- 2 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
I just seem to have the hardest time with these things. Backstory:
I graduated high school in 2007 and wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I worked several different retail jobs and then got a steady one and was there for 3+ years. In the summer of 2012 I decided to to an online accounting diploma and after 3 courses I decided that wasn’t for me. I worked a few part time jobs but mostly I tried to figure out what I want. In the spring of 2013 I decided that I wanted to go back to school again, this time on campus. I took a support worker certificate, nailed it. Got straight a’s, got a job at the beginning of the second semester and by the time I graduated, I realized that this was definitely not what I wanted either.
So then, early June of this year, I landed a job as a supervisor of a sports arena food service company. I run two concessions, and a lounge, plus we do catering events in the lounge and at another location.
Not to mention, I am a total frickin newb. So when I interviewed for the position, I straight up told my boss I had no experience. I didn’t even personally apply. I had an ad on kijiji because I was kind of looking for a job and the lady who I replaced emailed me and told me about it and asked me if I was interested in learning how to do the job. So I went in totally blind, all in.
While I was “being trained” it was the dead 2 months of the summer and basically nothing was happening. I received no formal training in the way of safety or procedures etc and so forth. The lady training mostly taught me how to waitress and do everything our employees do plus make a schedule and then she left. I have a coworker but he does a different spectrum of management stuff. He supervises shifts as well but otherwise doesn’t really get his hands dirty with any of my stuff.
And then the season of business begins. And so of course, the shit hits the fan. Our employees aren’t trained properly, I’m not trained properly and it’s showing in our service and product. I recognize that I am technically the one responsible for this and so I feel like I need to do something. I don’t want my name on this disaster, I want to fix it.
There in lies the obstacles. The first one being that I dont really know how to fix it. Cue the countless hours of googling and reading and designing menu manuals and procedures and training manuals so that I can somehow stay afloat.
Another obstacle is that NO ONE ELSE CARES. I try to bring up solutions and ideas and my coworker and boss are just so apathetic about it. “You have more to worry about” “you don’t have time” “you can’t drive them too hard, they’re just kids”
And of course, on the flip side, even though we can’t afford the labour cost to justify these kinds of man hours to do all this, without it we’re falling on our face. And my boss cares about THAT. So I get to hear all the complaints about my labour cost and service and problems. But when I come up with solutions, there’s no willingness to act on them.
I live, eat, sleep and dream my job. Every single day. All the time. Even on my days off. Even when I go home. There’s always something. Texts from employees, something to worry about ways to fix because it should have been done yesterday, something to dream up because I just don’t have the time for it at work.
At first, I liked the challenge. I love to be busy, do something different all the time. I still even like my job. But I miss my life. I miss being able to cook at home. I want to wake up in the morning and think of something, anything, other than work.
My relationships with all of the people I love are suffering. I barely see the man I’m going to marry in less than 8 months and when I do see him, I’m crabby and stressed and I imagine not a whole lot of fun. I have little nieces that I barely see and it hurts my heart.
When I was interviewing for the job, there was a whole spiel about having to work holidays and some weekends and evenings and that it could sometimes be challenging. But I literally work like, the most convoluted and weird hours. And they get switched on me at the last second, like thanksgiving. I workdays, evenings, splits and even when I’m not getting paid. For the first four months, it wasn’t like this. There was way less going on. I got some weekends off all summer. I never worked in the middle of the night. I didn’t go home and think about all the other things I have to do because I didn’t have time while I flipped hot dogs because if I don’t, my labour cost goes through the roof because it’s not a super busy venue and we’re locked into set hours that kill our bottom line because meal times don’t compensate for the other 8 hours of insufficient sales.
Its an endless cycle of worry and work. I’m trying to hard to succeed at this that I’m failing at the entire rest of my life. Its not healthy.
I want to quit. I need to quit even. But I don’t know how. I just, there’s a part of me that really doesn’t want to go, and I don’t know how to go about doing any of this. I don’t know what to say, I dont know what todo after. I have to go in for a meeting before a shift this afternoon and part of me wants everything to have gone so bad (theyve been losing money since they took over almost two years ago) that we just drop out of it and I have a reason to quit. We have other venues and I would probably stay employed but the hours wouldn’t even be sort of sufficient for it to be worth it.
I feel like a coward because I want the easy out. Because I have no idea how to deal with this situation I’ve gotten myself into. I wanted so badly to succeed at this but I’m realizing that doing it at the expense of my own personal life is unfair to me and other people. I feel like if I quit, I’m failing my whole mission. But I think it’s what I have to do. Something in me is telling me that I need to deal with this now. It’s not a realistic job. How are we supposed to raise a family like this? I can’t even take care of my own emotions because I’m too busy thinking about work. Dealing with work. Or working.
It’s not going to get better so it’s not like I can just ride it out. It’s a never ending cycle. The food industry is always going to be about breaking your back to meet financial goals, especially in this sort of application, where your sales are mostly entirely out of your control. You can put out perfect product and service all you want. If attendance or moral are down, so are sales. The business will always be a struggle to make a profit.
I feel a little foolish for getting into this. I guess I thought I would get the education and have the resources I need to do my job without quite this much extra from me. I don’t mind pulling my weight but this is absurd. Don’t get me wrong, I have learned so much and I’m super grateful for every bit of It. But it’s not enough. The place didn’t come to me in a functioning state and as much as I think it would be possible to turn it around, I don’t think I want that to be my whole entire life. I can’t neglect my family for something that isn’t even mine.
I feel like it’s entirely my responsibility to deal with it but realistically, my parent company is a multi national, billion dollar business. My boss has like 6 bosses. Possibly more, but I don’t know them. I’m am just a tiny guy at the bottom who got handed a poorly managed facility and for some reason can’t get the support or time paid to deal with it without giving them my whole life.
This is a serious lesson for me about taking care of myself first sometimes. I’m terrified to go to work today. I don’t know what the meeting is about, I don’t know what I should say, I don’t know what I should do.
I just needed to get this all off my chest (taking my work home again..) I would take any advice, or criticisms, or whatever. Anything might help me sort this out, one way or another.