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My relationship is in shambles. We have no intimacy anymore. Please advise
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My husband has a very low sex drive

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
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    1.
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    Wannabee
    moonieme    July 21, 2008  

    Hello all. I'm not revealing myself due to the nature of this post, but I just want to lay it out there. My husband's sex drive is very low and he is just not your typical male (which is good in most ways, but not so good when it comes to this). He is very respectful and was raised well. He knows how to treat women and has never once, even when we were dating, done anything untoward towards me. I made the first move on him in the intimacy department! He is not very visual, and just doesn't respond like most guys do to certain stimuli. Once again, this is a good thing as it helps me to know he is not some wild animal who cannot resist his urges, but sometimes I take it personally and we end up fighting. I know he finds me attractive, and I know he is not cheating so please don't even go there. We have had talks about his drive before, but he said he has always had a low one and it has caused him problems in the past as well. I know he loves me, he is just not one to make sexual passes or really initiate much, and being his wife I am bothered by this. I just wanted to vent and get some other bees opinions. Thank you.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    VirginiaMarie    January 2011   Austin, TX

    There has to be something he enjoys, no?  Even...oral?  I don't know that I've heard of a guy not enjoying that.  If he does, maybe you should try to sneak that on him to get him more used to fooling around? This would be tricky.  I guess you could always slip some Cialis into his pudding. (?)

     
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    lilyfaith    June 23, 2012   Lakeview, Chicago

    Is he uncomfortable talking about this? I think the most important thing is that whatever is causing this is out in the open. He's probably embarrassed, so it might help if you open with how much you love him and how important it is to you to show him that in... other ways. ;) 

     
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    jennybirdy    June 5, 2010   St. Louis, MO

    You need to have a conversation with him so he understands exactly how important this issue is.  It doesn't allow you both to experience the level of intimacy that is afforded to married couples.  It is also a need of yours that is not being met.  Maybe if you frame the conversation this way, he may understand the issue better.

    Also, just a thought, could this have something to do with a hormonal problem?

     
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    artbee    February 28, 2010  

    is he on any medications? that could be effecting him.

    @virginiamarie my guy doesn't like oral. i know, weird. he doesn't think it's as intimate and would prefer the traditional, where we can be closer.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    VirginiaMarie    January 2011   Austin, TX

    @artbee, I wish Mr. Virginia didn't like oral so much!!!!   Wowza.  

    Side note, I do think being sexually compatible is important.  You should definitely talk to FI, and maybe see a sex therapist?  

     
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    ashroehrs    December 11, 2010   Joplin, MO

    It may be a testosterone deficiency.  One of my friends had this experience.  He never wanted sex at all.  He went to the doctor, who checked him out.  They put him on some medication and fixed the problem :)

     
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    Buzzing bee
    skibobrown    July 31, 2010   CA (wedding in Bar Harbor, ME)

    Along the same lines as ashroehrs, has he ever discussed this issue with his doctor?  There might be something going on here that the wonders of modern medecine could easily fix.

     
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    Sulli301    June 26, 2010   Michigan

    I agree, talk to a doctor. Other than that, try using some sexual "suprises" :) ;)

     

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