Post # 1
My reception is not a traditional wedding reception, and in her words (to my mother) “if it’s not going to be a big thing, then I don’t want to come.”
And by “Big Thing” she means a in a golf course clubhouse with a boring ‘chicken or fish’ meal choice, a Money Dance, and a cake cutting.
I know all of this because my mother asked her what a “Big Thing” meant, and my grandma said, “like at Cindy’s [my cousin’s] wedding.” My cousin had the aforementioned typical golf course reception with about 50-60 people a few years ago.
Well, I’m having 50-60 people too, but because my fiance and I are having our reception at a cool restaurant without any “wedding stuff” (my words), she has deemed it Not Important Enough to Attend.
I’m a little miffed because even though I’ll be the first to admit that my grandmother is a pain in the ass and we’re not close, I never thought she’d refuse to come. She and my grandpa spend 6 months out of the year in AZ, and she doesn’t want to drive home to CA if she’s not getting a Typical Wedding out of the deal.
Post # 3
You cannot please everyone =(
Maybe she will change her mind?
Post # 4
I’m sorry! Your grandma is just old school and doesn’t realize weddings have changed over the years (for the better)! You still have a while until your wedding so maybe she’ll change her mind. If you really want her there just tell her yourself how important it’d be if she was there and maybe she’ll come! Hope it works out!
Post # 5
So sorry to hear that your grandma is being difficult! 🙁 Like Krissycake said, maybe she will change her mind? I think sometimes more “untraditional” weddings are harder for those of the older generation to accept; you should have been there for the argument my mother and I had because I was considering having my wedding in an open loft space (ie, Not A Hotel Ballroom). Maybe give her some time and bring it up at a later date and just let her know how important and meaningful it would be to you to have her there on your special day.
In the end, if she chooses not to attend, then she will be the one who misses out. You will still have a fabulous wedding and most importantly, it will be the wedding that YOU want to have!
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
Ouch, that’s harsh, I’m so sorry! Grrrrrr, grandma’s can be so damn prickly and you can’t say anything back to them bc of their age! When I told my grandma what the groomsmen were wearing, she literally BURST out laughing and couldn’t stop. Talk about rude!
Anyways, that does really suck that she doesn’t think it’s worth coming to your wedding just bc it’s not in a traditional venue. She still has some time and depending on the pressure your mom (or dad? whose mother is it?) puts on her, she might change her mind. Another option, and this is only depending on how bad you want her there) would be to call her yourself and say that you are really really sad she doesn’t want to come and explain how much her being there would mean to you….
I am very sorry tho, that is never fun to hear, ((HUGS))
Post # 7
This sort of behavior is nothing new for her, especially in regard to this side of the family. (she has 4 sons, 2 from her 1st husband, and 2 from my grandpa, her 2nd and current husband.) For as long as I’ve been alive she’s favored her older sons, in my family we jokingly refer to them as the “Golden Boys.”
For example, when my uncle’s (my dad’s full brother, NOT a ‘golden boy’) first child was born, my grandparents didn’t drive home from 40 minutes away because they were too busy being in charge of the entertainment at their campout with their friends. They didn’t come home until a week or so later. My aunt had had a really difficult time with the birth and there were serious complications, but that Wasn’t Important Enough.
Another example: my grandparents didn’t show up for my dad’s 50th birthday party a few years ago because my mom didn’t rent out a bingo hall and cater a big shindig, instead they hosted a dinner for about 20 people at my dad’s favorite restaurant. This also wasn’t Important Enough to Attend because there was no “big party” (my grandmother’s words)
Quite frankly, I don’t give a sh!t whether or not she attends at all. To his credit, my grandfather says HE wants to come, and he doesn’t care if my grandmother does or not, which I think is nice.
Post # 8
That’s ridiculous. And sad. Your grandmother is missing out on all of these important family events because she wont’ let herself go? That’s really too bad.
Post # 9
Seniors… they say what they feel & do what they want, regardless of who it hurts. I have a diffifcult grandmother & I’m trying so hard to develop a tough skin when it comes to her comments & actions. She always has something to say…
If your grandmother has a history of being stubborn & blowing off important life events then I don’t think there is anything you can do to change her mind. If she comes, she comes… if not, then I think you need to just accept it.
It’s horrible & I’m sorry she disapproves of your choice to not have a cookie cutter wedding. Keep your head up 🙂
Post # 10
That is just rude and silly behavior on your grandmother’s part, but unfortunately it sounds like it is nothing new from her. I guess this is one of those moments where you will have to “consider the source” – the comments are clearly coming from someone that is old fashioned and if you don’t mind my saying so rude!
That said, I bet she turns around, decided to come and has a fabulous time. Tradtional weddings are fun but non traditional ones can be even more fun!!!
Post # 11
As difficult as the situation is I think you should look on the bright side, at least your grandmother won’t be bringing her bad attitude to your wedding day. I had an evil step-grandmother when I was little, and she was just as mean and hateful as anyone could possibly be. As the only “girls” in my grandfather’s life she detested my mother and me, she resented any claim we had on his affection. Let me tell you, in the eight or so years between her marrying my grandfather and his death, the best times we had were the times she threw a fit and refused to come to whatever event! I’ll never forget the Thanksgiving she stormed out and my mother, father, aunt and uncle, all over forty, and my grandfather were dancing in her living room because when she was home they weren’t allowed in there!
Post # 12
I’m actually kind of hoping she won’t change her mind and want to come, I know if she does it’ll just be one long Complain-Fest about how we decided to do things, and I’d rather not hear it.
Post # 13
You said it yourself – she’s a pain in the a**
This isn’t about you – it’s about her being a crotchety old woman. Maybe call her personally and make an appeal to have her come, but if she doens’t that’s on her. She’s being silly. Old people are like that sometimes.
Post # 14
I she planning on coming to the ceremony but not the reception? She sounds really silly, but my grandmother is equally difficult (although not about my wedding thank goodness), so I understand. Good luck!
Post # 15
We’re having a city hall ceremony and they only allow couples to have 6 guests, so only both sets of parents can be there, none of our friends or extended family get to come.