- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2009
Sorry in advance for the long post….
We are newlyweds, and at our wedding we had a wonderful time. One residual issue – my husband’s brother and SIL did not show up at our wedding even though they had sent in an RSVP “yes”.
For background, my now SIL is 7.5 months pregnant with twins (due in February) so I totally get that going to a wedding isn’t top priority for her. They live out in the suburbs, we were getting married in the city and I was surprised to get an RSVP “yes” since they have a track record of not coming to very many family events (baptisms, Easter, Christmas, etc). They have gone to other cousin’s weddings…
A couple weeks prior to the wedding, I get an email from the SIL saying they were not “100%” about coming – I wrote her back saying that I understood given her condition and to please let us know fairly soon so I can change headcount if necessary.
I told my FI, and he was not too happy so he called his brother and probably not very diplomatically said “I’ll be p’d if you don’t come to at least the ceremony”. Family drama ensued with the SIL saying that there was a “mass miscommunication” and insisted that I call her to talk live and to have my FI come over to their place so they can discuss the situation.
I spent over 45 min on the phone with her – she said that it was never a case that they “weren’t coming”…short of any medical difficulties, their plan was to come to the ceremony and cocktail hour but then go home and not stay for dinner. I was totally fine with it and when my FI went over to their apartment, he got the exact same story.
We both said to the SIL, just let us know if you can’t make it since we were planning on having family pictures taken and it was really important to my FI (now husband).
Fast forward to wedding – they no show…no text, no email, no notification whatsoever. They still have not contacted us to provide an explanation. I found out via FB, where another family member posted to the SIL’s wall asking where they were. The gist of it was “wasn’t feeling well, couldn’t make it”.
FI’s sister remains upset and called to see if either one of them would offer up any explanation – nothing, acted like nothing was wrong and didn’t even mention the wedding, just talk about the pregnancy.
So………my solicitation for advice is, how do I handle this in the future? We all are now family, with the birth of their twins imminent. I should note that we spent well over $1000 buying them two car seats, swing sleeping units, and other baby supplies when we first heard of the pregnancy – and no thank you card from them.
I told my FI that I don’t feel comfortable making small talk with them at any family event given that we weren’t even worth a text or e-card (we did not get a wedding card, or any acknowledgement of our marriage) and it doesn’t take a lot of effort to text “wife feels sick and can’t travel, can’t make it, sorry”. Especially all the support we have shown in their life event. I guess I feel very slighted and insulted by the treatment!
Thoughts on how to handle and deal with them in the future? Thanks in advance for listening to my rant!