- 9 years ago
- Wedding: September 2009
Hey hive…sorry this is so long!
Ok, so here’s the backstory short…my Gran and I have never been super close – have actually gone through times in our life where we didn’t speak for years at a time when I was a teenager…we are thankfully over that now, and have a very cordial, friendly, if mostly superficial relationship. She’s not a cookie baking grandma, lets put it that way. Now, my FI and I had decided to write our own vows, and because she is quite talented in calligraphy, we got the idea to ask her to do the calligraphy for our vows, on some pretty paper, so we could keep them and frame them after the wedding. It would be a beautiful, sentimental way to include her, and we would have a gorgeous keepsake of the day to remind each other of what we promised on that day [not that we’re likely to forget!] She seemed kind of taken aback when I asked her, but still agreed to do it [she later told my mom how overwhelmed she had been that I asked and was worried about doing a good job, which I would never have known if my Mom hadn’t said anything!]
Anyway, we sent them off to her last week, and she called me on Monday to tell me that she has been really struggling with arthritis in her hands, and she just doesn’t feel that she can handle all the pen holding it would require. She was very matter of fact about it on the phone, and I am COMPLETELY ok with her reasoning – of course I don’t want to cause her pain! She has the pain tolerance of a horse, so if she is saying she’s in too much pain to do it, she is REALLY in pain…She gave us plenty of time to just do it in a nice font on the computer and print it up on nice paper, so we can still keep our original idea intact. I spoke with my mom later that night, and she asked if I had spoken to gran, and I said yeah, it’s too bad, but I understand. Then my mom tells me Gran was so upset about it, crying on the phone with her, and stuff, but I thought, well, she’s just not emotional with me, I guess. I didn’t give it another thought, and didn’t even think to say “when you get the vows, just don’t open them, destroy them or send them back to us” – my reasoning being that she doesn’t really need to look at them if she’s not working on them, and now she can be surprised like everyone else. And both FI and I realized that we would actually prefer that no one know about our vows until the ceremony anyway…
SO [the whole point of this looooooooooooooong ass post!] She just called me at work, and says “I just got your vows, and I have a couple of words I would like you not to say”…I was literally speechless. Not only had she opened them [since she got them today] she obviously read them, and HAD A CRITIQUE…she went on to give me a grammatical tutorial on my vows! My FREAKING VOWS!!!! That I had poured my heart into…it was a line I had included saying “someone to celebrate my triumphs and grieve my losses with”, and she doesn’t think I should includ the “with”…finishing off by telling me she hoped I didn’t mind that she mentioned it, but she didn’t want the vows to sound “strange”…I mean, maybe she has a valid grammatical point here, but honestly? I feel really angry about this! NO ONE would have noticed that in the scheme of things, correct or not, and it was just kind of mean, I think. I know in her mind, she probably meant well , but I’m still pissed off about it! I know if I go home and tell FI before decompressing here, he will hit the roof, so thanks for listening! Am I crazy?!!!!