Post # 1
I need some advice on how to handle a situation with my future SIL. She is 10 years younger than me and is also getting married this year. She got engaged in September and I got engaged to her brother in November. If that wasn’t bad enough her fiance’s sister got engaged the same week as me. Needless to say my future SIL is none to happy that she has to share her wedding year. She thinks that this year (as well as every year) should be just about her and her wedding. Although she says she has no problem with me getting married at the same time her actions speak a totally different story! Here are a few snipits of her actions …
1. I had to sit at the table while she told everyone the story about when a bride called the bridal story she was working at and wanted to purchase another bridesmaid dress for her brothers new fiance she advised her “Oh sister, don’t even bother adding the new sister-in-law! You should never put a sister-in-law in a wedding, she’ll just ruin all of your pictures when the marriage doesn’t work out … take it from me I know! And I would never do it!”
2. She remarked to a cousin while I was sitting right next to her, that she would have thought that since she waited this long for her wedding she would have had the whole year to herself. When I tried to make light of the situation by saying “Well really, I’ve been waiting a heck of a lot longer …” she cut me off by saying “yeah … we’re talking about me here!”
3. She has included every sister, brother, niece, nephew and Brother-in-law in her wedding from her side and her fiance’s side – except for me. I am the only person not in her wedding in any sort of capacity!!
Now here is the kicker and this is the one I need advice on … My bachorelette party is in a few weeks and she finally RSVP’d and said “Won’t be able to make it. Have fun.” No explanation given! And no personal note to me to explain and/or apologize! So … her bachorlette party is coming up… so … do I attend hers? I am so hurt by her childish acts that I have no desire to attend. I have spent the last year and a half trying to build a relationship with her and her family and I feel that this is a slap in the face. And frankly, I’m tired of being the bigger person!
My FI is fine with me not going and he is really embarrased and mad about his baby sister’s childish behavior!
Post # 3
Do not go to the bach party – it doesn’t sound like she would want you there anyway. What a brat, I am sorry you have to deal with this!!
Post # 4
I wouldn’t go and I wouldn’t offer to help with anything related to her wedding either. She sounds really immature and selfish… but what can you do? I would just try and ignore her and focus on how amazing and beautiful your wedding will be!
Post # 5
I wouldn’t go if I were you! She clearly doesn’t want you to be involved in the wedding anyway so why should you celebrate anything with her unless you are obligated – Don’t go!
Post # 6
Do not go to the bachelorette party. She sounds horrible.
Post # 7
Don’t go. And send the same note back. No. No response.
Leave her with her drama and let her dig her own hole with everybody seeing her negativity. It will come back to haunt her.
Did she watch seinfeld or something? I mean is she celebrating like he did with the “Year of George” or something? Geez I was never made aware you can declare an entire YEAR just to the sheer glory of yourself ya know?
Post # 8
whew … glad to hear I’m not crazy and you guys agree with me!
Post # 9
I say…go. Go to the Bach party. Right now, it may feel ridiculous and you want to protest as much as you can; but go!
There’re two reasons to go:
1. Go and tell all her friends that you are getting married, too! (steal the thunder a bit) and that “you don’t know why but it’s unfortunate that your SIL cannot make it (to yours).” (my guess is that her friends already know she’s a little princess – give them all the confirmation you need to give them and let them know that you are a much better person – next thing you know, all her friends will be saying to your SIL how much they love her new SIL to be!) … do you get my drift?
2. It makes you a better person. Right now you don’t want to; but in 5 years, or 10 years, or way later when your children may be looking at the pictures (yikes!), you’ll come out in the better light. And, you’ll feel better that you took the high road.
I say GO!
Post # 10
Although she is being a brat, I can understand where she is coming from. Within months of our engagement, my dad and sister both got engaged! I was (privately, only with FI and my mom) freaking out and saying “why is this suddenly a TREND?” I would be horrified if their wedding date was anywhere close to mine, and thankfully it isn’t.
I am not a spoiled brat, and would never act the way your FSIL is…but I can imagine that she is genuinely hurt.
I am also not saying that you (or my dad, or my sister) did anything wrong. Marriage is a wonderful event! The engagement of both couples is still very exciting to me…It is more the fact that the timing stinks! More so when you were the first…maybe it is like being a first child when the 2nd is born. The shared attention is a downer.
I would ignore her behavior, and just know where it is coming from. It probably isn’t personal.
Post # 11
Wow. Terribly immature little brat! And at 26, how sad.
Just say no and keep everything cool and collected. You’re more mature than her and it’ll drive her bonkers if you act like your’e “too good” to attend her stuff anyways. She’ll learn the hard way to think before you speak/act
Post # 12
I don’t think you should go to her bachelorette! If you go, she will probably ignore you or make you feel even worse and it would just be a complete waste of time. I think at a certain point (especially after making the effort), you can totally be excused from having to be the bigger person all the time. I think people like your SIL crave attention in any form so the best way to get to her is to just ignore her 🙂
P.S. I’m glad your FI agrees with you on her behavior!
Post # 13
Thanks heathaah for your honesty. Part of me knows that this what she is thinking. I feel that I am very respectful of her feelings. I try not to talk about my wedding at their family events, I always ask about her wedding without adding in facts about mine. Her wedding is 4 months after mine and there will only be about 6 people at my wedding that will be at hers.
I guess what hurts is that she was involved in everything for her fiance’s sister’s wedding b/c she wouldn’t want to look bad in front of his family – even though she was mad that they got engaged at the same time! But she has no problem being so rude and insulting to me!
I just worry that we will never get passed this and there will be hard feelings for a long time going forward!
Post # 14
I agree with heathaah that it probably is not personal, but that is no excuse for anyone to act that way. People get engaged and married every day. I totally understand wanting the attention (who doesn’t love some attention! haha!) but really, it is your day, not month and especially not YEAR! She clearly does not understand this and it is easier for her to put you down in front of her family cause they are her family. Just curious, where is your FI during this? I don’t think it would be ok, or even good, for you to call her out on her behavior, but her brother/your FI could and should! (and good for him for seeing her actions the way they are and not just glossing it over as the way his sister is)
Now, regarding the bachelorette party…it is probably a good thing she is not coming to yours. She would most likely say something that would tick you off and make for a crappy evening. Since you have no real part in her wedding, you are not obligated to go. Could you make plans with another couple, your family or girlfriends and just tell her that you had these plans for a long time and you are sorry you can’t make her party. That way, you are not having to go to something you don’t want to go to and you are also continuing to be the bigger person by not just saying “no” but actually having a reason to not go.
Good luck and I hope the situation improves soon!
Post # 15
wow, she is a…well I won’t say that word here. I would not go, you have made more than your share of attempts to be the bigger person. Good luck, ignore her, and just enjoy your wedding planning…because at the end its only you and your soon to be hubby that matter. Best wishes. 🙂
Post # 16
I would go to the bach party if I could. Since when did an eye for an eye make sense?
She just sounds immature. Someone should really tell her that she gets a DAY not a YEAR. On the bach party front — maybe she can’t afford to go, or has other obligations?