My husband tells everything to his parents

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 46
Member
3677 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

My husband used to do this.  He stopped after I told him that it made me feel like his parents were his partners, not me.  

 

Post # 47
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I agree with PPs who said that you need to have a conversation with your husband and set down explicit boundaries about what can be shared and what can’t. This doesn’t mean vague topics like “telling someone what we want to do”, and it will require you meeting him in the middle.

E.g., you might agree that discussing finances with others is off-limits, and that it’s not his place to share any details about YOUR job. But you might also agree that it’s okay to discuss upcoming purchases in broader terms: that you’re planning to buy a car, but not how much you’re planning to spend on it.

Personally, I’d say that the general car discussion falls into the realm of normal conversation—I would tell a casual acquaintance that we were thinking of getting a second car because our schedules were going to be different. I would probably end a relationship with someone who said that it was unacceptable to share any information about future plans and motivations.

Post # 48
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If this is marriage ending I don’t know why you married him I mean you KNEW this about him.  This being said I do think he crosses some privacy boundaries but you also need to seriously chill out.  Sharing plans to buy a car is normal what do you expect him to o ly talk about sports and the weather to his parents?  Do you not share anything with your parents?

Both of you need to sit down and see what is actually private matter between you to.  This is typically sex life, health issues and finances.  but I do think both of you need counceling: him to respect a couples boundaries, you to recognize what is a healthy sharing relationship.

Post # 49
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I am having same trouble. My husband agreed that he will not share. Somehow when caled at his home they knew everything about what was going on and above all i have to handle my sis in laws tantrums as I live with her. I am most dumb in the world agreed to live with her. Now the situation is I love my husband.He loves me but he also want to do the things that i dislike that is sharing with his parents.He cares for me but parallely he does that too which annoys me . Please provide some advice

Post # 50
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2016

somethingblue04 :  no. You’re wrong. You should UNDERSTAND what privacy means especially when you’re already married. If your partner told you that it is a big deal to her not to tell your parents and you’ve done the opposite, it clearly shows you don’t respect her. It’s not about being insecure and controlling, it’s about being MATURE enough to understand and respect what your partner needs in your relationship. After all, a man should cleave to his wife and none else. When you got married, both of you became each other’s confidant. Trust forms when you respect each other’s wants and needs. All in all, stop being a pansy, be a man, and stop being so immature that you have to report everything to mommy and daddy! Just because they are his parents doesn’t mean they can meddle! Doesnt mean they need to know every single detail. This is why some husbands/wives never grow up. Because mommy and daddy gets in the way! They always need to know everything and this is counterproductive!

Post # 51
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

nikkk14 :  “All in all, stop being a pansy, be a man”

What a disgusting comment.

Funny how women aren’t told to start ‘being a woman’ for talking to their parents.

Post # 52
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2016

zzar45 :  oh wow just because i said that phrase doesnt mean it only applies to men. Stop with your biased way of thinking

Post # 53
Member
2070 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

You do realise this thread is two years old?

Post # 54
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

nikkk14 :  biased?? You’re the one who thinks you can’t ‘be a man’ and tell your parents that you’re buying a new car.

Post # 55
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2016

zzar45 :  you tell that to your mommy and daddy. They will surely agree with you lol

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