Post # 1
We are both 28. Married a year. Everything normal is perfect between us, we spend a LOT of time together. Let me say that normally we say we love each other 39,390 times a day and we are very happy.
We get into fights maybe once every 9 months that sometimes tend to be a little “big”.
Anyway we got into a fight last Monday night. Same fight we kinda always get into all the time that he is unapprecaitive and selfish, seems to be so focused on his hobbies and video games that he doesnt even like thank me for thinkgs anymore, or put his phone down during dinner. To which I get ” well i never go out with my friends and spend all my time with you, you dont appreciate that!” “you are acting crazy ” ” are you on your period or something?.
Anyway.. in the heat of fighting I said something like ” you are so selfish you deserve to be alone!” ( he has said WAY worse to me in the past)
So now its SIX days of silent treatment. He sleeps on the couch.
On day 3 I asked if he wanted to talk and he said no, and I walked away.
I didnt wear my ring to work one day, andi noticed that the next day, he stopped wearing his.
I dont want to approach him again because i TRIED to on Day 3, but he flat out told me no.
What really tips the charts is that we are TTC and he KNOWS that I was supposed to know If I was pregnant or not yesterday. Didn’t even ask me about it.
Does he just NOT care? is he too selfish to even remember we were supposed to find out yesterday? ( I still dont know if i am or not though).
I checked his phone to see if he vented to any friends, but nothing out of the ordinary.
Anway, I needed to vent. any advice is apprecaited.
Post # 2
My advice? Talk to him. you are both being childish. You need to stop TTC and work on your relationship, if something little like that can rock the boat this much you guys really need to talk things out.
Post # 3
yellow7404: Yell, scream, whatever. Just let it out. You can’t let this brew until one of you leaves out of spite. Take my advice, DH and I used to fight the exact same way. Once we learned how to let our feelings out, although we still fight occasionally, it always gets resolved quickly. BTW don’t go snooping through his phone. He has good reason to hold that one against you if you get caught.
Post # 4
Well clearly not everything IS perfect is it? Otherwise you wouldn’t be arguing about him being more focussed on his hobbies and video games than he is on you.
That said, the silent treatment is an exceedingly childish and unproductive way of resolving things. As is taking your rings off in the middle of these silent hostilities!
I think you both need to address your communication problems. It has to be possible to disagree and resolve disagreements with respect.
Post # 5
You need to talk this out. If you can’t deal with an argument with open communication, you probably have bigger issues that will be made worse by bringing the added stress and responsibility of kids into it. I’m not trying to say you have a terrible relationship or something – but I agree with wandering_gypsy, you’re both being immature. You need to deal with this current issue, then work out how you deal with conflict together. Whether you’re pregnant now or not, it’s not healthy for you to regularly have these kinds of blow-up, all out fights. Conflict and arguments are normal, but the way you’re dealing with it isn’t. Maybe you can get some counseling together? There are great marriage counselors who can help you figure out how to have more open communication and productive conflict in your relationship.
Post # 6
Please resolve your communication issues before you have a baby. I second PPs who said you are both acting like children.
Post # 7
You guys are both being very passive aggressive, and THIS is coming from me, the queen of passive aggressive!
You actually sound a lot like my DH and me, except we have never gone this long without talking. One of you needs to swallow your pride and break the silence. Even if he said no, YOU just talk.
Post # 8
You guys are both going to be 30 soon and possible parents. My advice: grow up!
Post # 9
It seems like he is resenting the spending alot of time together. Does he ever go out with his friends? Seems like he just needs a guy night.
Post # 10
why do you two spend so much time together? Let him have a little bit of space.
Post # 11
Ugh, please don’t bring a baby into this disfunction.
Post # 12
Be the bigger person. keep trying to talk to him. You’re both being selfish and childish.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
yellow7404: Let’s realize that saing I love you 39,900 times a day does not mean you two are treating each other with respect. Instea dof just saying I love you, it seems like you need to show some love.
Personally I would definitely not be trying to TTC with the enormous communication problems you are having. This is a major, major issue that you need to deal with before you have children (who only make things worse). I cannot believe he says such mean things to you, that is just horrible!
Post # 14
I really can’t even relate to or understand this…
How can two people who are in love & live under the same roof really not talk for a couple of days, let alone 6 days? I find it so unhealthy.
I think it’s really awful that he declined to talk after 3 days of stonewalling you and you attempting to bring up the topic. And as much as I think he owes it to you to attempt to open the lines of communication now, it doesn’t seem like he is going to. I think for the sake of peace you really need to go to him and tell him you can’t live like this and that it isn’t healthy. You can’t resolve an issue you refuse to communicate on.
Not to mention, what you said was quite mean, but hardly the kind of thing I would expect to elicit 6 days of silent treatment! My husband & I have said worse thing to each other and made up like an hour later.
Post # 15
I am really sorry. That used to be us (well to be fair, DH’s desired fighting style. I am not able to give people space to cool off and don’t respond to the silent treatment).
What I found really helps is appologizing for what I did wrong (even when 99% of the blame is on him and a jury of his peers would confirm he was being an absolute ass, there is something that I probably wish I would have done differently) and take the option that making up was more important than being right. I have found that DH is incapable of admitting when he is wrong (and I have no problem explaining exactly how I feel to him), but if I take the first step of appologizing and we can begin to heal and repair. Then later, like weeks later after a big fight, we talk about how we could have avoided the sitution and what we should have done differently. That really helps too.