My little brother is shutting us out… and marrying the wrong girl

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
809 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m so sorry you’re going through this! it really does sound like a cult, with the debt piling up and isolation. my DH’s friend got sucked away like this, only it wasn’t a religious-cult, it was a pyramid-scheme-cult. he used to be such a happy NORMAL lad, but then his new gf turned him into some weird zombie whose only motivation to interact with us was to turn us on to the scheme too. sigh.

I hope he smartens up! DH’s friend has been lost for a year now, luckily not married or even close. cults are terrible. I actually did go to one of their meetings since he invited us, under guise of a “business talk” (lol…). it was like some sort of show, everyone was given glowsticks and people kept giving speeches about how awesome the business was. the WORST was that they kept repeating, “don’t listen to your friends or family, who might not like you doing this. they will keep you from success, you just have to tune them out. we are your new family” etc ugggh shiver!!!! legitimate business/non-cult religions would NEVER try to isolate you.

Post # 4
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@ladyartichoke:  

Your brother is an adult. It his choice to be with this girl, if it’s a mistake, it is his mistake to make.

I can assure you however, if you raise your concerns with your brother, he will shun you even more. She will use your words to her advantage.

The only way you’re going to get a positive in this is if you and your family support your brother 100%. If you stand by him, he will know he can count on your for support. If he loves her, he will choose her over you. I’m sorry but it’s the truth.

 

Post # 5
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@ladyartichoke:  How does your family act around her? Is there anything you can do to make her like you guys more?

It sounds like you’re stuck with her and the best way to deal with it is be as supportive as possible. If/when it falls apart you have supported him and he will come to you for help. 

Post # 8
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@ladyartichoke:  🙁 You poor thing. But he’s an adult, and if you tell him that she’s wrong for him he’s just going to believe whatever she tells him about your family. 

One of my male friends had a girlfriend like this, they’re getting married middle of next year…the only thing I can do it be supportive and wait for it to fall apart. It sounds awful but it’s the best thing to do in a sucky situation. 

Post # 9
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@ladyartichoke:  >>>She is outrageously judgemental of people she doesn’t know – I found this offensive as someone I’ve known most of my life was being slated by someone I’d only met that day<<<

She’s not the only one. Your brother is a big boy. Let him live his life. He doesn’t need his family’s approval.

Post # 10
Member
11002 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m sure this situation has been quite painful for you and your family, and I’m sorry you are all feeling the loss of this relationship. Although, if your brother really is going to marry this young lady, it would be his responsibility to choose his wife over his family of origin if there is a conflict between the two, that doesn’t necessarily mean that this relationship that he has chosen is good or healthy for him.

 

I would like to have a better understanding of this young woman’s specific faith before I comment further on that part of what you’ve written. Do you know the type or denomination of her church or group?

 

Post # 11
Member
7285 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

He sleeps with her, he loves her, he’s isnt going to listen to you. When/If he’s ready to leave, he will do so on his own time. 

Post # 12
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Think about it this way

How would you feel/react if your family did this to you? If your family hated your partner that you loved?

Even if you haven’t said anything verbally I can almost guarntee that you and your families body language has conveyed your true feelings and she and your brother have probably picked up on this.

As long as your brother is happy then you should be happy for him. If it turns out to be an abusive relationship then be there to help him leave and start over.

 

Post # 13
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I was kind of with you until you said “My mum feels her son is being stolen away.”

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