(Closed) My husband would rather spend the New Year's Eve with his friends

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t think your husband is getting bored with you. Maybe being married for 5 years has made him complacent, and he thinks he has to put not as much effort into your marriage. He probably thinks since he works so much and barely sees his friends, he wants to go party for a bit. Since you guys are married now, maybe he thinks there will always be time in the future to have family time. Or maybe he’s just a jerk; who knows? In any case, if you aren’t comfortable with him spending the holidays with his friends, speak up! Demand that your family and the time spent together be a priority. If he refuses to do so, then this is a huge red flag.

Post # 5
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@carmenlg0412:  Not cool! Especially when you have a child.

I think you should tell him that an overnighter is worth two nights’ babysitting while you go out on girls’ nights with your mom, sister(s) or friends. I was a SAHM (Stay At Home Mum) until our youngest was 5, and I made sure he understood that I worked just as hard at home as he did at work!

Post # 7
Member
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@carmenlg0412:  OH HELL NO!!! THIS WOULD NOT FLY WITH ME. Your husband is stressed out? What about the stresses of being a mother to a 5 year old child. He has gone on an island getaway with friends and you werent invited to go? You got dinner as compensation.

I would be having a serious talk with him when he returns about where his priorities are.  I would put my foot down and explain that you all havent had so much as a weekend alone much less an island getaway and that if doesnt understand that couples time is just as important as friend time that you can make sure he spends alot of time with his friends when you file for divorce.

You explained how much this holiday meant to you and he still went. Honey if it was me, his stuff would be packed and sitting on the front porch when he came home.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

   @carmenlg0412:  Im so sorry you are going through this. I am a firm believer that if you tell your spouse or SO that your bothered by something and they continue to ignore your feelings that they dont care about your needs. Im sorry this happened to you. I wished he had understood your feelings. Its clear that you love him very much. You certainly deserve better treatment by someone who is suppose to love you. Hugs!!!!!

Post # 10
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have been with my husband for over 3 years now and have been really upset with him this holiday season . He missed both Xmas and New Years due to going in to work to get paid triple time even though I told him how much it meant to me to be with him at midnight on New Years he’s acting like I’m the selfish one to want that and that work comes first . I do not know what to do ?

Post # 11
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ttrrhh:  There are times when work comes first but there are also times when your relationship comes first. You have every right to be angry with him, especially as he worked both of the holidays. Did he “need” to work (do you really need the money right now) or has work always been his priority over you?

I don’t know what advice to offer apart from saying it is time for him to realise you are important. 

Post # 12
Member
2133 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

 

Ttrrhh:  I usually don’t respond to old threads that have been “rekindled”…ummm but did you say triple time? Aaahh my a$$ would be right at work too…and I wouldn’t have a problem with my SO working on a holiday…bills don’t take holidays.

Post # 13
Member
7177 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Ttrrhh:  if he’s getting paid triple time to work on the holidays, I’d probably plan an alternate holiday celebration with him. Working just those two shifts would be more than a week’s pay!

Post # 14
Member
5247 posts
Bee Keeper

Ttrrhh:  Is this the hill you want die on? Is it a deal breaker for your marriage? If not, you need to let it go. Tell him how you feel in a non accusatory manner and make sure he knows that next year it needs to be different, there needs to be a compromise somehow. Then move on.

FWIW, I told my husband that I wanted NYE/NYD to be “our holiday.” He is a grinch at Christmas, so I was happy to go to my Mother’s and let him work. I even got NYD off for it, because normally I have to work every other Holiday. 

Also, this thread is 2 years old.

The topic ‘My husband would rather spend the New Year's Eve with his friends’ is closed to new replies.

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