Post # 1
I don’t have the best relationship with my grandparents for a whole list of reasons and up until a few days ago, I didn’t even know if they would be coming to my wedding. My grandmother really doesn’t like my FH. She has no reason to dislike him, she’s only met him a handful of times, she just thinks that I’m better than his family.
As I mentioned, I didn’t think they would be coming to the wedding at all, but she surprised me by offering to let me borrow some of my mom’s things from her and my dad’s wedding. Everything has been going pretty well and then she called me today. Originally, she started telling me about the pearl earrings that my mom wore when she married my dad and she asked me if I wanted to borrow them. I said that I did. Then she asked me who was walking me down the aisle. I told her that my stepdad was. My grandmother is pretty dramatic, so she started crying and told me that she thought I might have wanted to ask my grandfather to do it.
It’s not that I don’t love my grandparents or anything, but seriously, I have a great relationship with my stepdad and I wanted him to walk me down the aisle. It’s why I asked him. Of course, my grandparents never really liked my stepdad either…
I’m not really surprised by this, because this is the kind of thing that she does, but at the same time, I am kind of surprised that she would even bring it up. My grandfather isn’t the least bit offended that I didn’t ask him.
Post # 3
That’s really strange, I’ve never heard of a grandparent walking a bride down the aisle, when there is a parent alive to do so.
Does she normally get over things pretty quickly? I hope so!
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2014 - Brazil Room
Just don’t give in to her emotional blackmail (which it doesn’t sound like you are). People like that will do everything they can to get their way. Try and avoid her during your big day too because it will be likely she’ll say something irritating and judemental just to get under your skin and you don’t need that. Good luck dealing with her!
Post # 5
@jenilynevette: off topic slightly, but my mother had her grandfather walk her down the aisle. her father never sent child support and abandoned her mother. her step-father was abusive. Her grandfather is one the the best men to ever live. So there are certain situations when that happens (but this is not the case for the OP, so as I said slight off topic)
Post # 6
@blueEyes90: Well, yeah thats understandable. I guess I should have said “active in their life” instead of alive.
Post # 7
That is strange, does she try to take control in everything? I only ask that because you said that she offered the jewelry your mom wore which seems strange that she has it instead of your mother since your mothers Alive to remarry your step dad? My grandma is quite as dramatic but I’ve learned she really likes to be the one to know what’s going on. I would sit down or write a nice letter to her. Explaining that you are having your stepdad and you apologize for not letting her know. That you appreciate your grandfather but it doesn’t seem like the right role for him. Is their another way to honor him?
Post # 8
@SouthernGirl: The only time I’ve heard of a grandfather walking a bride down the aisle is if he was literally the only father figure in her life. That’s obviously not the case since you said you have a great relationship with your stepdad (better than your grandfather even). I would just tell your grandmother that tradition states that a stepfather will walk you down the aisle in the event that your bio dad is for some reason not able to do so. She may just appreciate the fact that you’re going by tradition since that’s a big deal for the older generation.
Post # 9
@jenilynevette: Unfortunately she never lets things go. She will still sometimes bring up the fact that she offered to give me another $5000 for the downpayment on my house as long as I got rid of my dogs.
@NovaGrey: I won’t. I’ve gotten used to her doing this kind of thing over the years.
@blueEyes90: Yeah, my friend had her grandfather walk her down the aisle because her dad was absent for her life. In that case, it makes perfect sense for that to happen.
@Allyg: Yeah, she does. She kept my mother’s wedding dress and everything she had from her wedding day because she thinks my mom will lose it. She even suggested that after my dad passed that my mom let her hold onto her wedding band since mom would probably misplace it. I have an heirloom ring that my grandmother gave my mom, but that she took back (along with all of the other jewelry she gave my mom over the years) when my mom told her she was marrying my stepdad. So, what should have been a gift from my mom ended up being given to me by my grandmother. My grandparents even went so far as to call my mom a whore and demand the $10,000 they gave my mom and dad to build our house. They also used to try to get my younger brother and I to tell my mom that we didn’t like our stepdad and tell her not to marry him.
@beetee123: It’s just the fact that my grandparents have never accepted my stepdad as part of the family. When my dad passed away, they used to get angry that we still spent time with my dad’s family. They, well my grandmother, likes to think that they are the only family we have left since my dad has gone.
Post # 10
What a drama queen and indian giver. She’s is out of line thinking your grandpa should have the honor. Your the only with the right to make that decision.
Post # 11
She just sounds whack. I wouldn’t sway your decision at all on this situation. If she decides you can’t wear the earrings so be it, but definitely stand your ground on having your stepdad walk you down the aisle.
Post # 12
@SouthernGirl: I think that sometimes you have to accept that some family members will never be able to be there for you the way you need them to. It’s good that your grandfather is handling everything maturely, and your grandmother sounds like she would have found something else to be offended about even if your grandfather walked you down the aisle.
Post # 13
@SouthernGirl: do not give in. do whatever you want to do. when the day comes, it will be all about you and your FH. your grandparents will be just another couple of guests. no different than anyone else. so do what YOU want to do. when you look back on your photos, you want to see yourself walking down the aisle with your stepdad so make that memory.
Post # 14
@bklynbridetobe: Yep, but this is just how she is.
@beetee123: I’m not going to. I was already somewhat prepared for something like this to be brought up. I’ve already talked to my mom about it and she says that if my grandmother won’t let me wear the earrings, that my mom has another pair of pearls that my dad gave her on their anniversary. So I get to wear something sentimental either way.
@Polygon: I believe she would have. My grandfather is usually pretty rational about things and even he said that he wouldn’t have expected me to ask him. It’s just grandma. She has already brought up that I should have asked to wear my mom’s dress. But my mom weighed 98 pounds when she got married and I weigh 190. Plus, she got married in 1989, so that dress would have to completely be reconstructed.
@TaurianDoll: I won’t give in, don’t worry. I’m used to her trying to guilt me into things and it hasn’t worked since I was old enough to know what was going on. I just thought this whole situation was nuts.
Post # 15
@SouthernGirl: Ive had a similar issue with my mum and FMIL over flower girls. Im We’re not having flower girls, we’re having a flower granny. Only because apart from my FH’s cousins boyfriends niece or my mums bestfriends grandadughter, I dont know any young girls. But still, both mums weren’t happy. When it comes down to it, Its our wedding, not theirs..
Post # 16
@SouthernGirl: She offered you money, but with a condition (getting rid of your pets)? Honestly she sounds a bit controlling. She offered to let you borrow some things from your mother… and now her condition is that you should ask your grandpa to walk you down the aisle.
I would brush it off and see it for how ridiculous it is.