(Closed) my grandmother just stepped WAY over the line. am I crazy that this bothered me?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

omg! I would be upset as well! That is like reading your dairy when you were a kid, it’s just not right no matter how the grown up looks at it :S.

I’m sorry..

I would stick it to the man *hum …woman* and rewrite my entire vows so that she’ll not know what is coming…if that is possible πŸ˜€

and, really, unless it’s your english teacher: no one would have noticed…you could leave it in there just to annoy her…

Omg, I’m horrible. Probably shouldn’t take my advice..lol

so maybe you should: Be the better person and smile and be nice…say thanks your advice and take it with a grain of salt.

Post # 4
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

No you’re not crazy!  I’m glad you got it off your chest!  In all honesty though, I would try to let it go.  My grandma is very traditional and sometimes says things to me where I’m like, "Whaaaat?"  I know she doesn’t mean them to be rude; I think it’s just a grandmother thing.  I don’t even think she thought it was inappropriate to open the vows.  I totally get where you’re coming from, but (and not to sound sappy) I think one day years from now it will be the good times you shared with her that were more important.

Post # 5
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I agree that she shouldn’t have opened your vows, although since you didn’t ask her NOT to read them, and she was going to see them were she doing your calligraphy, I don’t think her faux pas was that bad.

I also am of a different camp– although only you know your relationship with your grandmother well enough to know whether she was being snarky, I can understand the impulse to have things grammatically correct.  I know I’d be embarrassed if I included some poor grammar in my vows, but that’s just me.

Anyway, I’m not sure this is worth getting upset with her.  I’d just say instead something like “Thanks for your concern, but FI and I wrote from the heart and want to preserve what we wrote.”  Then leave it at that.  If she still is upset, then she’s clearly off her rocker  πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It wouldn’t be a wedding without a few family-induced gray hairs!

Post # 10
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t think you can fault her for reading the vows but I agree that was a bit tactless the way she corrected your grammar.  I think you’re right in thinking that her intentions were good so if you can try to let it go.  It sounds like it was was really hard for her to write out your vows and that she was really touched by you guys asking her to do it.  I know there’s so much history that I don’t know, but as someone who just lost her grandmother (who was not the cookie baking type either) this winter, give her the benefit of the doubt and try to let it go.  I don’t recommend rewriting your vows.  Even if she has them memorized it’s not going to take anything away from your moment.  

My fiance, who was partially raised by his even-less-of-a-cookie-baking grandmother (not literally, she’s a fantastic cook) says it’s hard to give advice without knowing more of your history with your grandmother.  When I showed him my response he said it sounded good, if that counts for anything.

I hope it all works out for you guys.  Don’t do anything in anger!  πŸ˜‰

ETA: I took forever to post this so it crossed over the top of most everyone else.  It sounds like you have it all figured out and the Bee is the perfect place to vent.  So I’ll change that to good luck telling your fiance.  πŸ™‚

Post # 11
Member
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Eh old people…they’ll always find some way to offend you. Whether they know it or mean to or not.

I think it wouldn’t sound right with out the "with" in my opinion.

"someone to celebrate my triumphs and grieve my losses with" says you’re celebrating and grieving together…

"someone to celebrate my triumphs and grieve my losses" says they’re the only ones doing the celebrating and grieving. 

With sounds better to me.

Post # 13
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Isn’t the hive amazing?  I absolutely love it! 

If you’re curious, I believe the correct grammar would be “someone with whom to celebrate my triumphs and grieve my losses.”  I could easily be wrong though.  After all, the last post I created was asking for grammar help!  I’m not suggesting that you edit your vows either, I just know that I would want to know. 

Have fun planning the rest of your wedding, September is coming up soon!  πŸ˜€

Post # 15
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

So, Im going to go against the grain here. While, I think she could have approached this in a better manner and framed her edits as soft suggestions instead of must dos, I feel like gran was just trying to help. If you are going to read these in front of all your friends in family and then frame them, don’t you want them to be perfect? After taking the time to go over her edits (provided all ere gramatical and not content related), I would call her and thank her for her input. It seems like she means well and now that she has seen them, you can use this as an opprutunity to tweek the grammer without changing hte content to really make them perect before sharing with anyone else. I find that sometimes grandparents are too blunt by accident and sometimes they just feel like they are old so they can say whatever they want but either way, it seems that you have worked to get the relationship with her to a good point and this should not hinder that. Maybe I’m a bit easy on her because I can only wish for my grandmothers’ contribution (both have passed away) to my wedding vows, but I think you should take her input and cherish the fact that she cared enough to share it. She could have easily kept her mouth shut. The other half of my point it everyone has at least one friend who is a grammer freak and while no one may say anything to you, they will notice.

Post # 16
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club

Ok, so I definitely see why you’d be upset…those vows are a personal expression, and I’m sure you spent a lot of time making them sound great!  However, knowing “older” people sometimes, they say things like your grandma did not even thinking about if it is rude or not.  In her head, I’m sure shes thinking that it is a helpful criticism.  She probably should have just kept her mouth shut…but I don’t think she would necessarily do it to make you upset…but then again I don’t know her like you do.  I wouldn’t put it past my grandma to do that to me…and we have a great relationship…but she will want to put in her 2 cents any time she can…haha!

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