Post # 1
Well, he’s not leaving me. But he’s planning on taking a job my uncle offered him for the winter months. DH owns a lawn care business, so obviously he can’t do that in the winter (unless we lived in Florida or something). I will only have a part time job once school season starts, which is what I wanted. But now because of some unforeseen events (I’ll get to that later) isn’t really great at all. And, it’s too late to ask to stay full time. So, money would be REALLY tight this winter, until my uncle offered DH this job. The problem is DH will have to leave Sunday night, and he won’t come home until Thursday night. UGH! This is probably going to make me sound like a baby or something, but this winter is going to SUCK. I can barely fall asleep when DH is out late with his friends. So, on top of probably crying every night, I’ll turn into a Zombie. I don’t want him to go! But, I know he has to, and I feel like it’s my fault (the unforeseen events). Here’s a link to kind of fill you in, so you don’t get confused:
If you don’t want to read that, here’s the short version. I was in a car accident in February. The roads were slippery, so I was only going 15mph, but the person in front of me was turning and I couldn’t stop. So I ended up hitting them. We found out through the accident that our car insurance company dropped us (if you want to hear the details on that, read the other post). We hadn’t heard anything from the other insurance company, so we figured that they weren’t going to want any money from us. Well, in April we got a letter from THEIR insurance company saying they wanted x amount of dollars from us for car damages. And we just heard from them again that they was even more money from us for personal injuries. Our lawyer is trying to work something out with them, but he’s talking high monthly payments because they want it payed off in two years, and we’re already living paycheck to paycheck. So, DH feels he has to take this job so we can make it through the winter. So, I can’t help thinking that if I hadn’t gotten in that accident, we wouldn’t have to give these people this X amount of money, and he wouldn’t HAVE to take this job. He would probably still consider it, but not as much as he’s considering it now. UGH! I feel so hopeless, and sad, and I don’t know what I’m going to do. Yea, he’ll be back for the weekend, and I realize it’s not like he’ll be across the country, but I’m still going to miss him.
Am I being a baby? How do you Bee’s help keep yourself from missing SO/FI/DH so much when they’re away?
Post # 2
So for the first 2 years of my FI and I’s relationship he would be gone for 2-4 months starting in November due to work. It didn’t help that his normal work schedule consisted of him being home any where from 10-15 hours then gone for 24. I went to school and worked. A lot. I would try and see friends 1x a week. (I don’t have a lot of friends that lived close). I read a lot and focused on my dog. I also spent time with my family.
Now we moved away from them and I am struggling…. I don’t have any friends up here so I understand what you are going through. And you can’t blame yourself. In no way is him taking this job have to do with your car accident. Something else could’ve happened. Life has a way of knocking people around at no fault of their own.
Post # 3
I definitely understand where your coming from. You will drive yourself crazy feeling guilty about the accident. I think it will definitely be hard but you will likely adjust as time goes by. Spending time with family and friends or picking up a new hobby might be very helpful. Skype might come in handy as well.
Post # 4
I think you have to take some deep breaths and accept the reality of what is. You can’t waste your energy thinking “What if I hadn’t had that accident” or “this is my fault.” You have to think of a plan of attack for dealing with the time your DH will be gone and do what you need to to get through it.
Post # 5
Ckasnoff: Kacey23: Thanks guys. My sis has said that I could come stay with her and my BIL those 4 nights that DH will be gone. I probably won’t stay the night, I would feel awkard doing that. But I’ll probably spend a lot of afternoons with her and her babies. I also haven’t spent any time with my best friend since DH and my wedding. Maybe we’ll spend some more time catching up. <br />I feel like this job is just going to remind me of when we were in college. He would come visit me or I would go home every weekend (to see family too). But still. I liked when we got married that we could come home from work to each other. And now, that won’t be happening for a while…
Post # 6
MrsWoods47: Tis life. Especially when they are the “bread winner”. Just focus on finding your identity while your husband is working. We tend to get lost in our SO and relationships when you have somebody home every night. I have faith you can survive this. If I can, I know you can!
