Post # 1
Just need to vent. Grandmothers always have your best interest at heart…right?? I was on the phone with my grandmother the other morning. We don’t talk too often because she pisses me off at times and I really want to stay respectful. I called to tell her I’d gotten engaged. It seemed as if everyone in the family knew except her, which is weird seeing that the last time I talked to her we talked about a possible wedding. After I told her we had started marriage counseling she goes, “Don’t you two already live together, you don’t need counseling.” I laughed this off because it really didn’t offend me. I really don’t care about people knowing FI and I live together. So we continue talking and I mention I think I’ve fallen in love with a dress. She goes, “Have you lost weight?” I say, “Well, no, not really.” She goes, “Well you should, I told you that last year, you don’t want to look like a big tank in your dress, you should want to look good.” WTFFFF!!!!!! Now don’t get me wrong, I am a big girl, a proud big girl, but who is she to try to down me about my weight. She’s overweight, all of my aunt’s are overweight, and so on. So I respond, “Well if I do lose weight, it’ll be something I want to do on my own, and besides, FI loves me just the way I look, and I will look beautiful on the big day.” I changed the subject because I was getting more and more pissed. I really don’t want to call her again any time soon, but she is my grandmother. OK, vent over.
Post # 2
Tell her “yeah, genetics on your side of the family really didn’t do my any favors!” and laugh it off as you hang up.
I’ve done similar but… I can be really evil sometimes. Be proud of how you are! I am bigger and proud too. Rock that dress (when you get it)!
Post # 3
Sometimes people need to put down others to make themselves feel better.
If your grandmother is overweight, she has business talking about yours. In fact, even if your grandmother was thin, talking about your weight is rude.
My mom made some remarks about my weight when I was engaged. I know how much it hurts. Just try to enjoy planning your wedding.
Post # 4
scarcerayne: I’m sorry she said that to you! That’s not appropriate at all, it would definitely hurt my feelings. Your response was perfect, you should love yourself no matter what and if you are happy that’s all that matters! If you are happy, that is all you need to be a beautiful bride 🙂
Post # 5
scarcerayne: I’ve noticed this with older women, they sometimes have no qualms discussing body size. My grandma is the sweetest lady on Earth but she described my cousin’s wife as “chunky,” and I really didn’t think she looked it. Dude grandma, way to body shame…Maybe the filter deteriorates with age? You did the right thing, you stood up for yourself and then changed the subject. Totally fair that you’re not itching to dial her number again just yet, give yourself some time.
Post # 6
My mother and grandmother both always tell me that I should lose weight. My mother can be a bit cruel. She constantly nags at me about it and tells me that I’m going to get diabetes if I don’t watch what I eat, but yet, when I went to see my doctor, she told me that I was perfectly healthy. My blood pressure was better than most people. I can’t tell you how many times she has mentioned that, “if you just lost some weight, you would be beautiful.” She also likes to tell me that if I don’t watch my weight, my FI is going to leave me for a thinner woman. >_>
I also have to add that fat does not equal unhealthy, but you try telling that to some people. Just try to enjoy the whole wedding planning process. I know it’s hard to do, but just let her talk. It’s what I do now when my mother goes on one of her “rants.”
You’re definitely proud in who you are and that’s what matters the most! Not to mention your FI loves you as well. 🙂
Post # 7
- Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base
You will be beautiful. Big, small, or in between your fiancé loves you and that is all that matters.
Post # 8
My great grandmother once told me my hair color made me look like a “streetwalker” in the middle of a family dinner. Girl, I’m sorry you have to hear it, you did good with your response. My mother has made a few comments lately about “trying on dresses when you eat the way you do”……You are beautiful. You are you. Your wedding will be beautiful. It might hurt now, but you won’t even think of it on your wedding day. 🙂
Post # 9
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
I’ve had this shit from my Grandmother. I’ve been told that when she was younger she dieted constantly to try to keep her stomach flat. Even if all the rest of my genes weren’t against me that’s not the life I want. Thanks but no thanks.
Post # 10
Wow how awful 🙁 My grandma also makes some mean, insecure comments to me at times and it makes me sad. 🙁 *hugs*
Post # 11
Old people, can’t really change them. Just call her an old bad and tell her to STFU.
Post # 12
My dad gets on my sister and me about our weight all the time, although he is obese himself. He thinks he is doing it for our own good. I agree with PP; older people are set in their ways. I try to let it roll of my back but my sister (who is heavier than I am) really lets it get to her, particularly the hypocrisy of it.
You will look beautiful on your wedding day, of course. Try to keep the calls with grandma as infrequent and short as possible. Maybe have a glass of wine before picking up the phone!
Post # 13
Rude! But discussing size was much more acceptable years ago and she probably didn’t say it to sound offensive. I imagine when she was young, people told her the exact same thing and she felt she had to lose weight to please others. Also dresses were probably much smaller back then and there werent many options for anyone larger than average (which was probably quite small back then). Now there are dresses made to suit women of different shapes and sizes which is fantastic and people can feel confident in their dress without needing to lose weight and squeeze into whatever was in fashion at the time! When she sees you in your dress I am sure she will feel differently 🙂 and if she doesnt… demote her in the seating chart for the wedding!
Post # 14
scarcerayne: My grandpa told me I was going to look like a sack of potatoes like my grandma and told my sister she was too slim and looked like she was rotting, my grandma once walked up to me and wibbled the skin under my chin, she also gave me a box of chocolates on my birthday and then told me I really don’t need to eat them all… we found the best way to deal with it is to just laugh at how ridiculous these statements/actions are and store them up as amusing stories for later use
Post # 15
scarcerayne: FWIW I think you handled it very maturely. It’s never fun to hear those kinds of things