Post # 1
My Brother is getting married in June. He and I are very close. I was not asked to be a bridesmaid. Yes, my feelings are a little hurt and I am a little bitter, I thought my brother’s fiance and I were close. 3 of her 6 Bridesmaids she has know for less than a year. But it’s her wedding, she can do whatever she wants. My brother wanted me to stand on his side, she said no. She has however tried to include me in the wedding, she thought I could read a passage from the bible or something. That would be great except for I am Jewish, my brother and I were raised Jewish, he is non practicing and I am terrified of speaking in front of people, she knows this. At this point, I am perfectly happy being a guest at the wedding but she feels she should get a say in the dress I wear. Which has caused some drama between the two of us. Every dress she has suggested is the same color as the bridesmaid and just plain ugly. I have been pretty calm with the whole thing until yesterday when I finally had enough and basically told her if she want a say in what I will wear to the wedding she should have made me part of the wedding party. She started to cry. I should have felt bad but I didn’t, maybe because last week she asked me not to bring a date to the wedding because they are trying to keep it small and within a budget, there are 300 people coming to the wedding. So, do I let her pick my dress to make her happy or wear what I want?
Post # 4
Why don’t you tell her that if it is important to her that you somewhat coordinate with the bridal party (although that’s a touch weird) then you’ll be happy to buy a dress that is color coordinated, but you get to choose it and it can just be a regular wedding outfit – non bridesmaid-y.
^ That’s ^ a solution that is a sort-of compromise. In reality, she gets no say over what anyone wears to her wedding besides herself and her bridal party and you should really just tell her that. I don’t really understand why she’d want to coordinate you with the bridal party if you are just a regular guest. Even as a reader, while it may photograph nicely if you somewhat coordinate with the decorations and bridal party, it’s most certainly not required!
Post # 5
First off, wear what you want. You are prefectly correct that if she wants to have a say in your clothing she should have made you a member of their party. Secondly, I can’t believe she asked you not to bring a date (the sister of the groom- her future sister in law)?! That’s two checks on the rude-ness meter right there! If I had to ask people not to bring +1’s I’d start with my friends not my soon to be family!
Post # 6
I think it’s time your brother had a chat with her.
Post # 7
You are absolutely in the right on this. If you’re not a bridesmaid, you get to choose your own dress.
Post # 8
@hiheel: I agree. She’s being silly – bet she’s one of those brides who thinks it will ruin everything if every family member who may show up in a picture together do not all have coordinating outfits.
Post # 9
She can let you know the colors should you CHOOSE to coordinate but the bride gets ti dictate the bridal party, she didn’t make you part of it so she has no say. Also why the heck does she have any say in who your brother has on his side? It’s his wedding too… she sounds like a gem.
Post # 10
She’s not a member of the Kardashian family, is she? If not, you don’t all need to match. 😉 You know what her wedding colors are, so IF you feel like you want to compromise, tell her to trust you to find something that will complement those colors, but that what you wear is ultimately your decision. Besides, doesn’t she want her bridesmaids to stand out a little from the other guests?
It sounds like she’s putting an awful lot of pressure on herself to make everything “perfect.” I hope your brother steps in and she can find a way to relax, otherwise who knows how many people she’ll alienate by being so controlling.
Post # 11
Bridezilla at its finest!
Wear what you want and go to your brother and tell him to make room for your date.
Post # 12
I agree, wear what you want. If you want to be nice (considering what she has put you through), than pick a color that will not clash with her theme colors.
Post # 13
I think she already hit the lowest point when she vetoed having you stand by your brother at HIS wedding. Seriously, I’d go batshit crazy on someone if I knew my brother wanted me up there and was told he could not. The dress thing is just cherry on the crap sundae. I vote wear whatever you want.
Post # 14
like you said- if she wants a say in what you will wear to the wedding, she should have made you part of the wedding party. i would be beyond pissed if she said you can’t bring a date too.. i think she needs to be reminded that this is not her wedding, it’s your brothers too.
Post # 15
@AndiA: Let me make sure I understand this, she didn’t ask you to be a BM but feels she has the right to pick your dress? Is she paying for this dress? Something seems very wrong here and I believe it is the bride. Don’t fall for the tears she just wants to get her way.
Post # 16
Tell her you’re going to ask for advice on a wedding etiquette site and you’re happy to go by standard protocol.
Let us know how it turns out.