Post # 1
I had to fake it when my parents broke the news to me. It was expected to happen soon, but I felt more relief than sadness. I suppose I had been preparing myself emotionally for too long so when the day came I wouldn’t be shocked. I feel much better that she is no longer suffering. Thing is, her funeral is tomorrow and I’m worried that my family will think I’m indifferent if I don’t break down and weep. That’s not the case at all though. I’m happy for her that she is finally peacefully at rest because the last time I spoke to her (earlier in the week) she sounded absolutely miserable and was becoming forgetful and not sounding like herself. Am I a bad person for not being depressed?
Post # 3
My grandfather passed away in October after suffering from severe dementia for 4 years. He wasnt himself for several years before that too. When he died I didn’t cry, I was relieved that his suffering had ended-it upset me more seeing him alive but with little dignity-everyone knew his personal ins and outs, he wore adult nappies, my grandmother (who to her defense cared for him at their home for the full length of his illness despite her being 85 at the end) would talk to him like a child. Anyway I felt at the end it was a good thing that he had passed. I cried when I thought back to good times when I was younger, but happy tears. I shed a few tears at his funeral but it was more because my mum was so upset, I was upset for her.
I think when a passing is expected, especially if there has been suffering prior, you may have already come to terms with the loss before it actually happens. People grieve in different ways. Pay respect to your grandmother however you see fit but don’t feel bad for not being distraught-and no one should tell you how to grieve either.
Post # 4
@Aquaria: Everyone experiences grief differently. I had a lot of time to prepare for my grandfather’s passing. The two times I really cried over it was when he passed (I was with him) and the funeral. There’s been tears at other moments, but those were the only times I really let it all out.
At his funeral not everyone cried and I didn’t really expect them to. You aren’t a bad person if you never cry or if the tears come later. Your grandmother is no longer in pain, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling a sense of relief that she will no longer suffer.
Post # 5
I’m sorry for your loss. Everyone grieves differently. It’s not uncommon not to cry etc when you know in your heart of hearts that your loved one is in a better place now. Doesn’t mean you loved your grandma any less than other relatives who may be grieving more openly.
Post # 6
I so understand what you are feeling. My mom died in May after a long long long, awful, painful and debilitating fight with cancer. Leading up to her death I was fully expecting to cry forever and never be okay again.However, I did not feel like that at all. Of course, I was so sad that she was gone, but I mainly felt relief for her. I felt so guilty for feeling okay and feeling at peace with what happened. That was until I realized that I was feeling that way because I was so happy that she was no longer in pain and suffering. And after everything that she went throught, that is what she really needed.
I posted about the same feelings as you and got a great response here on the bee. Here is a link to my post, if you would like to read the encouraging words that the bee’s gave me. http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/mom-just-died-of-cancer#axzz2Z2uTpwFe
Post # 7
When my great grandmother dies, I probably won’t cry. She is almost 101, suffers from dimensia, has no teeth, can’t hear, and can barely walk, she only speaks German so know one can really understand her, she thinks God has forgetten about her. I want her to die because she is in so much pain and is so lonely. Sometimes it is ok to think that death is a good thing, its hard to accept but it is true. Some people need to die to be in peace. If you don’t cry I’m sure your family will think nothing of it, just that you are grieving differently. Personally I think by not being devistated by her death it makes you less selfish because you know it was for the best and even though you will miss her, it’s better for her.
Post # 8
My grandparents died when I was a kid. I didnt cry for years, and it was sad. They were in their 50’s and 60’s. Some people just don’t grieve that way. It doesn’t mean you’re uncaring.
Post # 9
I’m sorry for your loss. The tears will come at some point. I don’t think you have to worry about anyone thinking you are callous. There are a lot of different reactions at funerals.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
Sunglasses are your best friend at a funeral. They allow privacy and for you to expess whatever emotion you wish without being stared at by other people.
Post # 11
@Aquaria: I am so sorry for your loss. I want to reassure this is normal and there is nothing you should feel guilty about. Just because you aren’t crying doesn’t mean you aren’t greiving or missing your grandma.
I lost my grandma about a year ago and we were pretty close. She was in her 90’s and had cancer for years. We all knew it was coming but it didn’t make it any easier. I didn’t cry when I found out she died, I didn’t cry at the funeral, I didn’t cry at her graveside and I felt SO guilty but she relieved for her at the same time. But I had a talk with my sister in law and she made me feel so much better. She told me grief is a funny thing and it manifests itself in all different ways. Just because you aren’t crying doesn’t mean you don’t miss her. It wasn’t until almost a month after she passed I was driving in my car and it just hit me. I cried all the way home because I missed her so much. I still don’t cry alot because I know she is still with me and it makes me feel good.
Post # 12
This is totally normal… you did a lot of your grieving already. Relief is normal. Feeling numb and/or not crying is normal. Everyone handles grief differently.
*hugs* sorry for your loss!
Post # 13
This is a normal reaction. My great grandmother passed a few years ago and during the past few years of her life, I could see the quality of life deteroiate for her. She was a fiesty one and while I miss her everyday, I know she is at peace and I felt a sense of relief when she passed. I feel like its a selfless reaction because you are thinking of what is best for your grandmother.