Post # 7
ETA. I don’t see my H throughout the week during the school year, but I really don’t mind that much. I’m only bothered if I don’t see him on the weekends too.
Post # 8
I stay busy, courses, gym, friends, projects at home (mostly closet organization). There’s so much you can do…
Post # 9
My fiance and I have never lived in the same town until this month! Now I finally am moving cross country to be with him, but even so, he works 13+ hour days and I will be at work when he comes home and goes to bed. It sucks and it can be terribly lonely. Dive into work and working out! Also, I know it costs money and money is tight for you, but get a cat or a dog if you don’t have one! They are surprisingly good company and my dog makes me feel so much safer and better when I’m home alone at night!
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
hwo0801: Oh, a pet! Such good advice!
I was long distance for two years. It sucked, but I enjoy independent time: for reading, crafts, watching TV my SO doesn’t like, hanging out with friends.. there’s a lot you can do! I really recommend exploring some inexpensive crafts.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2015 - Golf Course
I know it sounds hard, but try not to over think the accident and guilt yourself! Not quite to the same scale as I had no insurance troubles, but I was at fault in an accident last year and just felt so stupid and guilty about it as my insurance payments went up from $175 to $325. But my mom, fiance and friends all just reassured me that what’s done is done, we can only learn from our mistakes!
As for not missing your FI, I’m afraid I don’t have much advice… I’m used to going to bed before him, and the once a year conference he attends just flies by. Just try and keep busy! Is there a hobby you’ve been hoping to learn? Knitting, crafting, baking? Maybe you can try that while he’s away!
Post # 12
Ckasnoff: Thanks again! I really appreciate your words of encouragement!
tcgstar: Is he a teacher? I do like getting time to myself, but not that much time! 😛 I recently started working out. I should see if there are any inexpensive gyms in our area. And I do feel like our apartment is SO disorganized. I feel like I haven’t had ANY time to keep up with housework. Especially with both of us working and just wanting to relax and enjoy each other’s company at the end if the day.
hwo0801: I feel like that’s how it was when we first got married. He was working to part time jobs and was usually gone for one of them by the time I got home from work. Unfortunately our apt complex no longer allows pets. There was an incident over the winter. And have a studio, so space is very limited. I normally would never agree to get a pet. I’m not much of an animal person and I have pet allergies. But, I would gladly take some form of company. Haha
prahajess: I will definitely have plenty of time to catch up on my favorite shows. What do you like to watch? And I do have a few sewing crafts I’ve wanted to do. I also have done nothing about a wedding scrapbook album yet and it’s been a year and a half since our wedding.
FutureFong: like I said to prahajess, I do have some sewing and scrap booking I’ve been wanting to do.
Thank you all for your advice.
Post # 13
That’s a GREAT rotation! LOL. I think you’re over-reacting. Stay busy, plan nice dinners for the days he’s home. Make sure the house is tidy so when he gets home you can relax and enjoy each other in a restful environment.
My husband works out of town. He’s on a 15 and 6 rotation, meaning I see him only every other weekend. I work locally (I’m the breadwinner), and while it sucks sometimes, it’s what’s necessary right now.
Last summer we were both working out of town, and our shifts were completely opposite. We saw each other 4 days in 4 months. Focus on friendships, take a class, and stay busy. Don’t dwell on it and you’ll be fine.
Post # 14
MrsWoods47: since you are only planning to work part time, could you either look for a full time job or a second part time job? That would kill 2 birds….your time would be occupied so you wouldn’t have as much energy to waste missing your husband, and you would be able to help improve your financial situation.
Post # 15
MrsWoods47: It won’t be fun especially at first. Find some hobbies and friends to keep busy. Skype with him. And keep things in perspective, think of all our troops who are overseas for months at a time, no weekend breaks like your hubby gets. I think of things like that when I am feeling blue about something.