My grumble for the day (vent)

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I get it… I would only say “it’s about time” regarding a freaking raise or promotion. I don’t know why people can’t say congrats and leave it at that… 

Post # 3
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Moneyfoot:  I do not understand people AT ALL. When a person tells you they got engaged/married/had a baby, the ONLY appropriate response is “Congratulations!” (or “I’m so happy for you!”). If you are thinking about saying something else, DON’T. This is not etiquette rocket science.

Post # 4
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Moneyfoot:  It is extremely insensitive, but it won’t end at the engagement/marriage part. When you reach milestones in life, people think that your life is like a celebrity’s and fit for discussion/extremely personal questions. I was only with my DH for two years when he proposed, and I still got the “Finally! It’s about time!” comments. Now that we are married, I get “Are you going to be a mommy soon?” comments. Keep in mind that these people do not know me at all as my friends/people that know me know that kids are just NOT my thing. I still find it insensitive – what if the SO is dragging his feet? What if you are infertile? What if there are health/money problems that need to be taken care of first? Not everyone has a the perfectly scheduled white picket fence life! I totally get you! 

Post # 5
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Easton's Beach Rotunda Ballroom

Moneyfoot:  I sadly have way too much experience with this! my future husband proposed to me on our 11th anniversary — and we’re getting married two weeks after our 12th.<br />Thankfully a lot of the “about times!” have been tongue-in-cheek and good-spirited but it can get super annoying. 

We’ve been engaged now for about 7 months and thankfully those type of comments stop and people are just excited to hear wedding details. Chin up and keep on smiling 🙂 When things get super frustrating just remember you two love each other and that’s all that matters!

Post # 6
Member
14 posts
Newbee

I understand and empathize.  My fiance and I dated for 8 years before becoming engaged.  I went to school for 7 years and found I just wasn’t ready until recently.  We, too, received a lot of “about time” and “finally!” responses.  I agree it is a little tactless, particularly because it comes across as sarcastic and almost a critique rather than a celebration of the ocassion.

A few responses/ideas to consider:

-couples who are together for longer likely better know their marriage will last (sure, a couple can get engaged after a year, but their likelyhood of divorce is significantly higher)

-you can completely ignore the comment (think of it like bullying; bullies want a response) and simply restate how happy you are to be engaged to someone you love so much

-in my experience, people who made nasty comments are unhappy in their own lives or jealous (which was obvious); friends and family who were truly happy and supportive simply responded with “wonderful news!”

My last thought it this: people will always be critical and judgemental, which says more about that person than it does about you (and your lovely fiance)

CONGRATULATIONS! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
692 posts
Busy bee

My bf and I are about to get engaged and I just know we’ll get a ton of those types of comments since we’ve been together for about 10 years. I have heard people say type of thing to women especially. It’s like they think all women are expecting or wanting a ring and wedding after a certain amount of time. I am completely unconcerned about the amount of time it took us to get engaged. I wasn’t begging for an engagement and giving a timeline or whatever. Personally, I don’t think getting engaged is that big a deal.

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