- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
We are having a “destination” wedding at a venue somewhere in between my hometown and my fiancee’s hometown. We want an intimate and small gathering, and will be inviting about 85 guests total, with an expected 40-60 guests on the actual day. Because we both have large families, we’ve had to be pretty harsh when it comes to whittling down the number of invites we’re sending out. The venue is already booked, but since the wedding isn’t until September 2012, we haven’t yet done the invitations – just the final list.
And then on the weekend we had my future FIL over for dinner (he lives out of town and drops by randomly every couple weeks or so), and he dropped a bomb. He asked us how the planning was coming, then oh so casually said “oh, by the way, I invited a, b, c, d, and e to the wedding. They’re sooo excited! I hope that’s OK!”. Then he swiftly changed the subject while I sat there staring with my mouth hanging open in shock. My fiancee turned around and gave me a look like “what did he just say?”, but he didn’t say anything.
A little background here on my fiancee and his father’s relationship:
When FI was little, his parents had a very tumultuous relationship that often turned violent. FI was caught in the middle, witnessed everything, and a few times was targeted by his dad’s drug-fueled rages. When his parents divorced, FI didn’t see his father for about 12 years. About a year ago, future FIL came a knocking on our door, clean and sober, and very repentant. He admitted to everything, he apologized for everything, and he threw himself at FI’s feet begging for forgiveness and a chance to be part of our lives. Everything has gone swimmingly since. They get along great, and FI actually gets excited at the idea of spending time with his father now. BUT, FI doesn’t like to make waves. He’s VERY passive in this relationship.
So what do I do? Do I upset the balance and call future FIL on his rude assumption that he can invite whoever he wants to our wedding? Or do I just let it slide? Any suggestions on how to tackle this if I do decide to confront him? Is it even my place to do that, or should FI be doing it? I have no idea how to handle this. I still can’t even believe that someone took it upon themselves to invite their friends to our wedding!
I’ve never met any of the people he invited, FI’s met one of them – it’s his father’s oldest friend. None of them are what could be called his “date” – he hasn’t been seeing anyone since he broke up with his girlfriend over a year ago.
We are paying for the entire wedding ourselves – though my parents have offered to help if things come up that we haven’t budgeted for. So far there have been no offers of help from anyone on his side – including future FIL. We’re be paying about $50/head for the dinner.
I hope that’s enough information for you guys to form an opinion.