My husband had a necklace made for me after I told him not to

posted 3 months ago in Married Life
  • poll: Reaction?
    Relax. He gave you a gift. Say thank you and move on. : (152 votes)
    67 %
    This is an unacceptable blatant disregard of your feelings : (74 votes)
    33 %
  • Post # 106
    Member
    127 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Castello di Vincigliata

    Can I please just see the necklace already?? 😂

     

    Post # 107
    Member
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    ela0919 :  I know right? This whole board would have to be shut down by that logic, since it’s ridiculous to complain about bitchy bridesmaids/a cheating FI/your botched wedding dress when there are people dying in Syria. 

    Everyone has problems, and I firmly believe that everyone has the right to have a whinge about those problems every now and then. They may not be the most severe problems in the world but they do matter to the person experiencing them.

    Post # 108
    Member
    2817 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    amygdala :  Okay, OP,…but did you guys sit down and have a talk on what made him go forward with it when you already declined the idea? Did you talk about establishing consent from one another for large purchases regardless? Tell him that gifts gifted with disregard for the recipients feelings really only serve the gifter. Really him choosing a gift even after your clear lack of consent is as bad as someone breaking the gift “laws” and complaining about a gift. If you like blue clothes but you know the person you gift hates them, who are you really shopping for and what does it say about you.

    Between you wearing it and you saying you like it, you’ve given him a green light that ignoring your feelings earlier was fine and his instincts were right. Just because you took it down a notch from love doesn’t mean you communicated clearly for the future. So, be prepared for more gifts you decline but he goes ahead with anyways.

    I would like to see a picture though (not to say it’s not so bad or be grateful) because curiousity after eight pages and to see what design he came up with.

    Post # 109
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee

    It doesn’t matter what the necklace looks like. Why do ppl keep asking about it? She told him twice that she didn’t like it. That’s enough. It doesn’t matter whether any of us like it or think it’s “not that bad.”

    also- even if her husband had paid deposit or in full either or both of the times she said that she didn’t like it, he could’ve still changed the design or even transferred the money to another item. Or, if he’d somehow already had it made and bought it before both times, he could’ve told her – “I’m sorry, but I pretended it was just an idea when I’ve really had it the whole time bc I had it made before I realized I should ask you.” My FI knows that it’s best to have me involved in any custommade gifts (for me) that aren’t returnable.

    OP: since you say his mom does this type of thing all the time, it seems pretty important to talk to him about it even though it’s the first time he’s done it to you. He could be starting a pattern and might be much more likely to stop if he realizes that it’s odd/rude to give someone a present that you know (in advance) they don’t like and it kinda pushes them to wear it (even though you know they don’t like it).

    Post # 110
    Member
    705 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I’m with you. Jewelry = just an object. Listening to and respecting each other = core relationship issue. I’d be irritated. I would at minimum ask him why he chose to go ahead to give it to me when I said I didn’t want it, and try to figure out why he ignored me and whether he’s making a big assumption about me that he needs to correct. 

    Post # 111
    Member
    431 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I do not understand why people are saying you are being ridiculous/ungrareful for for being upset. You are not complaining that your gift was too small, not fancy enough, not expensive enough, etc. You didn’t want a gift. You didn’t want THIS gift. You told him multiple times.He didn’t listen. 

    My sister is extremely classic in her taste and had shared with her now-husband phtoos of simple, inexpensive, but classic diamond engagement rings she wanted before they got engaged. He instead picked out an incredibly strange ring design that was an almost unheard of gemstone for an engagement ring. Thr ring fit him (he is pretty alternative) but in no way fit her. She was heartbroken, not because she didn’t like the ring (she didn’t, but that want the point), but because for the years they were together he didn’t once listen to her, and chose something that anyone who knows her would have immediately pointed out as the complete opposite of her. It was so disheartening for her that the person who should know her best completely disregarded her preferences. It had nothing to do with money, but rather communication and respect. She would rather have worn no engagement ring if she knew he would go out of his way to ignore her preferences. 

    I roll my eyes at many WB posts but not this one. I would rather my husband listen to me and NOT buy me material items than to downright ignore my repeated input and requests and buy me a gift I specifically said I didn’t want. I don’t need THINGS from him, I need communication and respect. 

    Post # 112
    Member
    227 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    kittysoftpawz :  I’m with you 😂😂😂

    OP, just give the necklace to me and I’ll wear it for you lol

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