- 3 years ago
Longtime bee going anon. I have known my best friend forever, and I am not sure if I should be honest or not (as horrible as that sounds).
Jen has always wanted a baby, even when she was single. Since she was 19 (she’s not almost 29), she always said how if she wasn’t married soon she was going to go get “knocked up.” I typically kept my mouth shut because I had no idea what to say, and it wasn’t my life.
Jen recently got married. Her husband is an atrocious piece of crap to put it bluntly. She let him move in after two days, and after a few weeks they were engaged and got married very soon after—-all within 10 months. She asked how I felt about him, I was honest and said I couldn’t stand him. She agrees that he is a difficult person and has a drinking problem. First, they live in a house with mold in the walls. The basement is all tore up becuase of the water damage that has occured over the years. She has even said the place should be tore down or condemned. So they have decided to build a new house. He is supposed to be building it and calling contractors and what not, and he hasn’t done anything. She is always having to do it because he forgets or because he “makes the money” she should have to do everything (she works but he makes more, so that was her way of justifying him. She even said that they were supposed to do some things with the pipes in these past few days, and he invited a friend to specifcally do this project and instead he and his friend got drunk and they stood staring at the pipes. She got mad, left without him, yadda, yadda, yadda. So far, their house is just a pile of dirt. Nothing has been constructed, and he wants to do it all himself.
Second, he is an alcoholic. He gets very loud and obnoxious when drunk (I’ve seen it). She will often tell me how he came home from grabbing an 18 pack, and he will stumble down the steps. He has been to the doctor twice this past year for sprained ankles from falling drunk. He even called in to work today claiming that Jen had a car accident, so he was going to miss work when really he just got so shitfaced yesterday he was still puking this morning. Third, he is just flat out mean. Jen is tall and slender (5’10” 180 pounds), IMO, but he often calls her fat or slaps her stomach (one time he even “dressed” her in a shirt with a Budda on it becuase he told her she was “fat” and it would be fitting). He’s just not a nice guy, and he and I have gotten into it more than several times becuase when he’s wrong, he will NOT admit it, even if the evidence is right there in his face.
She’s the one that has to deal with him, not me, so I just listen. However, she just wrote me an e-mail saying they are trying for a baby. I have a baby of my own, so motherhood is very sensitive to me. While I feel they are in no place to have a baby, I have never said so. However…she is asking me what I think now after a recent e-mail. Even after they DTD, and she ended up getting her period he said two things: “I’m disappointed but also relieved.” and “You need to lose the tubby belly or fill it.” She thinks its so funny, and I almost feel like she is making pregnancy and motherhood a big joke by laughing at the fact that he hits her belly and calls her fat and says it needs to be filled or she needs to exercise pretty much. She’s asking me how I feel about them having a baby, and a part of me wants to say EFF NO because I don’t think it would be fair for this child, but another part feels like even though she wants my advice it isn’t my place. I don’t want to lie to her and say I’m happy about it because I’m not, but I don’t want to really state my opinion either. Or do I just ignore the fact she has said anything?? I’m not scared she will be mad at me. I couldn’t care less honestly. We’ve been friends for so long, we feel like sisters, and we’ve always been able to be honest with each other, but I am tired of hearing her make excuses for his piss poor behavior.
So do I say something if she asks what I think or just keep my mouth shut?