My Friend's BF is hitting on me, sending me pics and messages…

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

This whole sitch sounds fucked up. Block him. He sounds like a perv. Don’t hesitate to block him if he’s making you feel uncomfortable. If you tell your friend I don’t see the point. She might just be mad at you for no reason. She cheats so what would it really matter if one of her bf’s cheated?

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Coventina.
Post # 4
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t think I would ever tell a guy who was being inappropriate that I just got out of the shower.. Even if that was what I was doing. The whole thing sounds a little ridiculous and I would have cut him off the minute he started being inappropriate. It sounds like one big ball of drama that I wouldn’t want to take any part in anyway. Just my opinion.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  MrsClumsy.
Post # 5
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Silly_love:  Yeah, she might just get mad at you rather than him. I wouldn’t say anything unless she asks. Like if he mentioned you blocked him. That way, when she finds out he flirted with you, at least she’s finding out because you rejected his advances.

Post # 7
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

MrsClumsy:  Um, I don’t see anything wrong with that. That’s like saying you just went swimming. What was she supposed to do? Lie? I tell my male friends if I got out of the shower if they ask what I’m doing. I don’t see how that is flirting or anything. If simply telling someone they got out of the shower is flirting, then I flirt a whole lot with my mom.

Post # 9
Member
2151 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Block him and stop talking/responding to him. I wouldn’t bother telling your friend. It doesn’t sound like she takes her relationships too seriously anyways, so it’s not worth it, especially if you think it will cause an issue.

Post # 10
Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Silly_love:  this whole situation is ridiculous. You should have shut him down the first time he was inappropriate, before it escalated to the point where he thought it was a good idea to send you pictures of his penis. Block him, do not talk to him, do not hang out with him. He and your friend are in an open relationship. Don’t worry about them. What you should be worried about is how you being a party to this behavior, which is outside the boundaries of your relationship, could impact you and your fiance. And, for God’s sake if your fiancé has such a temper that he “wouldn’t hesitate to beat this guy to a pulp” do not tell him…unless you want him to end up in jail. 

Post # 11
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

alpinebride:  Haha that made me laugh.

I would tell your friend.  Just think, what if she saw somehow that he sent you that photo and you hadn’t told her?  That would look a whole lot worse than if you tell her what happened and leave it at that.  If she gets mad at you for telling her the truth, that’s her problem.  You wouldn’t have done anything wrong.

Post # 13
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

 

alpinebride:  I never said there is anything wrong with telling someone that. I said there was something wrong with telling someone, who has been making inappropriate comments, that. Telling a guy who has been flirting and being inappropriate that you just got out of the shower is a lot different then telling your Mom or close friend. 

Post # 14
Member
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

Tell her!! That is rude, disgusting, & in appropriate! & tbh I don’t feel to bad for her since she has two bfs, though I still think she deserves to know. Save the messages & show her or something.

In high school, my first long time bf hit on my best friend, & I admit I resented her a little, but then I realized it wasn’t her fault at all, it was his For being scum :P.  It helped me realize what a d bag he was, & if i can’t I trust him with my bf I can’t trust him with anyone! Granted, it took me a while to dump him after, but still 😛

Post # 15
Member
876 posts
Busy bee

  alpinebride:  He sent her a pic of his penis yesterday and today she tells him she is just getting out of the shower. He is absolutely gonna take that and run with it and she is absolutely giving him the wrong impression. As others have said, you should have shut him down in no uncertain terms the first or second time he was inappropriate with you. By not saying anything, you led him to believe his behavior is okay. And I think hiding this from your FI is a bad idea. If this all comes out at sometime in the future, it’s going to look really bad for you. First, you hang out with a woman who strings 2 guys along and cheats on her live-in boyfriend. I can tell you that neither me nor my FI would think much of the other hanging out with someone like that. Second, you repeatedly allow this guy to be grossly inappropriate with you. Third, you have inadvertently made it so you and this guy are now sharing a secret against your FI. Not cool. What if dude decides to blindside your FI at some point down the road? Being in *cahoots* with this guy will almost certainly come back to bite you in the ass. A lot of people believe that *you are who you hang with*. This guy is testing the waters with you. He wants to see if you share the same basic moral code and values as your friend. Since you didn’t immediately shut him down, he is pushing the boundaries more and more, looking for the very edge of your comfort zone. He also has zero respect for your FI. Guys don’t send dick pics to a woman if they respect her SO. Doesn’t happen. Now what it boils down to is he doesn’t respect your friend, he doesn’t respect her SO, he doesn’t respect you and he doesn’t respect your SO and now the 2 of you share a secret from everyone. Awesome. I think you need to bite the bullet, tell this guy where to go, tell your friend and tell your FI everything. You need to be honest. You are not responsible for everyone’s feelings or reactions to the truth. Just stick to the truth and let the chips fall where they may but at least it won’t turn into some major clusterfuck down the road when it comes out that you were hiding things. And it will come out. This kind of fucked up crap always explodes into a huge dramafest at some point.

ETA: I also meant to say, I don’t think just blocking him with out any conversation at all is the right way to go. It just leaves things open for him to tell hmself all kinds of things about why he is blocked. You need to lay it on the line for him. Just like not being straight with him when he started this, not being straight with him now is going to leave too much open to interpretation

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