(Closed) My In-laws and DH's best friend tear me down, and want to tear us apart. :(

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
6018 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t know I feel bad for DH.  I could understand being home for a wedding and no wanting to leave.  I’d probably would have told DH to suck it up and deal, we were staying.  I’m in the same sort of position your DH is.  I won’t be getting home to see my family.  I konw they miss me terribly and if all I did was bitch about my arguments with my DH to them, my dad and brother’s would proably already have moved me home. 

They miss him alot, and they don’t want to see him upset.  I think you need to suck it up and go home with him for Christmas, sometimes you have to deal with things that are unpleasant and not fun for your partner.  You aren’t going to make things any better by not going, and it  could give y’all more to bond over.

Post # 4
Member
5481 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ugh.  I’m sorry you’re going through this.  I thinik the number one, most important thing is that your husband is NOT standing up for you like he should be.  It isn’t YOUR responsibility to defend yourself to his family, HE should be doing that.

Honestly, it sucks that anyone has to defend anyone at all, but you two need to be on the same page, present a united front, and back each other up, no matter what.

Post # 5
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@missjetsetter:  Sorry, don’t want to be mean, but this is a husband problem… not a problem with his friends or family.  HE is solely responsible for taking up for you and your marriage.  And not being a wuss and sending a “firm” email.  That is something he needs to address immediately.  Frankly, I don’t have many expectations of my ILs or my husbands buddies.  But I do expect him to have my back when people make disparaging remarks about me or our relationship. 

Post # 6
Member
3849 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

Your husband really just needs to grow up and defend his wife.  He needs to get some balls about this whole thing really bad.

Post # 10
Member
11242 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsFuzzyFace:  Agreed.

Also, I’m surprised you sat and listened during those Skype calls. I would have been SCREAMING.

Post # 12
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Have a calm, polite discussion. Outline what it would take for you to go visit them. For example: “I will go to England if the email you sent receives recognition from the mom and sister, the relatives are no longer permitted to say nasty things without husband sticking up, and no future discussions between husband and ANYONE with relationship issues.” 

Then have a separate discussion about compromises on leaving parties. 

Be reasonable. You don’t need his family to change. You need him to change. 

Post # 13
Member
11287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

it sounds like things got blown out of proportion.  your dh needs to stand up for himself and you. 

there is one positive…at least they don’t live close.

Post # 14
Member
3431 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Poor thing! Sounds awful!!!  DH may have a hard time standing up to his family.   Sounds like his family is controlling and selfish! He may accept their rude ways but you my darling will not!! 

Support your husband, be a good wife and make it very clear to him you will not entertain any disrespect from his family.  Stand your ground girl!  if you need support call on me! You Remind me of myself ten years ago.:)

 

Post # 15
Member
2877 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

its hard. i can totally understand why you wouldnt watn to go, and wouldnt want to be anywhere near his family. i can also understand not feeling like your husband is sticking up for you

but i can understand him really wanting to go back for christmas. as someone who lives in a different country from my family, i would be devastated if my fi announced he didnt like my fmily and didnt want to go to london anymore (will no sign of any change in the future) he must be feeling torn apart

god. i dont think i have a solution. its so hard to change peoples opinions of you (i know you shouldnt have to, but itd be easier to get along)

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