- 5 years ago
my heart is hurting.
my heart is hurting.
@lostheart165: Honestly, I am a little confused. Is he blaming you for what happened or for hiding it? I understand that the situation is difficult to handle, but I do not understand why he cannot move past it. If anything, this should be much harder for you to move past it.
I do not understand why he is “jealous” for having to share you. All of this happened before you were together and in an abusive relationship.
I do feel terrible about you are going through, but I do not understand why he cannot support you emotionally and physically 100% when this is something you have been struggling with for so long.
Also, how old are you two? Perhaps he is not ready to get married (regardless of the pressure from everyone) because of age, finances, personal readiness, etc, or any other reason, other than this situation.
@bmo88: partially for hiding it in the beginning, which i completely understand. i told him everything happened before i even knew him, and he knows this.
i feel like he’s basically saying now he never completely loved me as much as he used to before this. he said his vision of us shattered the day he found out. and hes hoped he wou,d get over it i guess by now.
yet he tells me he loves me, that im his girl, tells me im beautiful, and we have a active sex life. i just never expected him to still be so hurt.
something my makes me absolutely cry is when he said, “i cant remember the last time i looked at us and thought, yes, with out a doubt ill marry this girl.”
i just feel like my world is shooken up. he was supportive of me through everything getting through it. i have kept this inside for years. only he and the police know about my situation. ive kept it secret for so long. because im so ashamed.
@lostheart165: You have no reason to feel ashamed. I don’t think it is healthy to be with someone who is essentially putting blame on the victim of a situation. I understand that it is hard for him, but to say some of the things he has said and to behave this way is a little troubling. As much as it may hurt now, you may really want to reconsider your relatoinship and your future with him.
Is this relationship really healthy for you? Is this what you want from a partner or husband?
@bmo88: I wonder that too… if this is really a healthy relationship.
I completely understand why you hid it. It isn’t in any way a betrayal to your boyfriend though, and he’s kind of being immature about it.
1. You were in an abusive relationship
2. This all happened before you were with your boyfriend.
I really don’t understand his reaction, I really don’t. I think its inapprpriate considering what happened to you, and I’m very sorry. That is not only embarrassing but scarring. Your boyfriend should be more sympathetic…
i just dont believe he wants to feel this way. its scarring for him know the girl he loves has nude pictures on the i internet out there..
The police should be able to get your photos removed from those websites, at least if they are hosted in any western country. They are illegal in most countries.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please remember you were underage and taken advantage of, and it’s not your fault.
You were 15/16 years old!!! The concern with me comes from your comment about his family and church pressurizing him not to take the next step with you. You are not a bad person, and they shouldn’t treat you as such.You made a mistake! This is between you and your man, and if he doesn’t have the guts to defend you to his family and church then how can you both make this work? It is bad enough you have to re-live this horror. He should be supporting you,holding your hand, loving you,not making you feel worthless. He obviously loves you, but from your comments seems conflicted. He needs to stop visiting the pictures, and forgive you, and if he can’t,then he doesn’t deserve you. I agree with getting the police to remove the images.
i feel so damn devastaded. i was a girl thinking a proposal was coming anytime soon. then this huge bomb dropped on me last weekend.
how the heck can he be with me one minute laughing and being affectionate and then to saying you question your love for me.
it just kills me. both our familes are close and we have the same friends. what the hell am i going to do if he really tells me he doesnt want me anymore.
i just dont know if it has anything to do with just the way he is. conservative and religious. maybe he will never accept me.
@paula1248: police said not everything can be taken down. most of it has, but they told me its very hard. i have accepted this.
i have pushed this whole incident in my very back of my mind. i just want to be normal with my best friend and to be happy.
i asked him why cant we look forward to the future to create new happy memories to bury the old. im so desperate. he is such an amazing guy…just so conflicted, i wish he understood.
just what can i say to him to snap him out of this? what can i do? never text him until he wants to talk or see me? leave it up to him?
im too much of a fighter, the type of person now to say whats on my mind if im upset. i dont play the silent treatment. if somethings broke, i do my best to fix it.
im just having a terrible time trying to fix us 🙁
@lostheart165: I think you might want to talk this over with a clergymember…it sounds like you two are religious and this is where the purity issues are arising from. Go talk to a pastor/priest/whoever alone first and explain the situation (get his feedback–my guess is he will say you were a victim and want to make things right), then ask if your SO would like to speak to him alone or with you.
A guy who is basically punishing you for something like this when you were only 15 years old and being manipulated isn’t THAT amazing. You should feel no guilt about this In my opinion, and he needs to reconcile with himself that everyone has a past and has made mistakes, em including him. he’s being unfair and judging you do something which he has no right to Judge. I hope he comes around and realizes how unfair he’s being, if he’s really the kind of guy you want to spend your life with. although I wouldn’t want to spend my life with someone who doesn’t accept me, faults, history and all.
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