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Can you uninvite your grandma?? LOL, I guess I'm j/k...(but think about it...)
I think you just need to KEEP saying no. Tell your mom to KEEP saying no. Start throwing out the names of people who will be assed out if the old folks show up! ("Hey Mom, we invited Bob, Julie, Kelly, Chris, and Sam, and they won't have any seats if Great Uncle Old Fart shows up!")
Have you received any declines yet? I would be VERY worried about 289 people showing up to a venue that seats 160...that is a very significant miscalculation on your part. I guess you can fix the seating chart to make all YOUR guests happy and just leave out your mom's guests, but geez, that's A LOT of people!
Yeah... believe I wish we could start over with the wedding planning/ guest list!
We're having a wedding, then a reception at our house in September for those who can't make it to the wedding (and additional people we couldn't keep on the guest list, but who we'd like to celebrate with). When we first sent out invites, I couldn't come to terms with how to invite people to the September reception without inviting them to the July wedding. Specifically, about 30 people we work with and a BUNCH of my sorority sisters and co-board members who live in the town we live in, but whom I'm not super close to.
So instead I sent invites to pretty much everyone (rookie mistake), and thus our guest list at 289. I'll be sending postcards in the next few weeks for everyone else who didn't make the guest list (that sounds to harsh), which is what I should have done for everyone we work with, etc.
A number of people from work are planning to come to the September reception, and a bunch of sorority girls aren't bringing their husbands/ FI's/ boyfriends, so that cuts it back significantly. I really do think we'll be at 150 ish.
... sigh... can I have a mulligan on wedding planning? do over?
Sounds like you have to stand your ground. I'm sure she's just proud of you and wants to share this joyous occasion with as many people as she can. But your back is already against the wall- you can't do it. Eventually she should come around, see that this isn't worth fighting over. I think you still have the right to object.
Even if you wanted to accommodate your grandma's extra guests, it really sounds like you can't, due to space. I think it's very important to make sure your mom is 100% on your side, so she doesn't cave to your grandma after a few more angry phone calls. I mean, how could you possibly argue with "There's no space!"?
What kills me about it is that I asked my mom the following:
- does she want to invite them to spend time with them? Because they live 3 miles apart. This is going to be a hot, loud, crowded day, and I doubt it'd be quality time or even that enjoyable.
- does she want to invite them to show off her family? Because her family looks EXACTLY THE SAME as we did a year ago, at my cousins 482 person wedding. (okay, I have lost 10lbs, but still, just the same)
... it's exasperating. And that she won't let it go. I've convinced my mom that we'll wait till Memorial Day weekend when I'll see my grandmother and can speak to her about it and after many RSVPS will have come in. By then we'll have a better idea of our numbers, and can go from there.
That still doesn't address the old people/ accessiblitiy issue, but I'll take it for now.
Hey CHK, I totally understand your frustration. My Gmom is absolutely horrid and unfortunately isn't slowing down at all, even at 84 years old. She has devoted her life to making my Mom's and my life a living hell by spreading rumours about us, trying to control us and generally being awful.
She very rudely told me that my sisters ceremony was awful because there was no eucharist. And told me and FI that even though we were traveling constantly and totally inconveneinced for our OOT wedding we should be taking the bus instead of the train. I nodded, smiled and walked away. Guess what - FI and I still take the train adn you better believe we're skipping the eucharist!! Sorry, everyone else at teh wedding is gonna thank us and we think you suck!!
Sorry for my rant. Anyway, I would advise you to stick to your guns by ignoring her. Just tell your Mom that the guest list is final and to tell that to your Gmom and anyone else who asks. You don't have to explain yourself and your Gmom doesn't have to come.
Ugh...I feel you on this. We should have made a rule to begin with: "No one we don't know." A bunch of guests were tacked on at the end. We were assured none would attend, but of course some of them are! I wish we'd stood our ground, so now I hope for you that you are able to.
If it helps, we invited over 330, and still expect only about 180 to attend. Our final acceptance rate will be only about 54%. What helped us was to make a copy of the guestlist and guess who'd attend and who wouldn't. We've been pretty accurate so far.
If you want to offer anything at all to your Grandma, you could tell her that if you still have spaces open on your RSVP deadline (under the 100 available), she can call and invite her brothers. But that might be dangerous because it's probably very unlikely and could just draw out the battle longer.
Bottom line: If she isn't paying, she doesn't get to have a say in the guest list. Same goes for your mom.
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Maybe I just need to vent a little bit.
My grandmother (mom's mom) is from a VERY small town, where everyone is related, and everyone is invited to weddings. Seriously, my cousin's wedding last July had a guest list of 650, and 482 showed up.
My FI and I are getting married at my parent's lake place on July 10 (8 weeks from Saturday!), and wanted something much smaller. Unfortunately, our guest list balooned to 289, which I'm still kicking myself over. We're hoping that 150 will show up... since the restaurant seats 160 (including the patio) if it's nice out, or 100 (all inside) if it's raining. The ceremony location is on the shores of the lake, and is a little bit of tricky footing, especially if you're older.
We chose the ceremony site because we only had about 10 people 60 or older on the guest list. We're making special arrangements for my grandparents, and a few great-aunts and uncles that I am close to (as in, speak to or email with 4 times a year).
My grandmother, who is in failing health, is now INSISTIENT that her brothers, who are all over the age of 80, and whom I couldn't pick out of a line up, be invited to OUR wedding. The one WE are paying for WITHOUT help from the family. Like YELLED at my mom last night about it.
I've repeatedly said no, the restaurant is at capacity, we're already screwed if there is rain to some of my FI's mom's late additions to the guest list. And my FMIL has taken it in stride. Now my grandmother adds people, and I throw up the old people/ loud/ hot (July outside) wedding/ not handicapped accessible and my grandmother will absolutely not let go of it. And what kills me is that she won't speak to ME about it, she just keeps yelling at my mom (her daughter) that I'm being rude and inconsiderate of her wishes (HELLO GRAM, we're renting a golf cart for the specific purpose of transporting YOU to the ceremony location!).
I'm mad. I'm mad because despite a lot of good reasons, I think I'm going to get backed into a corner about it and end up inviting them. And then my parents will spend more time getting my mobility challenged grandparents/ great-aunts and uncles seated at our wedding than they'll spend with me or their guests.
Any advice for how to swollow such a bitter pill? vodka?