(Closed) My Invisible Sister and Her Effect on Our Family….

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m sorry. No advice or words of wisdom, just a big hug 🙂

 

Post # 4
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Ugh I guess I have the other half, I have the invisible brother.  It used to bother me as much as it sounds like it’s bothering you. Awhile back I decided that even though it made me sad, I was done having the one sided relationship. I also decided that my parents needed to deal with it on their own and that I was a great daughter and I shouldn’t feel guilty about his actions.  I know how tough this can be, I hope you can eventually make peace with it.

Post # 5
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m really sorry you have to go through this.  All I can say is that today “children” are taking longer to transition into functioning adulthood.  It’s part of the “failure to launch” epedimic.  Personally, I know I was a different person when I was 21 and it took me many years to find myself and become who I am today.  You said your sister is a good person deep down and I’m sure that person can emerge.   If it were me, I would try to support her, offer her advice, and let her know that you expect more of her.  I hope she comes around.

Post # 6
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

If she isn’t ready to change, more than likely she wont.  The only piece of advice I can offer to help keep your sanity is to Expect Nothing From Her

If you lower your expectations and come to terms with how she is, then at least you won’t continually be disappointed.  When/If she does follow through on something then you’ll be excited about it.

I know its not a solution to any problem, but maybe just a way to help get you through. 

Post # 8
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

Well, she’s living her life. She’s an adult, she’s allowed to. My advice is to live and let live, be there for your parents like you would normally be, let your sis know your there if she needs you, and move on with your life.

 

Post # 9
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant

I’m sorry that you have to deal with the frustration of an invisible sister.  I think the main thing is to not feel responsible for her actions…she technically is an adult, though she isn’t acting like one.  It sounds like you’re doing a great job at keeping the door open for her when she does decide she might need help in the future.  I really think that’s all you can do and hope for the best.

It sounds like you’re a wonderful daughter and sister…your family is lucky to have you!

Post # 10
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m sorry you are dealing with this type of situation. Just a big (((hug))) for you

Post # 11
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

21 is a tough age. people tend to get lost around that age…its like a crossroads in your life where you just dont know which way to go, you are grown up but dont quite think like an adult yet. I hope she comes around….Family is the most important thing in life (in my opinion) when no one else is there (inlcuding less than awesome boyfriend) family will be.i dont have much advice except try and be there as you have been, r because hopefully one day she will turn to you and say Sis! help…my life is going nowhere.

Post # 13
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m so sorry you all have to deal w/ this (((hugs)))

I know it’s not easy, we have one in our family too…my uncle. He is a hard core alcoholic & druggie. He’s almost in his 60’s and yet has no house, no job, lives on the streets in his truck that has no windows, tailgate, etc. He’s stolen, from every member of our family, thousands of dollars worth of jewlery, ipods, alcohol, money…and the list goes on. He cannot be counted on for anything. I just knew, in my heart of hearts, that he was going to be there on my wedding day. I grew up very close to him and through conversation with him it seemed my wedding day was a huge deal to him. He didn’t show up until 8 hours later, at the after party, already drunk off his ass, cussed everyone out and took off to another uncle’s house. He hasn’t been a contributing member in our family for years.

Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can say or do to make your sister change. No matter how bad you all want her there, to do better for herself, to dump the loser, get a job…she has to want it herself. The best you can do is continue being there for her, knowing you’ve done the best you can do. It’s an extremely hard situation for your parents as well because no matter what that’s their child, they will always want to be there for their child. You parents have to decide when enough is enough and if they will ever get to the point of putting their foot down.  And like a PP said, expect nothing because all you will ever be is disappointed.

Post # 14
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

@izziebear: No, I really don’t know. I have a shitty brother and sister, I have to call them every year to remind them to call our dad for his birthday, they’re 33 and 38ish and still just royal F ups. My brother actually currently doesn’t have a phone. They aren’t married, they both have kids that I thank God for their awesome other parent. They do drugs, not just marijuana. I’m pretty sure my sister sells herself, but that’s neither here nor there. It is still not my responsibility to make them be better people, or to make it up to my dad. I’m sure it hurts my dad, and sometimes, when certain things happen, (like when my sister had my brother walk her down the aisle instead of my dad, but invited my dad to be there anyway, which of course he went because my dad is an awesome father) I do get pissed. And I voice my disappointment to her, and then I move on. It is not healthy to carry that around. And my parents are adults as well, they don’t need me to baby them and would never expect me to try to make up for my siblings constant failures. So believe me when I say I do understand your situation, at least as how it pertains to my own, I just don’t understand why you would give yourself the impossible challenge of being more than just yourself to your parents. As a mother, it would hurt me more to think that one of my girls was punishing herself for the actions of her sister, than the actions of her sister alone.

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