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I don't have anything to make you stop thinking about it and move on but you need to think about why this bothers you so much now that you can't sleep. It was a stupid woman who touched your husband, he didn't like it or enjoy it and I'm sure that you made your disapproval known even though you didn't say anything to her. Who cares if she is still having a laugh about it, why even care what a trashy person like that thinks or says about you?
I understand it upsets you but if she isn't someone that is in your life (sounds like you don't see her ever) than you kinda have to let it go. You are only hurting yourself by letting it bother you. I would be furious too but it isn't healthy (lack of sleep, stress) to keep dwelling on it. If she is a friend or someone you see often then i would confront her but if not then there isn't much you can do without looking like the bad one -- by starting a confrontation over something "small" (in their minds) that happened however long ago.
I know, you guys are right. I just feel like such a wimp for not saying anything at the time. If it was a guy doing that to me my husband would make him pay dearly, and I don't think anyone would blame him. But a woman doing the same thing is funny to people and I look foolish if I say anything. The double standard just kills me. That, and feeling like a doormat.
@meliss: I personally feel as though you showed great class. If a person is terrible enough to do something like that intentionally, they are not worth your energy. You are probably right--she may have caused a scene if you approached her on this. It would not be worth sinking to her level and letting her know she got to you. You handled yourself well. True you do not want to be a doormat, but at the same time, is it worth stirring up anything with her? You are the one who is happily married....her man has not proposed. Maybe there is a reason for this? lol I don't mean to sound harsh towards her, but obviously she has some issues she needs to work out.
I can see why you'd be upset.. but in all honesty she probably thought it was funny and just did it to be silly, drunken & playful. Perhaps in her group of friends it's a funny exchange to pat someones bum. Who knows.
It's really nothing though that I would let get you this worked up. She just wanted attention and to let it get to you gives her that.
I don't know what I would even say in a situation like that!! "Back the f$#@ off"? Eh, probably not. I agree with Corykru. Better that you handled it as you did. I think you would regret saying something if she ending up making a huge deal about it. In the end, you reacted with class to some trashy chick. You win!
I am absolutely, positively with Corykru. You didn't sink to her level. What she did was completely uncalled for, but how you handled it was fantastic.
I don't think there's anything you can do about this specific situation but I think you can use this as a learning experience for the future.
Hopefully it never happens again, but if it does, you'll already have thought of what to do/ say. You could say something as simple as "That's not appropriate." It doesn't make you look insecure-- it makes you look like you're putting an offending woman in her place. It also wouldn't specifically cause a huge scene and you can feel good about standing up for your husband.
Just a thought.
It's a lost cause at this point. Nothing really worth worrying about now. He's not going home with her, didn't enjoy her touching him...just time to move on.
Think of it this way...your husband is hot enough that other women want to touch him. It happens..sometimes on purpose sometimes not.
It's not like he wanted her to do that. Not at all.
I would just do as you did, and let it slide, but do remember in case you're ever both in her company somehow again. Just make a mental note of it, and when the friend of yours returns from her honeymoon, I'd let her know in a friendly way what her moh did.
Wow..that is really poor behavior even if she did mean for it to have been the groom. Imho, uncalled for in any situation.
Thanks to everyone who said I was right in taking the high road. It makes me feel better about my perceived inability to handle the situation right at the time. I did sleep better last night without dreaming of sticking this girl's head in a microwave.
Since your Husband was mortified, Ide say just let it go and laugh at it. Like your Hubby must have a sexy bum, but its all yours. ;)
Then just dont talk to the biatch ever!
I have to say, that although I'm very sorry it's affecting you this way, I really don't think she would have meant much by it and it was probably just a silly drunken thing... maybe someone even dared her to do it? Yes it is childish, and I completely understand that everyone is different, but I think that she probaly didn't mean anything by it and would be mortified if she knew it had been taking as anything more than a joke. I would just laugh it off as a funny story if I were you.
Definately think you did the right thing.
A few weeks ago we were on a trip with my husbands family and I accidently rubbed my BIL bum. Him and his bro do look somewhat alike but it was more that my husband was standing next to me while I was talking to someone on the other side of me, so I was turned. Well my husband goes off and my BIL is now standing next to me. After I'm done talking I'm looking out at the sunset and put my arm around my husband, but really my BIL, and my hand is more on the lower back and I think I even gave a little *Pat pat* on his bum when I put my hand there. When I finally fully looked up to see if he was enjoying the sunset (it was probably only like 5 seconds) I'm like whoa you're not my husband. Then I'm like why didn't you say anything! Soo, I was quite embarrassed but it would have made everything 10x worse if people had started a fight over whether it was intentional or not.
@troubled: LOL, that's actually quite funny :) I definitely would've been more light hearted about it if this was a friend/relative rather than an obnoxious stranger.
@meliss: I can only say, if something like that ever happens to my husband and I, I can only wish I will have your tact and grace. I tend to be extremely mellow, to the point that people are truly shocked if they see me react to something. But, I'm also extremely territorial and protective and if some girl wants to grab my dudes bootie (which is very cute by the way lol) she's going to get the wrath...That's MY bootie to grab, not hers. lol
Honestly you handled it really well. I would just move on and forget about it. I have a similar story: I was at a party with my DH. I was in the kitchen talking to a GF of one of our friends. Her BF comes up to us and puts his hand on my lower back and starts to go in for a kiss on the cheek and she started cracking up! He finally realized he had the wrong girl and was soooo embarrassed. We got a really good laugh out of it though.
you have a wonderful husband. she is still trying to convince her baby daddy to propose. i think you won.
Ugh. That's so annoying. I'm sorry you have to deal with it. Just try to find peace in the fact that your husband was absolutely mortified as well.
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Yes, you read that right. And I'm mad as hell about it
We were at the wedding of a very close family friend of his (she was the bride), and her MOH who we've never met before grabbed my husband's butt right next to me! She laughed it off and pretended it was a mistake; said she thought he was the groom. Now, 1. my husband looks nothing like the groom, 2.who gropes their best friend's new husband at their wedding at which you're a MOH? Is this a tradition I'm unaware of? So I don't believe her story for one minute. I think she was drunk and thought this was funny. She was talking earlier about being bitter her bf and the father of her two kids (who was also at the wedding) didn't propose to her still so maybe she was trying to get back at him...Or maybe she got jealous because people were complimenting me all night and we're a newlywed happy couple. I don't what her sick reasons were and frankly I don't care.
Problem is...Because I didn't want to create a scene at the wedding, because there were so many other people there and I didn't want embarrass myself by looking like an insecure wife, and because I was raised very prim and proper and wouldn't know the first thing about picking a fight with some ghetto girl(sorry if this word is not PC, I don't know how else to describe her) , I couldn't say anything. But it's been two days now and I'm so mad about it I can't sleep. I'm having the ultimate "if I could go back and say something to her now" moment. If he was a guy who grabbed me, my husband would punch him. Yet because she's a girl, she gets away with sexually harassing someone in public.
My husband says first he thought it was me, then when he saw it was another woman he was mortified. He said he was just embarrassed about the whole thing, wanted to believe it was a genuine mistake and just let it go. But he now believes she did it on purpose too.
Please tell me something to help me get over being so angry and upset :( I just want to forget about it and let go but I can't! We probably won't see this woman again for a long time so I'll never get to confront her. Meanwhile she's probably still having a good laugh about it.