My Friend Making Big Mistake?

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 3
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Personally, I wouldn’t say a word to her. It was wrong for her FI to contact you about their financial problems. This is something that they need to work out between the two of them.

Post # 5
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Mind your business. She’s grown and will do what she wants in the end. I don’t know why he’s putting you in the middle. he sleeps with her yet she’s not listening, what makes him think you are going to have more pull?

Post # 6
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do. Some people just learn the hard way. If her own FI can’t get through to her, it’s unlikely you will, and it will probably just cause more problems. I would stay out of it.

Post # 7
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Do not get involved in this, how is their marriage going to function if they need a third party to come in and screw their heads on???

Post # 8
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@WeddingBells2014:  If this is a mental health thing then he needs to call her doctor, not her friend.

I’m sure you mean well but stay out of it.

Post # 9
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@WeddingBells2014:  It’s still wrong. I would be ubber pissed at my FI if he went to one of my friends and told them about our finanical situation. If he is concerned about her health-he needs to take her to a doctor.

Like another poster said, I highly doubt that you are going to be able to get through to her. I have a feeling all that is going to end up happening is you losing a friendship.

Post # 10
44 posts

You can say all you want but by the sound of things she just won’t listen. If she can’t hear her FI then I doubt she’ll listen to you, if anything she’ll just come to resent you.

Post # 11
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I suggest you speak with her but don’t bring this up. If she is having a breakdown she may see this as you two scheming behind her back and will hate both of you for it. Instead you may want to sit her down and ask her how things are, make sure she is okay.

You can gently bring up the wedding and ask her how thats going, if she brings up the fight or the deposit situation that is when you can input that people would understand and that it’d be better to put planning off until she knows they have the money.

If you end up tackling the issue without her introducing it she’ll likley have a meltdown at your place as well. If she is as proud as you say this will be a major blow to her as she likely thinks that even though you know about their situation that you don’t know she can’t afford a wedding.

When you do speak to her and you feel something is medically wrong with her I would speak to her FI and express your concern. Tell him that he needs to reach out and get her some professional help and not let her spiral out of control, chances are she needs a professional to help her get through this.

It is kind of unfair that he put this on her shoulders, if anything he should’ve reached out to her family first and then to close friends.

Post # 12
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It’s quite frankly none of your FI’s business, and certainly none of yours.

I recommend you stay out of other peoples finances.

Post # 13
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree with all the posters so far.. If she can’t even listen to her FI, why would she listen to anyone else? She might be so embarassed that you know about their financial situation and end up hurting or upsetting you too!


Post # 15
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

That really REALLY REALLY sucks. But it’s not your business. I can understand that her fiance is desparate and is just reaching out because he hasn’t been able to get through to her. But ultimately this is a decision and discussion for them and I don’t think you can tactfully tell you friend she’s wrong.

What you can do is be a supportive friend. You can support her without supporting her decisions. You can also talk to her about your own financial struggles and decision to cancel your wedding. In fact, I’d talk about that a lot. Maybe even ask her advice or how she’s handling things. But don’t be accusatory or she’ll just get defensive and panicky. If you can show vulnerability, maybe that will help her get over her pride and discuss her own money concerns as well. At that point, I think it’s okay to offer advice and support and do all the things that a good friend would do.

Also, I would, under no circumstances, tell her that you were contacted about this by her fiance. Unless she directly asks, and then I wouldn’t lie. But I definitely would not bring it up. You’re her friend. That’s what you should be. 

Post # 16
6953 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@WeddingBells2014:  Yeah, I’m concerned about her mental health at this point too. I mean, we are getting married later than we planned because *I* am out of work. We are not in danger of being homeless or anything, but we certainly don’t have enough to think about planning a big party right now. 

I doubt you’re going to get a different reaction than he is. Are her parents around? Seriously, I think she needs therapy and medication, but she probably can’t afford it and doesn’t think she needs it. 

I guess you could start the conversation by seeming like you’re asking her advice for how to pay for your wedding, since she seems to be doing it with less than you. Maybe just talking about how you can’t seem to manage it might open the door? But again, I don’t see this ending well at all. 

Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors