(Closed) My guy wants to spend, spend, spend . . .

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 3
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@HisQueenToBee:  If you are earning most of the money, you will be paying for most of the wedding. Unless his wealthy parents are going to pay, then he’s the one being selfish and spending your money. It’s important to align your priorities because money can cause a lot of tension in a marriage if you let it. 

If he has a “keeping up with the Jonses'” attitude and wants to impress people rather than meet your realistic daily goals, i.e. paying down debt, buying a house, starting a life, then that’s a problem. The end result of a wedding is the same – you’re married. It makes no sense to go into debt for it. 

Post # 4
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@HisQueenToBee:  For us, FH is the introvert and I’m very much the extrovert. I knew from the beginning we were looking at 20-25k for the wedding.  FH didn’t get it – mind you we have a guest list of 118, not 65 (or is it 25?)

FH didn’t get it.  So, we went venue looking, I showed him was 10k would get us, what 15k would get us, and he hated it all.  He just didn’t know what his/our taste would cost.

In your case, I think it might be the opposite.  Maybe your FH thinks that things need to cost more than they do.  Sit down and figure out your guest list.  Figure out your must haves.  Agree on those and then figure out what they cost.  Maybe your FH is assuming that your wedding has to cost 20-25k because that’s the national average.


Post # 5
2878 posts
Sugar bee

@HisQueenToBee:  I think he grew up as many wealthy people, thinking appearances are very important (therefore the need to ”impress” people with an extravagant wedding). It’s easy for him to demand this, as he never knew what it was like to struggle for money and to make choices according to a budget. 

I think your vision is way more realistic and down-to-earth, and I share your view completely. You have to explain to him why you would prefer to have a smaller wedding, and tell him what else you could do with this money. 

Thankfully, FI and I are on the same page when it comes to finances, but we grew up in similar environments, and we both support ourself as students. We’ll also both have student loans to carry once we’re done with university. Having a 20K wedding is not a priority for us, because at the end of the day we’re left alone to foot the bill. 

Post # 7
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@HisQueenToBee:  hmm.

Maybe the starting point would be compromising on either the guestlist or the choice of venue.

ie: if you give him the guestlist, you get your quiet restaurant setting.  if you give him his grander vision, you get your more intimate guestlist? 



Post # 9
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Is he like this about all of your expenses?  I would personally have a hard time marrying a spendthrift.

Post # 10
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@HisQueenToBee:  IMO, this is not a wedding issue, this is a life issue.  You guys need to do some serious talking about your approaches toward money.

I actually think that this is one of the reasons that planning a wedding is a useful exercise before you get married.  It forces all sorts of tough issues about money, religion, family, tradition, etc, to the surface all at once.

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