(Closed) My future Step MIL said WHAAAT?!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would just let it go. Maybe tell her you would love to go to the salon if they have room for one more. Maybe she thinks you’ll be busy doing wedding stuff? Idk, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt here.

The rest, I would just not bother with. If people don’t tell you they’re coming, why would they expect that you would know? Sounds silly and childish, but I think you FSMIL is just repeating things – maybe out of context – that she shouldn’t.

Post # 5
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My honest take? She sounds lonely. Wedding planning probably brings up mixed feelings for her, with your FIs dad passed away.

I agree your BIL should call you directly and she definately likes to gossip but again, it sounds like a little loneliness and she’s just talking and trying to keep in the loop in everyone’s lives. All her step kids are grown with their own families, she sounds like she just wants to be involved.

As for the party, why would you want to be bothered with planning that the day before your wedding? If people are coming in from out of town, it’s not uncommon for relatives to plan get-togethers.

As for the nail trip, again, it doesn’t sound like anything is set in stone yet. Call the SIL and ask them directly.

Post # 7
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

I have to agree, for the most part it is just a let it go situation. She is probably in her own way trying to help, but it really isn’t helping you. Some of the things you would need to just directly take care of, like the nail salon trip and the BIL situation. But other than that, maybe you should ask her if she wants to do something, just the two of you. It could possibly break the ice and leave you guys at a better standing..

Post # 8
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@fivemonthsnotice:  Your situation sounds very similiar to mine except it’s the actual..MOG (future mother- in-law) and her and the grooms father are divorced..She is also friendly with the ex wife, which I don’t care about except when she lies about it to create drama. She also likes to remind me of the wedding and compare every detail..which is EXTREMELY annoying, and in my opinion disrespectful.  She also likes to gossip and exchange conversations with her other children and stir the pot. It’s always something at one point it was even a family discussion on how I was still carrying an extra 10 lbs of baby weight! Really?.. I’m weigh 130 I don’t think that’s horrible. The lonliness is a good point though that is probably exactly what it is. Try talking to her and making her feel included, maybe she will back off a little and not stir the pot as much..just keep an open mind it doesn’t always work. I tryed this with mine and it was somewhat helpful but didn’t completely fix everything..and sometimes pent up feelings can be a hard part of the wquation.. I would prob just call the rest of the SIL involved in the nail salon day and the BIL and say I heard from smil about nail day and would love to join you guys as you guys are only here for a few days and don’t get to see you often, plus it would be nice to spend some time before the wedding. I’d say to BIL SMIL mentioned the invitation and your D at wedding. I don’t know what happened b/c I did send to XX address and I wanted to pick your D in wedding but you never contacted me to let me know you were coming for sure. Be nice about it but talking directly to the people involved may clear up what may have been the wrong communiation from SMIL. Since your Fiance is supportive and it is his family, maybe he can talk with them as well. I have had mine talk with his mom and sisters and it has helped. hope this is helpful.

Post # 10
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

The only thing that would bug me is the fact she is still friends with his ex. That may sound catty or bitchy to some people, but I really can’t stand exes knowing my business. Talking about the first wedding is bad too and she should have had the sense and manners not to. 

Post # 11
Member
804 posts
Busy bee

Honestly, just be polite and ignore her attempts to start anything in the family. Let your actions speak for who you are, and if certain members of the family participate in her little games, you know what kind of people they are, and who to steer clear of. Refuse to allow them a real reason to gossip about you.

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