Post # 1
I haven’t really posted about this because I didn’t feel like airing my family’s dirty laundry. But…with the wedding coming up, I’m really upset and just need to vent.
Fiance and I got engaged in August 2010 and set a wedding date for September 2011. We ended up moving it to April 30, 2011 because 1) I wanted it sooner and 2) my grandpa was diagnosed with ALS and was given 6 months to live.
Right around the same time my grandpa was diagnosed, he announced that he was leaving my grandma to be with his girlfriend that he met online and has met up with several times. She is from the states. And is 20 years younger (ie. my parents’ age) After the diagnosis, she offered to move up here to be with my grandpa, but he said she shouldn’t uproot herself and moved to the states with her. Well now my grandpa isn’t coming back for the wedding. He says it’s because he tires too easily, but in the email updates he sends (like, 1 email every 2 months), he’s been kayaking, painting, fixing up a vacation home, etc.
I tried to tell myself that I was happy that he was making the most of those final months that he has (seems he has more time than the dr.’s originally said) and that if he needed to be with this woman to truly be happy, then that was fine…but…I’m just so upset that he doesn’t give a crap about coming to this wedding. I mean…he LOVED Fiance and was one of the people who was truly excited about us being engaged. And now…nothing. He hardly communicates with us.
Opinions? Feel free to tell me I’m being selfish and set me in my place. Just needed to vent. I realized tonight I’m really going to miss him at the wedding this Saturday.
Post # 3
Wow. I’m so sorry for you. You would think that having a few months to live would make you want to spend time with your family.
Post # 4
My grandmother was the most kind, loving person in my life growing up. We were like sisters. Up until her death when I was 15 I still spent 3 nights a week at her house.
In the weeks after she was diagnosed with blood cancer and given a month to live, she completely shut down emotionally. At the end she wouldn’t speak to me. I have no idea what must happen to a person mentally who is given a timeline like that. How do you cope with it? Do you make drastic changes hoping it will change your fate? Do you cling to the familiar as a way of coping with what’s about to happen?Do you distance yourself from the ones you love because the idea of leaving them completely shatters you?
All I can say is, it’s highly unlikely he just doesn’t care. He is dealing with something that is just incomprehensible.
Post # 5
@MrsSaltWaterTaffy: One would think so.
PS thanks for being the one to listen to my whining tonight, haha. I did not plan for 2 crabby posts, I just had to get it out tonight.
Post # 6
@KatyElle: Thanks. When you put it that way I realize I’m being a little selfish as well. I truly try to understand why he acts this way, but I just can’t (because I’ve never been in the position, as you said).
Post # 7
You are not being selfish by being hurt. It is natural for you to be hurt when it is important to you to have someone there and they cannot make it. As long as you are not taking it out on him given the situation you are not being selfish. Just focus on all the joy of Saturday and you will have an amazing night 🙂
Post # 8
I’m sorry this is happening to you.
I’m sure that your Grandpa is not doing this intentionally to hurt you.
Perhaps because of his diagnosis, he is grieving for his own loss and unable to participate as he otherwise would.
Post # 9
In my opinion, it’s not selfish to be hurt by his actions. If I was given months to live I would want to celebrate with my family. But hey, people react to the news of impending death differently. I’d pretend to be happy for him and try to separate yourself from the situation. Honestly, I feel his actions are pretty hurtful- but the man is dying so I would give him a pass.