my friend is offended that I did not ask her to be a BM

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You have to do what works for you. Believe me with wedding planning you are always bound to offend someone. Just explain the situation to her but don’t allow her to guilt trip you!

Hope it all work out! 

Post # 5
Hostess
9892 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Julybride88:  I have been the really hurt friend, but I never said anything to the bride (although I think she realized it).  She ended up asking me to do the slideshow for their wedding/she asked for volunteers and I jumped all over it – I’ve known her since we were 5 years old.  Is there something else you can ask her to do?  Are you having an emcee?  Are you doing readings?  Perhaps you can message her and explain that while she isn’t in the bridal party you were planning on asking her to play another part in the wedding and just hadn’t worked out the details yet?  (unless you don’t want to in which case you just have to explain that while her friendship means the world to you you don’t want to have a huge bridal party and you’re already at 5 girls).

Post # 6
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yep, I asked a friend to be one of my personal assistants instead of a BM. She said yes than later backed out cause she was pissed I didn’t have her as BM.  I had been in her wedding as a BM some years back.  We were no longer that close and she got upset because the 2 out of the 3 BM’s I had chose had been friends shorter amount of time.

I don’t talk to her anymore she is just a bitter, bitter person now days

Post # 8
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

yeah, I am not chosing one girl and she would be left out from wedding photos (well, we are not close at all plus she is not a family, but BIL’s grilfriend). She might be hurt and my MIL feels bad for her that she is left out. I ty not to care and go with girls I chose since I want to be with ppl I trust and not with somebody who will try t steal th spotlight.

Post # 10
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If I were in her shoes I’d be grateful (no offense – not about you but the cost of being a bridesmaid!) Plus, with interstate travel it would be even more expensive for her.

I mean if she wants to be a brat and put up an immature stink, you also don’t have to invite her at all. Problem: solved. :/

Post # 11
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Julybride88:  I wasn’t asked to be a BM by either of three friends I considered myself close to.  It hurt and I am only friends with one of them today.  Either she’ll get over it or she won’t but you’ve made your decision and ultimately you have to do what works for you.  I don’t have any anger towards the two I am no longer friends with, I just realized I thought we were closer friends than we actually were so I let the other two friendships slowly fade.  I didn’t even attend the third friend’s wedding.

 

Post # 12
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

This is exactly why we are not having bridesmaids and groomsmen.  My fiance has one brother and I have one sister so we are only having a MOH and a Best Man, but I have however invited a few of my friends to hang out with me to get ready and be in photos prior to the wedding.

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