Post # 1
Soooo up until now I’ve been lucky enough to say that my future in-laws are wonderful, kind-hearted people who I’m blessed to call my future family. And all of that is true. HOWEVER, we are finally narrowing down our guest list to a final draft, and my FI’s parents decide to invite 10 couples of their friends – 8 of which my FI has never met. His extended family is huge, and so we already have 63 people on the guest list that are JUST his immediate/extended family! (His father was an oopsy baby, about 25 years behind his siblings, so his “nieces and nephews” are older than him with children of their own.. and EVERYONE gets an invite. ugh.)
Now, my parents are helping with the wedding, but by and large, it’s mostly me and the FI paying for this shindig. We have told his parents that the guest list needs to be narrowed down and we hope that a max of 130 people will show up, but those 10 friends (plus spouses!) that we don’t know really don’t fit well into our budget. Their response was that they will pay for anyone that they want to invite and decide to come. We just need to give them a per head cost.
My question is this: Is this acceptable? I don’t want to step on anybody’s toes, and don’t want to offend my future in laws or their friends, and certainly am grateful they offered to pay for their invitees, but it feels strange.
Post # 3
I think most likely I would just let them pay. Unless I really didn’t want to have them at my wedding. It wouldn’t be a huge problem for me as long I dont think!
Post # 4
if they’re going to pay and there’s space at the venue I don’t see what the problem is.
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@eam253: When we were doing guest lists, we told family members we didn’t want anyone that either of us haven’t met.
Now I know that won’t be a good guideline for some situations and lots of people will disagree with me just because FI’s family are helping, but we’re in the same boat with both families helping but we’re paying most. I would show them what 20 people equates to in food and added space at the venue.
Post # 6
@MrsWBS: Exactly what she said!
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
If you and FI are adamant about not having guests there that you have never met, I would try talking to the ILs again. But if you’re okay with them paying for those guests, I’d roll with it.
Post # 8
i was told it is proper to invite the same amount of guests from each side.. we are doing roughly 35 from each side, and extending as far into each family [so if you extend to cousins from the grooms side, you match it on the brides side], however, there will be exceptions made for close friends [we will split those evenly between us, even though he’ll have more going], and co workers.
Post # 9
I think the 8 couples you don’t know should be cut, it sounds like they are taking up almost half the guest list with just their family and they don’t need to add 16 people that you don’t know especially since they aren’t contributing to the wedding the cost. I would have FI speak to them about taking the people you don’t know off the guest list because this is your wedding not yours and you should know the people in attendance.
Post # 10
oh wow, I’m in the same position as you. Last time I heard, FI’s parents wanted to invite about 10-20 of their friends, whom neither my FI or I have even met. While our guest list is not as small as yours (our estimate is between 150-180), I’m trying to keep costs down as much as possible and I feel like 10-20 is too much for people we’ve never met. FI’s family is also bigger, so the guest list count on his side of the family just for his immediate family is taking up more of the guest list. My parents are only inviting a small handful of friends, and I have known them my whole life so I felt like that situation was different. We’re flying home for the holidays and I’m not looking forward to collecting their guest list names and having to tell them they may not be able to invite all their friends. For me personally, it doesn’t matter if they are paying/offer to pay for their friends (both sets of our parents are helping pay for the reception and their own family and guests, but we are paying for everything else); I’m just honestly not interested in being introduced to people for the first time EVER at our wedding. Meeting them prior to the wedding isn’t an option either because FI and I are living in another city and planning our wedding (in our hometown) long distance. I can understand if your parents want to invite friends because it’s their celebration too, but if they were so important, why have we never met them? We don’t even know their names.
Please let me know what you end up doing and how it works out! good luck!
Post # 11
This will sound totally gift-grabby, but…eh, whatever..
We received the best gifts (read: largest checks) from friends of our parents. Some of whom we never met. The way I see it..you’ll be getting 10 more gifts thrown onto the pile by people that you don’t even have to pay to host. And you get to score points with the in-laws on top of it. Sounds like a win/win to me.
Post # 12
at least they offered to pay. my FI’s parents haven’t really paid for much compared dto my parents yet want to invite way more people (also some of which FI does’t know). they haven’t offered anything really.
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
If they are willing to pay for those guests and you have the space at the venue, I would accept that offer. Weddings are important moments in the lives of the parents too and they want to share their joy with their friends. I’d just make sure that your own parents are extended the opportunity to invite 20 or so friends as well if they want to.
Post # 14
I think it is nice of them to offer to pay for the additional headcount. If your venue permits and they are willing to follow through and pay for their extra guests, I’d take them up on it.
Post # 15
@mrsSonthebeach: agree with what you said, if the venue is large enough to accomodate, and your FIL are willing to pay for the guests they want to invite, just let them. These people are their friends, and they want to extend an invitation to their sons wedding. I see no problem here. If your venue can no accomodate these people and you need the space for you and your fiances guest than that is a different story and let his parents know.
Post # 16
my FMIL and FFIL invited too many extra people, and aren’t helping to pay for any of them. AND they went beyond the family realm that I had (on my side we went as far as MY aunts and cousins, on their side they went as far as THEIR **not FI’s** Aunts and Cousins. )