My job is pretty much ruining the entire rest of my personal life

posted 2 years ago in Career
Post # 2
5079 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

Did this one time, worst decision I ever made, and will regret forever: leaving a decent-paying job without having another one lined up first.

Did this four times over 20 years, never once regretted it: looking for a better job first, finding a better job, then leaving current job for the new job.

So my advice is, look for a new job but don’t quit the current one until a new is lined up.

Post # 3
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I agree with PP – devote at least 1 hour a night to looking for alternative employment. Once you have something lined up, THEN move forward with leaving this current job and put in your notice.

This job sounds horrid. Their management policies would make me tempted to run for the hills! You should definitely leave, but take care of you and your future first. 

I would also start making plans for transitioning your position to whoever comes on after you. Someone someday will be very thankful to you for laying out what needs to be done – your early experience is telling (they trained you for things that werent related to your job, then basically left you high and dry), and I think that if you want to do right by your current company, you should try your best to make it as smooth as possible for their next employee.

Post # 4
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My husband was a GM of a restaurant and worked insane hours. Never had a day off unless they were closed bc employees were calling/texting all hours of the day and night. Honestly, it really doesn’t get better, and my husband only stayed bc he knew it would lead him to other opportunities in the company. If you are this unhappy, then there is nothing wrong with quitting. Restaurant management has a high turnover rate, and it is to be expected. Just ensure that you give ample notice and train someone to replace you to avoid screwing the company.  

Post # 5
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Stanley House Inn
  • lalalyanne, I’m going to throw this out there. I am in a similar situation. I work normal hours, but my job has taken over my entire life. My happy little life that I can’t (won’t?) appreciate because of how horrid I feel the situation is.

It sounds like you are motivated and willing to learn – and also highly dedicated. I’ve been at a company where it seems like no one cares either, and I’ve been doing this for years. It feels almost soul-crushing. It impacts your health, your mental well-being, and your relationships. Beyond the time, and the stress, and that it seeps into your everyday life outside of work – it impacts your relationships because people you care about know you’re miserable and want you to desparately find new employment.

My loyalty has kept me in place. I want to quit, every day, but my husband so kindly reminds me that I have bills to pay, and we can’t do all of the things we love because we need my income for that.

See if you can take a few days off – I know that work will still call, will still seep into your life outside, and will hinder your enjoyment of a break – but you need to try. You need to look at it this way – if this were a boyfriend who treated you this way, you would leave. If your parents did this to you, you would get out. If your friends were in this situation, you would tell them to run for the hills (and to find a new job first, because responsibility).


The good news? You have acquired some excellent skills – here are my assumptions for things that would look great on a resume: you manage a team, you manage multiple locations, you do inventory and nightly drawer close-outs, you improve processes (woohoo, initiative and efficiency!), you analyze and make recommendations based on observations to increase profit (just because it isn’t taken, doesn’t mean it isn’t good). These are skills that are actually harder to find. These skills make awesome project managers, executive assistants, restaurant managers, and potentially consultants down the line.


If you want to stay in the food biz – look into programs with management training (Jimmy Johns apparently has a FANTASTIC training program!!) If you don’t – step into something else. You could be an Administrative Assistant – build up the clerical skills and move into an EA role – EAs not only do admin work, but they represent their executives. They make decisions based on their Exec’s needs and how they would operate. Project management is harder – but you could get your CAPM certification and try to move on from there.


Look at the things you like about your job and find that somewhere else 🙂

Post # 6
716 posts
Busy bee

Wow, sorry you’re feeling so overwhelmed.  I have a few thoughts.

First, on the practical side, I think you need to be a bit realistic.  Work is work, it’s not always fun and it does take a lot out of us, but, nevertheless, we have to work.

Second, on the reflective side, it’s ok for you not to want a job with hours that are all over the map and it sounds like you learned a valuable lesson about what to look out for in your next job.

Third, I’m reading between the lines to try to diagnose your business issue, because this kind of stuff is interesting to me.  Are you perhaps just open too many hours and open certain hours when you should be closed? 

Post # 7
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

lalalyanne:  First of all, you are not alone! I am 4 years older than you and STILL have NO IDEA what I want to “be when I grow up.” I went to a community college for awhile after high school because it was what everyone else in my life suggested. And although I loved high school and learning, I HATED college. HATED IT!!!

I did the retail thing for a while, then worked at some call centers, etc, then got a “real” office job. I was there for a long time but there was no where to move up and the salary was pitiful. So I made a move. Thus began a THREE YEAR journey of hell. I worked at a doctor’s office for 2 weeks, where I wasn’t trained and the staff made fun of their psychiatric patients. I worked at a very prominent university for 3 months as a receiptionist when all of a sudden they decided to throw me into the CEO’s Executive Assistant position, and then fired me after 3 weeks when I couldn’t handle the job (which I told them I was not qualified for and didn’t want in the first place). I worked at an HVAC job for a year which had an environment similar to the one you’re describing in your current position – no one cared. And I was the one who had to handle the angry customers. I worked at an appraisal/mortgage/title company for a year and even though I worked my ASS off and had high review scores that earned me $300-$400 of bonus money every month, they fired me because they said I wasn’t performing well enough.

And all this time, I’ve thought about how I want to write novels, groom dogs, be a teacher, a social worker, run away with the circus…… AUGH!

Throughout all of this, I was planning my wedding and buying a house. So I was a nightmare to be around and, like you, my health suffered, my hobbies got pushed under the rug, and I was a straight out be-yotch to my friends and family. I hated myself. I actually had to start counseling and go on anti-depressants because of all the job drama.

But about 6 months ago I FINALLY FINALLY found a job I REALLY like. It’s another office job, dealing with salvaged/donated vehicles and auctioning them off, but the envrionment is totally positive and fun and I am learning so much. I love the people I work with and the office is really close to home so I have more personal time for myself and with my friends and family.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that, unfortunately, you just have to keep looking. Constantly keep your options open as far as work goes. Browse job sites, the newspaper, etc. for any new opportunities. Think out of the box. But try not to obsess over it – if you spend every waking hour searching for jobs you’ll drive yourself insane. Just try to breathe. I know it’s hard, especially because (obviously) you have to make money to live.

Just do what you have to do now to pay your bills (I hate that saying) and eventually something will come along that doesn’t make you want to strangle people. I promise!

Also, don’t compare yourself or your job to others. For ages, I had to listen to people talk about their fabulous careers and their massive salaries and look at me and say, “Go get an education. DO something with your life.” Someone I used to be friends with actually said to me, “Don’t you want to be more than someone’s receptionist?” 

At first I was offended by her question, but then after I thought about it, I realized … hmmm, maybe my answer to that is no. If I can make a living and be happy being a receptionist (or office worker), why the hell would I not do that???

I have a full life outside of work – I have a husband, a dog, a family, hobbies, hopes to be a published writer….I try to travel a lot and want to start volunteering at some point. 

So my life does not (and never will) revolve around work. And that’s okay by me.

((( hugs )))

Post # 8
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

lalalyanne:  You chose a managerial position. Congratulations.

Post # 9
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

lalalyanne:  sorry, also wanted to say that when you find yourself at work and you’re having one of those moments when you’re reay to scream and run away, close your eyes, take a deep breathe, and think “This is only temporary. I will move on to bigger and better things. This is not my entire life.” 

Or something along those lines. I think my mom was the one who suggested I think of the crappy jobs in a temporary manner. That way I could force myself to realize that no matter how bad things seemed, one day I would leave that place forever and the mere fact that I wanted to improve myself and my job gave me something to look forward to.

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