Post # 1
Hey everyone. I first want to say that I love my grandma to death. She is my world and I would do anything to help her and right now even though she won’t admit she needs my help but if I don’t do something now then this person can get away with it. Let me first give you some background information. My grandma is grandma p, my grandpa(my grandmas husband, my grandpa) is grandpa p, and my grandmas bf we will call him TO
My grandpa p died back in 2002. Four years after his death he met and dated TO and they dated for six years before he died. I have spent time with TO and he was a nice man. supposilly he had alzimmers and had a bad memory. My grandma tells me that his daughter let’s call her Pv and her son let’s call tv have over medicated him. my grandmas bf TO was told my his daughter pv that he wanted to be at home and wants to be able to do things. Well back in August 2013 Pv told my grandmas bf TO that she is going to put him in assistant living or some independent living home and she says “try it for a few months and if you don’t like it then you can go back home”. Well his daughter pv lied to him. As soon as he moved into his assistant/independent living home pv put his house up for sale and after a while she took it off the market and now TOs grandson and his gf are living in TOs house. TOs daughter pv is also trying to sell his flordia home when she didn’t have permission to do that. All he wanted was to be home. Anyways back to the medication thing. My grandma said that he was over medicated and he was on multiple medications. His daughter pv(who is also a doctor had managed his medications and the number of doseges he got. For a few months before his death every time my grandma went to visit him he would sometimes only say two words or would always be tired. she onetime mentioned to the aids their that TOs medication needs to be reevaluated. For a while they didn’t do anything and when my grandma mentioned it for the last time they finally did something. They readjusted his meds and he was good for a few days then he gotten bad again only it was at his worse. Eventually he was taken to the hospital to get his meds reevaluated and at that point it was too late do anything, they called hospice for TO. He may was put on morphine. on July 4th when I was visiting my grandma she got a call from TOs daughter Inlaw telling her that TO had died and pv (his daughter) was with him when he died. At the funneral home and at the memorial service pv had been very rude and cold to my grandma. I talk to her today and she told me that she heard from TOs family members that during the burial that his son did the first dirt shovel then he dropped the shovel then left. He seem very upset for all that has happened. I will add that his son may had some input on TOs medication dishes but not as much as his daughter pv did. My grandma said that every time TO was complaining the meds that she said that he needs to suck it up and get through it. My grandma also said that pv put him in a home because it was closer to her house and was more Covient for her. My grandma said that TO may have been a burden on pv.
At this point I am suspicious of his death and I’m wondering if pv killed him by overdosing him. I don’t know what to do at this point. I feel as though if she really killed him intentionally that I don’t want her to get away with what she did. I don’t know if I had the right to request an autopys or if no one can do anything about it. I really need some legal advice.
Post # 2
Ap2010: I don’t think a internet wedding forum is the best place to get legal advice. You should go speak to a lawyer.
Post # 3
Don’t do anything. You have no proof that anything wrong happened!
About the meds – Do you or your grandmother have any medical training? What makes you think he was being overmedicated? Do you have any proof that he was being overmedicated? Also, I guarantee that the facility that he was in was in charge of his meds, not his daughter, though I’m sure she monitored them, since it’s her dad. And it’s not, at all, unusual for an Alzheimer’s patient to temporarily improve with a med chage, but it doesn’t usually last.
About the house – She’s a doctor. She knows how Alzheimers works. She knows that he’s going to continue to go down hill. She was likely concerned about his safety, if he was left home, alone. It can be very dangerous, for themselves and others, for a person with Alzheimers to live by themselves. So once he was in the facility, she knew he likely wasn’t going back home and was being practicle in trying to sell the properties. She may have also been trying to pay for the facility.
About the relative that shoveled the dirt and then left – it’s a funeral – of course he was upset. Doesn’t mean he was guilty!
I think your imagination is on a bit of overdrive. I’d just forget about it.
Post # 4
The only way that you can get legal advice is to talk to a lawyer. Your not a family member or have any legal authorization on behalf of TO. So, no you will not be able to get any documents. There are privacy laws and they don’t just give these to anyone who requests them. It sounds to me like TO daughter may have had, power of attorney, for her father TO. Basically, this is a legal document that one person signs giving someone else permission to take care of all their $$ affairs and medical decisions on their behalf. My mother has this with my grandmother as she is elderly and doesn’t want/or able to take care of these things herself. You can’t just put someone’s house up for sale without having some kind of legal authorization. My guess is that TO may have given his daughter power of attorney thinking she would take care of him. Maybe TO’s daughter didn’t ask him if it was okay to sell his house. But that doesn’t matter once he signs that paper she can do what ever she wants, right or wrong, nice or not. I suspect you don’t have all the facts here. Just because your grandmother told you that she didn’t have authorization to sell his house, doesn’t mean it’s true. Maybe there are things that your grandma doesn’t know. You could go to the police but I don’t think you have much to go on…Other than his children treated him badly as he got older.
