My husband isn't invited

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
Member
9241 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Lola_Ray:  I would decline.  But I also would have had a talk with her about her issues with my husband a long time ago. 

Member
1852 posts
Buzzing bee

i def think if you’re the maid of honor you should be allowed to have your husband around.

Member
1806 posts
Buzzing bee

I would decline as well and tell her that unless she starts to at least accept that my husband is part of my life then I would be done with the ‘friendship’ as well. It’s one thing to have friends that you hang out with on your own but another thing entirely if they hate your husband.

It sounds like you generally just accept whatever this ‘friend’ tosses your way without saying anything…time to stand up and just say no!

Member
2298 posts
Buzzing bee

That is a straight up slap in the face. I would suggest addressing it now before the wedding gets closer.

“Is the engagement party a ladies only thing? Because I noticed John wasn’t on the invitation.”

If she won’t reconsider and invite him to the party and to the wedding, I would have to step down from being MOH. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can do a good job of being Maid of Honor. This process is about supporting you not only in the wedding but also standing by you through your marriage. If you can’t respect my marriage enough to invite DH, I can’t stand up at the celebration of your marriage.”

Member
329 posts
Helper bee

I think since you accepted the position of MOH, you’re stuck with the bride and her rudeness all the way up to the honeymoon. 

Are they in the same local area as you? Just to keep the peace, maybe you’re husband could drive you and the kids over to the party, drop you off there alone, the take the kids somewhere to get supper for himself and the older child for about an hour, then bring you some take-out for supper when he picks you up around 7:30. Not sure how the bride would feel about it, but all the other party guests would totally understand your early departure.

And then you’ll be done dealing with them til the next event.

Member
59 posts
Worker bee

You were right when you said your husband is the most important relationship in your life. Thats how it should be. You should talk to him and get his opinion in it. 

But if I were in your shoes I’d probably not go and explain to my friend that its hard for you to get there without his transport.

Member
3673 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, that’s harsh. I wouldn’t go, and I would tell her that she needs to accept your husband and you as a social unit. It’s not like you’re insisting on bringing him to every casual get-together or girls’ night out, but for him to be excluded from the engagement party when you’re the maid of honor is not cool.

Member
118 posts
Blushing bee

I would decline. It is very disrespectful and as you said, your relationship with your husband is what is most important. 

Member
4326 posts
Honey bee

I would decline…..

Member
626 posts
Busy bee

So she wants you to support HER relationship/impending marriage, but she won’t support yours? That’s not cool. MOH or not, if it was me, I’d probaby decline. It sounds like she won’t even make the effort with your DH.

Member
4736 posts
Honey bee

@Ashley_P:  How was OP meant to know (when she accepted being MOH) that the bride wouldn’t invite her husband? I would decline the invite. Then there is the unspoken assumption that I’d do the same if DH wasn’t invited to the wedding.

If OP doesn’t take a stand now, the bride will shut him out other times.

Member
6219 posts
Bee Keeper

@Lola_Ray:  Tell her you can’t drive there without your husband. If she still says no, then tell her you can’t get there and thus she’ll have to come up with another Maid of Honor.

@Ashley_P:  I think since you accepted the position of MOH, you’re stuck with the bride and her rudeness all the way up to the honeymoon.

I have a question about this mindset. Assume you’re a MoH. What if your bride suddenly told you that you needed to give her money towards her honeymoon fund, on top of the gift you already bought her (Not assuming you threw/gave a gift for an engagement/bridal shower party), and on top of your clothes as well? That’s pretty rude and costly financially. Would a MoH be forced to stick around in that situation just because she agreed to be a MoH?

Typically, MoH are people you’re close to. If I was acting like this bride is, I would wholeheartedly expect my MoH (Who is my very nearest and dearest friend) to laugh in my face and tell me where to shove it. I’d be pissed off as hell, but she’d have every right to do it, and I’d eventually get over it and feel cripplingly bad.

Member
7934 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

you need to address this now. What happens if she doesn’t invite him to the wedding? I like @NAvery‘s suggestion a lot. It gives her an opportunity to recognize her mistake and correct it.

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