Post # 1
It happened last Wednesday and her funeral was yesterday. She was 94 years old, suffering from Alzheimer’s and ovarian cancer. Even though my family and I knew this day was coming and we’re glad she’s not suffering anymore, I was never ready to let her go or feel this overwhelming sadness. She lived with me and my parents from when I was 3 to about 12 years old, so I was extremely close to her.
I always envisioned her being at my wedding, and although I knew that wasn’t going to be possible when I got engaged back in December because of her declining mental state and health, I wanted to be able show her pictures or at least tell her about my special day. My FI and I are supposed to have our engagement session next week and now I’m not sure I’ll be emotionally ready to take happy photos, let alone deal with anything wedding related.
Has anyone else experienced a family death before their wedding? If so, how did you deal with it and did it change your approach on wedding planning?
Post # 2
So sorry to hear this. No matter the warning or time you have to prepare, it doesnt make it easier. I recently lost my best friend who was apart of the wedding party too, 2.5 months before the wedding. Today actually is two months since she pasted. It was hard enough imagine the day without her, but having to move forward with the wedding was even harder. We had planned so many things together, just returning her dress alone was a breaking point for me.
All i can say is be thankful your Grandmother isnt suffering, and she gets to watch you in front row. She will be there with you no matter what! So sorry for your loss!
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2014 - Stevens Estate
vip0802: I’m very sorry for your loss…FI and I have no grandparents left …so I know the upsetting feeling of not having them at your wedding (I’m getting married in 5 months).
Maybe you could do some sort of memorial candle for her though at your wedding…I think it would be a nice visual to see on your big day and also remind you she’s there in spirit
Post # 5
I’m sorry for your loss
I lost my grandmother about a month ago. The hardest part of all of it is not having her at my wedding. My thoughts go out to you and your family.
Post # 6
vip0802: I’m so sorry for your loss. I got engaged in December too, and am getting married in October. I’ve not yet lost a grandparent, but my grandpa is 93, has demetia and is currently in end of life care. The last few weeks have been very tough, and he could pass away any stage in the next few weeks. I’m already absolutely gutted he won’t be there to see me get married.
Thinking of you at this difficult time xx
Post # 7
Thank you so much for your kind words and *hugs* to all of you. It’s definitely been a rough week, but I’m really grateful to my FI, family, friends, and our Corgi for the emotional support.
My last visit with my grandmother was so memorable because for the 1st time in months, she was actually somewhat lucid and was trying very hard to talk with me. I was able to tell her that I was getting married, and we spent the afternoon taking selfies and looking at pictures. It was a very bittersweet moment.
Nikkimcq: OMG, I’m so sorry to hear about your best friend. I too lost a friend 11 years ago and I was a complete wreck for months, so I can’t even imagine how heartbreaking it must have been for you to lose a friend so soon before the wedding! I admire your strength for carrying on with your wedding.
SoNLoveWithHim: Thank you
DaniDev143: I now have no grandparents left either, although FI still has one grandmother who is also suffering from Alzheimer’s and is about the same age that mine was, but she won’t be able make it to the wedding either. I was thinking of little ways to include my grandmother in our wedding, like a broach or a locket with her photo in my bouquet, but a memorial candle is a fantastic idea!
MrsMeowton: I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother as well! It’s definitely hard knowing she won’t physically be there, but knowing she’ll be there in spirit as yours will be, definitely helps a little.
Kellym84: I’m so sorry to hear about your grandpa and I completely understand how tough it must be for you and your family. As painful as it is, I hope you get to spend some more time with him in the mean time.
Post # 8
So sorry for your loss. I lost my grandfather to dementia in October 2013. We were very close when I was growing up as well. He died on a Monday morning, and I had our engagement photos scheduled for Wednesday afternoon. If anything, it was nice to have something exciting to focus on and distract me. Don’t think about how she won’t be there physically for your wedding, just focus on the engagement photo session and all the love you have for your FI. We also ended up with a beauuuuuuuuuutiful clear blue sky day for our photos, so I know my grandfather was there 🙂
Sidenote: I had some people make me feel bad for still moving forward with my e-session, as if I wasn’t grieving properly. That was one of the hardest things. But everyone is different 🙂
Post # 9
vip0802: I’m sorry for your loss. I’m in almost the same situation myself. My Grandmother is 99 and has always been very healthy up until the last two months. She wasn’t going to attend our wedding as at her age travelling out of town is too much. A few weeks ago I found out that she has terminal cancer. She currently in the hospital until we can arrange for her to get pallative care at home. We are close, my Grandmother, is the only grandparent I have ever had.
I had accepted that she wasn’t coming to the wedding but at that point she was still in good shape. So, I thought that I would be able to visit after the wedding with the pics and tell her everything. But considering how rapidly her health is declining I don’t really know if she will live that long. Our wedding is 2 months away. Since, this is all going on my mother (my Granny is her mother) hasn’t taken any interest in my wedding. I’m not angry at my mom, I understand, but I can’t help but feel disappointed. I guess that there is never a “good time” for someone to die. I’m having a tough time with this. At times feeling guilty for thinking about my wedding when she is so ill.
I did visit her 2 weeks ago. I travelled several hours by bus and “hauled” my wedding dress and veil along. I’m so glad I did. I put it on for her and the look on her face made it worth the effort. She was thrilled! That moment is something I’m going to cherish forever. We had a great visit. I also asked if I could use the wedding decorations she saved from her wedding cake and use them on mine. She was happy about this too. She got married in Northern Ireland in 1936! (yes she kept them even after moving to Canada). Maybe there is some special way you could incorporate your grandmother into your wedding? Using my Granny’s decorations on my cake has really helped me. She kept tham in her china cabinet for years. It may not mean much to someone else but it’s very meaningful for me.
I don’t think there is anyway of getting around feeling sad. But I do think that your Grandmother would be upset if you let her death “ruin” your wedding. I know it sounds cheesy…but I think you need to do your best to enjoy your wedding experience. If you don’t want to do it for yourself than do it for her. That’s what I’m doing my best to do (not saying it’s been easy) because I know that’s what my Granny wants. (((Hugs)))
Post # 10
jennie.elliott2: I wanted to add. If you don’t feel like doing your photo’s etc… that’s ok. You need to do what you feel is right for you. But something to consider – Is not doing the engagement session going to make you feel better?
Post # 11
kristen182: & jennie.elliott2: Thank you so much for the kind words and sharing your touching stories! I’ve decided to go ahead with our engagement session on Tuesday, and jennie is right since it’s not going to make me feel better if I postone it. The only bummer is that the weather forecast for that day isn’t the greatest – 87F humid and cloudy with a chance of rain. Maybe my G-ma will pull some strings and hold off the rain for me. 🙂
Post # 12
vip0802: I’m glad to hear your going ahead with the engagement pics – enjoy FYI – my finace and I had our engagement pics done this past October. I was worried about the weather as well. It was cloudy with a chance of rain. When I spoke with our photographer she said that it’s actually better/easier to take professional photos on a cloudy day. I had no idea. It was something to do with the sun and it’s reflections. She said if it’s to sunny that she has to “shade” people to get a good shot. It all worked out for us. I’m sure it will for you too. These photographers are pros. They are used to working around the weather. I’m sure he/she has a plan B even if you don’t. i’ve attached one of our engagement pics. I think they turned out great.