As for TO’s son it sounds like he didn’t have a good realtionship with TO. He sounds like he’s angry or resents his father for some reason. An adult’s realtionship with their parents is very complicated. Who know’s what kind of father TO was or what else went on between him and his son over the years. Just because you thought TO was a nice guy doesn’t mean his kids feel that way about him. Again, you don’t have all the facts.
Post # 5
The assisted living home would have been responsible for his medications, including helping him select his doctor. That is the purpose of such a home. In the case of an overdose, the home would be liable.
However, I’m not entirely sure what standard medications you could use to accelerate death in such a person. None immediately spring to mind. Unless you have a lot more evidence than this, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on.
Post # 6
As someone who just watched a loved one slowly die, all of the medication sounds normal. We had to keep my mom medicated because of the agitation caused by the morphine that was stopping the pain. All of her medicine was guided by her hospice and nurses and I administered them while caring for her at home. To outside people it looked like I was over medicating her but the key was to keep the medicine in her system so that she didn’t exhibit terminal agitation or any pain or discomfort. That’s what death is. At home or in a hospice, Its a slow terrible process.
You aren’t a relative and neither was your g grandma, you don’t really know what was happening inside the grieving person’s mind at the burial and why they acted the way they did. I’m sure it was tough for them and everyone grieves differently.
Post # 7
Rachel631: well he was on morphine right before he died. And I do need to research what type of home he was in. It was either assistant living or independent living. I need to research that really quick.
Post # 8
Ap2010: this is too confusing — I’d consult an attorney.
Post # 9
MinkaGrl01: it’s a indepent/assistant living home so its a mix of both worlds. He was in independent living then he had to go to a memory unit.
Post # 10
MinkaGrl01: I do see what your saying. TOs daughter pv was his doctor and she did all the prescriptions for TOs meds.
Post # 11
I’m leaning towards consulting an attorney at this point. If anything I’ll consult a friend who is going to be a lawyer and i can ask my friends who are lawyers.
Post # 12
Ap2010: Here’s the thing about morphine…
It does reduce life expectancy, especially in people with pre-existing brain damage. However, that’s part of the reason it is used… to reduce suffering. It is used primarily because it is an excellent painkiller, but also because its side effects (including shortening life) are actually seen as not being problematic in people with end of life diseases.
I can tell you now that unless this man was deliberately euthanised (given a deliberate, large overdose right at the end) you will not be able to bring suit based on overmedication of morphine.
Post # 13
There’s nothing at all for an attorney to do here. You have no legal standing to request an autopsy or medical records and you have no legal relationship with the deceased. If you truly think there was foul play involved, you should contact the police. From what you describe, there does not seem to be justification for a police investigation.
Post # 14
Honestly, nothing about this sounds weird to me. People with Alzheimer and other forms of dementia are generally skeptical about people/treatment, insist they’re fine and can be independent, can become irrationally mad, etc. Many (if not most) elderly people have a very hard time dealing with no longer being able to be self-sufficient and independent. In-home nurses are extremely expensive, so if he could no longer care for himself, he needed to be put in a nursing home. I do think it’s ill-advised to have a family member as a doctor, but I highly doubt there was anything malicious going on.<br />
If you absolutely suspect foul play and would feel guilty not looking into it, then go to the police. I don’t think they will find cause to investigate, though. If you go to a civil lawyer, I’m not sure there would be enough damages for them to consider taking the case.
Post # 15
Ap2010: Just so you know, when elderly people pass from natural causes, it happens in an almost identical manner as you outlined here. It’s not a fun thing to watch happen, but that’s simply the process. Old people die. Sometimes in a long, drawn out and rollercoaster fashion.
It is also very common for disgruntled family members to try to speculate, point fingers and place blame. Just because your grandmother thought that her boyfriend was on too many unnecessary medications, does not mean he was. And, just because she does not get along with his children, doesn’t mean they killed him. Considering you said there were many people involved in this man’s care, your perception of it sounds like a pretty elaborate conspiracy theory to me.
I would seriously think twice before you start accusing people of murder… My goodness.