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It sounds to me like the thing to do is to talk to your dad and tell him what you've told us. It sounds like his opinion matters to you so taking the steamrolling approach is probably not going to make anybody happy here. Talk it out and you can decide together.
what she said.
and be sure to know why he feels the way he does. why it took him so long to answer. he could be insecure about your relationship because you want to share this and maybe he's always considered it his job. he may not have seen this coming.
just reassure him that you love him very much. and maybe you could do what a lot of girls are doing - each walk you halfway. same for the dance, let your stepdad begin the dance and your father cut-in (or vice versa)
good luck.
Maybe your stepdad can walk you down the first half of the aisle, and your dad can walk you down the rest of the aisle and be the one to give you away...
I was just thinking about something similar to FutureMrsRose's idea...what if your dad started you down the aisle alone (just like how when you were born, you only had him), then your stepdad joins you about halfway down (like he did in your life)? That way you can still honor both of them, plus you'll be able to get those 'good' father/daughter pictures you mentioned.
As for the first dance, we didn't have any stepparents to worry about but we still didn't want to subject our guests to two loooong parent dances (father/daughter and mother/son), so my dad and I started out the song, then Mr B and his mom jumped in partway through. I think that worked well.
Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure both your dad and stepdad will understand! And how lucky you are to have two such special men in your life :-)
I would suggest doing away w/ the parent dances...we didn't do them, partly b/c none of us, including parents, wanted to be stared at while dancing by ourselves on the floor. (We did have a bride & groom first dance, tho'.) That's not to say we didn't have some very special moments dancing with our parents. They just weren't part of the "program" with everyone watching. You can tell your photographer that's what you plan, and just let him/her know when you're gonna dance so you can still get the special photos.
Why not have your step-dad walk you halfway down the aisle then hand you off to your bio dad for the last half of the aisle walk?
And I've seen weddings where there were lots of parent-child dances. At one friend's wedding, after the bride-father dance, the bride let her sister (who had eloped two years earlier) have the father-daughter dance that she hadn't had the chance to have. It was sweet. I think if everyone knows you and how you feel about your fathers, they'll appreciate it and they won't mind the two dances.
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Okay, in light of everyone else posting theirs here's mine.
My step dad came into my life at 8, and has always been there for me - in my eyes I see him as the same as my bio dad.
Well out of respect for my father I asked him if he woulnd't mind sharing the walk down with my SD - because really, no one including myself thought he would ever say no....
Well he didn't, but he was hesitant and I told him to think on it and give me an answer in about a week or so. The weeks is well up and I am scared to ask.
Part of me doens't want to subject my guests to 2 father daughter dances, and thinks the photo down the isle with one dad will look better then 2, but really it doens't seem right.
I know I tell eveyone to use the "Tough it's my day and I'll do what I want" bit - but I'm finding it hard on this one, where I've actaully been able to say it tough before. Plus I've already given him the power to decide...
I already knew that even if they both walked me down my dad would lift my veil and give me away.....
so here's the Q's
1) DO I go with what he says, or over ride it in the end?
2) If the step dad doesn't get to walk me down and give me away - how else can I make him a part of the ceremony and the "giving away" process.
Amber