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Did you explain to her that you are already over budget and couldn't possibly fit one more person in? And maybe (if you're willing) you could tell her that if it turns out that more people say no than you are planning on you could invite him then.
It's not a budget issue... I dont want that particular person at the wedding because he has not been involved in my life at ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow, that is a tough spot to be in. i think you have been very generous with her friends already. I can't believe that she would stop speaking to you over it.
I would give it some time, I am sure this is something she will get over.
I'm so sorry that this is happening to you! It must be so upsetting! Even though your grandmother is much older then you, you might need to be the bigger person in this situation. I would try to talk to her. Tell her the numbers, the budget, the effect that each extra invite has on the venue and catering. Explain to her why she cannot invite her uncle. I do not think it is fair for her to expect you to invite someone who has never been a part of your life in any way. She might just be feeling sensitive. She will probably open up again if you start the lines of communication and gently explain to her why you need to do what you need to do. Good luck :)
I was in a similar situation except that it wasn't even a relative. It was a In-Law's friend's ex-BIL since her husband couldn't come. It wasn't about the budget or the space, it was about surrounding ourselves with people who love and support us (and that we actually knew.) I fussed about it for awhile, gave in, felt bent out of shape over it and then never even noticed if that person was there or not. (We had 130 people or so.) So while it's definitely not the advice I wanted when I was in your shoes, I'm going to give you the same advice I got: just invite him.
You might just want to acquiesce to what she wants... Maybe there could just be ONE person you're not that close to-- and it is family... Maybe if you invite him, he will begin to be involved in your life, and you'll be glad you did. You'll only have your grandma for so long, and she probably isn't going to change at this point. You might want to accept her quirks and try to appreciate her good qualities. My advice is just to swallow your pride, be the bigger person, and do what your grandma wants. She's probably done things to make you happy that she wasn't excited about when you were growing up, huh? Plus, maybe the uncle will RSVP "No," and you won't even have to worry about it. ... I just wish I still had my crazy, quirky grandma to invite..,
Thats a hard one because it is granny some day you may look back and say i wish i invited that one person just for her or she is using the fact that she is grandma to her advantage....I say do what you feel and not what anyone tells you to. She will come around grandmas could be stubborn sometimes.
I think you should invite him. One person in the crowd is not going to ruin your day. Think of it like this. She probably has very few remaining living relatives,and while you may not be close to him,she probably is. He's got to be pretty old as well and doesn't socialize much anymore. She wants to show you off which I think is something that should make you feel happy and not irritated. It's really not much to ask and sounds like its important to her. He may not even come anyway.
Since it is clearly upsetting you that your grandmother is giving you the silent treatment, you should invite him. We have over 30 people on our list that neither FI or myself have ever met but parents and grandparents were standing their ground.
While he has not been a part of your life, he is family. I was watching something the other day and it was discussing how sad it is that families only tend to gather for funerals. Invite him to celebrate with you, what is the liklihood that he even comes?
Thanks bees for all the advice. I finally told her "yes, he can come".
He will be the only person that my FI and I would not know.
I really hope he doesnt come, but my nana is more important to me than having a person at my wedding that I may not even notice among the 130 guests.
What a great attitude to have! Glad you worked it out :)
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I have alreaday sent out save-the-dates, and have my guest list complete.
I wish I could invite more people, but with the venue and budget I am actually praying that not all 154 invited can make it! ha!
My grandma has five friends and their husbands that are coming, and wants me to invite one more person on her behalf.
It's not a numbers thing, the person she wants me to invite is her uncle whom I have met once. Every single person on the guest list has been involved in my life. And I want to keep it that way.
I could not point out her Uncle in a crowd! And he has never sent me a card for any holiday....
But now my 76 year old grandma is giving me the silent treatment.
This makes me want to not invite him even more!
What should I do?