My grandmother called me a "Tank"

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Tell her “yeah, genetics on your side of the family really didn’t do my any favors!”  and laugh it off as you hang up.

 

I’ve done similar but… I can be really evil sometimes.  Be proud of how you are!  I am bigger and proud too.  Rock that dress (when you get it)!

Post # 3
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

scarcerayne:  

Sometimes people need to put down others to make themselves feel better.

If your grandmother is overweight, she has business talking about yours. In fact, even if your grandmother was thin, talking about your weight is rude.

My mom made some remarks about my weight when I was engaged. I know how much it hurts. Just try to enjoy planning your wedding. 

Post # 4
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

scarcerayne:  I’m sorry she said that to you! That’s not appropriate at all, it would definitely hurt my feelings. Your response was perfect, you should love yourself no matter what and if you are happy that’s all that matters! If you are happy, that is all you need to be a beautiful bride 🙂

Post # 5
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

scarcerayne:  I’ve noticed this with older women, they sometimes have no qualms discussing body size.  My grandma is the sweetest lady on Earth but she described my cousin’s wife as “chunky,” and I really didn’t think she looked it.  Dude grandma, way to body shame…Maybe the filter deteriorates with age?  You did the right thing, you stood up for yourself and then changed the subject.  Totally fair that you’re not itching to dial her number again just yet, give yourself some time.

Post # 6
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

My mother and grandmother both always tell me that I should lose weight. My mother can be a bit cruel. She constantly nags at me about it and tells me that I’m going to get diabetes if I don’t watch what I eat, but yet, when I went to see my doctor, she told me that I was perfectly healthy. My blood pressure was better than most people. I can’t tell you how many times she has mentioned that, “if you just lost some weight, you would be beautiful.” She also likes to tell me that if I don’t watch my weight, my FI is going to leave me for a thinner woman. >_>

I also have to add that fat does not equal unhealthy, but you try telling that to some people. Just try to enjoy the whole wedding planning process. I know it’s hard to do, but just let her talk. It’s what I do now when my mother goes on one of her “rants.”

You’re definitely proud in who you are and that’s what matters the most! Not to mention your FI loves you as well. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

You will be beautiful.  Big, small, or in between your fiancé loves you and that is all that matters.  

Post # 8
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My great grandmother once told me my hair color made me look like a “streetwalker” in the middle of a family dinner. Girl, I’m sorry you have to hear it, you did good with your response. My mother has made a few comments lately about “trying on dresses when you eat the way you do”……You are beautiful. You are you. Your wedding will be beautiful. It might hurt now, but you won’t even think of it on your wedding day. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

I’ve had this shit from my Grandmother. I’ve been told that when she was younger she dieted constantly to try to keep her stomach flat. Even if all the rest of my genes weren’t against me that’s not the life I want. Thanks but no thanks. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Taiki.
Post # 10
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Wow how awful 🙁 My grandma also makes some mean, insecure comments to me at times and it makes me sad. 🙁 *hugs*

Post # 11
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Old people, can’t really change them. Just call her an old bad and tell her to STFU.

Post # 12
Member
69 posts
Worker bee

My dad gets on my sister and me about our weight all the time, although he is obese himself. He thinks he is doing it for our own good.  I agree with PP; older people are set in their ways. I try to let it roll of my back but my sister (who is heavier than I am) really lets it get to her, particularly the hypocrisy of it.

You will look beautiful on your wedding day, of course. Try to keep the calls with grandma as infrequent and short as possible. Maybe have a glass of wine before picking up the phone!

Post # 13
Member
885 posts
Busy bee

Rude! But discussing size was much more acceptable years ago and she probably didn’t say it to sound offensive. I imagine when she was young, people told her the exact same thing and she felt she had to lose weight to please others. Also dresses were probably much smaller back then and there werent many options for anyone larger than average (which was probably quite small back then). Now there are dresses made to suit women of different shapes and sizes which is fantastic and people can feel confident in their dress without needing to lose weight and squeeze into whatever was in fashion at the time! When she sees you in your dress I am sure she will feel differently 🙂 and if she doesnt… demote her in the seating chart for the wedding! 

Post # 14
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

scarcerayne:  My grandpa told me I was going to look like a sack of potatoes like my grandma and told my sister she was too slim and looked like she was rotting, my grandma once walked up to me and wibbled the skin under my chin, she also gave me a box of chocolates on my birthday and then told me I really don’t need to eat them all… we found the best way to deal with it is to just laugh at how ridiculous these statements/actions are and store them up as amusing stories for later use

Post # 15
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

scarcerayne:  FWIW I think you handled it very maturely. It’s never fun to hear those kinds of things

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