My husbands best friend is making me feel uncomfortable. Advice?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@cathiemaney:  Would you guys be willing to look after the girls while they are away in future? If so I would offer when they return to take the girls when they next take a trip… I find it incredibly odd to leave children with a nanny for that long live in or not…

EDIT: I recognise that I might find it weird because I did not know anyone with a live in nanny growing up so perhaps I don’t understand the level of care offered…

Post # 4
7282 posts
Busy Beekeeper

My advice is stop trying to parent someone elses children. Nothing these parents are doing would be considered neglect. They are providing a safe environment (their house) and have left the kids with someone they trust (their nanny).

The are under no obligation to contact you and inform you of their lives. You are not their parents.

Sorry but you are being extremely judgemental of your friends. Not everyone has to raise their kids to your rules.

Post # 5
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You are not wrong for having opinions. But, in this case you need to keep your opinions to yourself. The parents obviously have faith in the caregivers they have hired to watch their children.  


If you are so concerned, I would siggest offering to keep their children either at your home or stay at theirs next time they leave. I wwouldn’t say something negative about their staff, but rather broach thenidea as an opportunity to spend more time with their kids. 


The fact they don’t inform you when they leave speaks volumes as to how they feel about their staff and the decision they have made to leave their chikdren in the staff’s care. Unless the parents are asking you to check on the kids, the house, or keep tabs on the nanny don’t worry about it. If it makes you feel better you can provide all parties- parents and nanny/staff your info on a magnet or business card in case of emergency. 


Post # 6
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015


@j_jaye:  +1

Parents are entitled to a break,4 days is a very short break in my opinion. At the end of the day,if the kids parents dont have concerns about break ins etc then im not overly sure why you are having this panic?

There is a nanny,a live in maid and a non live in maid to keep an eye on the kids and house,thats ample!

what i find odd though is this ”I really hope this is not something the couple keeps doing. They dont inform anyone, not even us”. What they do,where they go,what breaks they have,really is not your business. They are under NO obligation whatsoever to ”inform” you of anything!You are friends,not parents! 

The parents clearly dont find the nanny ‘difficult,possesive and stubborn’ and so thats all that really matters

Post # 7
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@j_jaye:  Yikes, she is only concerned for the children’s safety, I don’t think she mentioned anything of trying to raise anyone’s kids to anyone’s rules. Chill.

Post # 11
7282 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@ksus07:  No she is butting in where she shouldn’t been. How is the children’s safety compromised by leaving them in their own home and with a nanny? I mean the OP considers the home perfectly safe when the parents are around but since they are away is suddenly scared of a home invasion? The nanny is employed to look after the children. Do you really think the nanny is going to neglect the children and thus ruin her career and risk the possibility of criminal charges? Come on.

This is nothing more than a judgement post. The OP is judging her friends parenting choices. Sorry but unless the children are being abused she has no business trying to act like the parents. The OP’s fears are her own, the parents obviously do not share them so the OP needs to respect that.

Post # 12
7282 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@cathiemaney:  But it is their choice if they inform you. This time they have chosen not to? Maybe they can feel your judgement and have decided not to involve you in their holiday logistics anymore.

ANd there is a big difference between being an emergency contact and dropping in to snoop. If there is an emergency then I guess you will get a call but until that happens what occurs at their house is their business.

Post # 13
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@j_jaye:  Fair enough.

Post # 15
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I agree with PP’s that have said keep it to yourself.

You don’t need to trust the caregiver, only the parents of the children need to.

If you would like to watch the children instead, perhaps when they come back you can say something like, “I wish I would have known you were leaving, we would have loved to have {childrens names} stay at our place!”.

If you aren’t willing to watch the children, just leave it. They obviously found a caregiver they feel comfortable with and that’s no easy feat.

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