Post # 1
I’ll start by saying that all day today I’ve had unusually bad cramps, the weather has been terrible, and my fellow just left for his stag night and I don’t have any close friends to invite over. So, I’m in an unsually bad mood.
But the wedding is officially less than two weeks away, and I’m terrified.
I’ve been terrified at the thought of a wedding since before we started planning – mostly at the thought of being the center of attention. I keep thinking about the event itself – especially the party and thinking “I wish I were going to someone else’s wedding.”
I will also mention that I’ve moved from the US to the UK, and can’t legally work until I am married and pay for another expensive visa… and I am not a person that often talks about regrets, but one of the things I keep getting caught up in was that we didn’t legally get married when I came over here because we thought our family would be offended – my mother was very upset at that idea. But money has been extrodinarilly tight and I haven’t been able to continue my hobbies or even go into town for coffee more than a handful of times, and I feel I would have much preferred three months of a normal life, than one big show.
And my family and my fiance’s friends are telling me how excited they are, and I’m realizing I’m the least excited person. The wedding planning itself hasn’t even been so stressful, the final month has just been a few odds and ends, though I am stressed about our families coming over for a week, and continously stressed about money. I’m not even sure why I am so terrified, as its not even a huge event, but I suppose I am worried that it won’t meet everyon’e expectations as in some respects we kept it very simple and non traditional(no aisle walk, no flowers, no specific color scheme, unusual venue…)
I’m just feeling overwhelmed and nervous and everything. Sigh…
Sorry for the rant, but thanks for reading!
Post # 3
Awww, honey, I’m sure things will start to look brighter soon!!!
Having been so lonely and cooped up is probably half of what is ailing you… and once your visa comes through, you can get a job, meet people and grab a cup of coffee. As for not wanting to be the center of attention… that’s kind of impossible when you’re the bride 😉 Maybe your FI can help keep people level-headed around you so you don’t feel too much put on the spot?
Post # 4
Sorry to hear about your bad day, I hope it gets better for you. I agree with @SnowflakeDS: I think being lonely and stressed has added to your anxiety and given you the feeling of being overwhelmed. Don’t stress too much about what you should have done in the past/when you first moved there, it won’t do anything to take away from the stress, only add to it.
Just keep thinking – in 2 weeks you will be married to the man you love, and things will get better (job, financial security, new friends). And yes, you might be the centre of attention at the wedding and everyone will be looking at you, but I can guarantee they will be thinking “WOW. Miss thecrackermarch looks amazing. Mr. thecrackermarch is one lucky cracker”!!!
2 weeks and your new (and amazing) life will start!
Post # 5
It sounds like you might have learned a lesson with regards to setting boundaries with family. It’s really important that you stick up for you and your family’s needs. You are starting a new family – you should have made the choice that would make you and your husband happier. Getting married sooner and getting that visa to be able to have financial stability and you to be able to get out more and feel like you have friends/a life is WAY more important to your NEW family than it is for your mom to not be disappointed that you are “already married” at the wedding. You are in a unique circumstance, so it requires a different strategy, which a lot of people just won’t understand (i’ve so been there). Keep that lesson with you for the future!!
Post # 6
Where in the UK did you move to? How long have you been there for?
I went from the UK to Canada and waited two years for my papers to come through. I know exactly where you are right now, money is tight and you don’t know too many people around you.
Honestly I can relate to what you are going through. Not just with having moved but with nerves surrounding the wedding too. FI and I are not having the wedding we want because of reasons that would take too long to go into here. My mother is paying for the wedding and she and I do not get along. Plus I hate being the center of attention LOL!
I can’t talk with my mother about the wedding without it being stressful and that really brings me down and means I don’t want to think about the wedding too much.
Fi and I have already decided that for our ten year anniversary we are going to have a destination renewal of vows service on a beach somewhere and do it our way.
This is unfortunately to appease and also accomodate certain circumstances. Try not to let this bring you down too much. The wedding it two weeks away. There is nothing you can do about that. And the stress that you are putting yourself under is not healthy.
Think of it this way, it is one day and then you and your FI will be together and be able to live you lives. All will be well I believe that.
PM me if you want to talk about anything.
Positive thoughts. This should be a happy day for you, and on the day I think it will be. There is just so much stress surrounding it right now, that is all you can see and think about when you hear wedding.
I feel the same sometimes but I know on the day its going to be awesome.
Again all will be well.
Post # 7
Mainly commenting so you know someone else is listening and validating your feelings. No matter what is going on today, it will be different… maybe tomorrow, maybe later.
I don’t have the exact experience that you’re going through. But am battling stressful feelings that are situational. The surest way to become overwhelmed and unsatisfied is to try to please everyone else or exhaust yourself with worry.
Persevere… While you have real obstacles to overcome, some things are just feelings (which are normal and very important, but still are just feelings.)
My best advice is to take good physical care of yourself right now… rest and eat well. Let yourself be in a bad mood!!!!! It’s OK! It is SO very very OK! Brides are human too… Everyone else is excited because they haven’t been working as hard as you have… Especially now that most all the plans and arrangements are done you don’t have them to distract you from the normal natural emotions that you’re feeling.
Venting is a very healthy action… good for you! Breathe and know that this too will pass.
Post # 8
I’m sorry that you’re going through these emotions. I find myself thinking so much about the wedding as it approaches and what really grounds me, and I hope it works for you too is after the wedding you’re married. You’re married to an amazing person! Once everything dies down, all the excitement you have the rest of your lives to enjoy as husband and wife.
Try not to worry about whether the wedding will meet other people’s expectations. It’s a reflection of you two as a couple and your wants and wishes. The biggest regret I hear from newly weds is doing a wedding the way other people wanted it.
It will get better. It always does.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone! Tonight did improve a bit as right after I finished writing this, I was somehow whisked away to an indoor picnic with my future sister in law – I thought she had work tonight, so it was a nice surprise!
By the way, I’m not sure how to link up the @so and so’s – so this will be a collection
The lonliness is definitely getting to me, its been about 9 months of excessive alone time.
And yes, setting boundaries with family is important, but I think my fiance was a bit torn too because I think he was a little more interested in a traditional wedding to start with, so he left room for me to say I wanted to get married earlier but I didn’t want to be the person that spoiled all the fun, so I decided to go for the “actually getting married at the wedding” option.
I have moved to Edinburgh, UK. I was here August – December, and then March-present.
Thank you everyone for such kind words. Its so nice to be able to talk to this community about these things, when it can be difficult to find the right people in everyday life.