnancy long. I know her fears and I understand them all too well since I’ve had 6 miscarriages.  I’m hoping that this ends up being nothing for her and that her fears will be proven unfounded tomorrow.  I do very much understand as well that this could indeed be a miscarriage.  In that case, just be there for her.  Don’t try and fix it (you can’t), don’t try and explain it (you can’t), don’t try and make it better (you can’t).  Just be there for her.  Tell her how sorry you are.  Pray for her and her family and offer her all the strength you can.  

I’m so sorry for your friend to have these fears and worries especially today of all days.  Many thoughts, prayers, love, and strength being sent her way.  <3 

Post # 5
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I just had a MC a week ago, at 8 weeks. Honestly, in my case anyway, there teally isn’t anything you can say or do to help her along. It was the most emotionally and physically painful things I have ever gone through. She can go to the ER, but they won’t really do anything other then an US to check for baby. I started out spotting around 10 am and by 9 pm I passed the fetus… I sat in the ER for 8 hours :-/…. But think I would have been more comfortable at home. 


Just be supportive of her and make sure she knows you are there for anything! 

Post # 6
2614 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@candy11:  I had a miscarriage a few weeks ago. And you’re right… It is much harder than I had ever imagined. It was the people that recognised that (and many dont) and were (and still are) there for me that I really appreciate. Thats all you can do for her now. Do as much or as little as is needed and keep letting her that you are thinking of her. I’ve friends who phoned/texted after it happened but I havent heard from since. I get that people are really busy but I guess they don’t realise that I’m still hurting. I have a couple who still phone/txt and let me know they are thinking about me… That really means the world to me. I’m very sorry to hear about your friend.

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