Post # 1
Hi Everyone! My name is Christina I am 22 years old and I got engaged two months ago and recently my youngest sister who is only 18 got engaged as well, I was only engaged for a month in a half when I found out that my sister got engaged. It was hard to hear this becuase I really wanted my engaged to be focused on me and my wedding and the past two weeks she has been engaged my families focus is on her now and her wedding. I have three sisters and she is the baby of the family and so she is use to always getting her way. I am extremly hurt by her actions and am having a hard time dealling with this. To put the cherry on top of all this she has decided to have her wedding a month and a half before mine. I am getting married July 20th and she set her date as June 20th, when she first got engaged I found and that she wanted to get married before me and it was very upsetting to me so I comfronted her and told her that what she is doing is hurting my feelings and she said that she will not have her wedding after mine in August because she wants the whole summer for her and her fiance so the can get use to being married, at first I was trying to make it so we both can meet in the middle so I asked her to have her wedding date in April during spring break and she said that was too early and not enough time to plan her wedding, oh and also in the begginging of all this she told me she thought that weddings were petty and that she was going to have a small backyard wedding, I later found out that her idea of a small wedding is 100 people, I am only having 150 at my wedding so thinking that her wedding was going to be small I thought she was going to have less then 50 at least. So I did not mind her having her wedding before mine but she is having a big wedding. So then I agreed that having her wedding at the end of May was the closes I wanted her wedding to be to mine, which was when she gets out of school, May 23 but she did not like that date becuase it was too close to school and then she looked into getting married June 1st but her MOH her best friend was going to be out of town so she said she cant have it that day, so the final date she set is June 9. I am very upset that she wont at least meet me half way, also I know that if the roles were reversed I would never do this to her. My parents think that having two daughters getting married during the same time is joyous but what they are not seeing is that this is hurting me and they are just letting my little sister do whatever she wants. Also I have been with my fiance for four years now and have been waiting patiently for him to be ready financial to support the both of us, and my sister has been with her fiance for only a year and a half, she is only 18 and I do not understand WHY she cant wait. I would change my date to be next summer but I am too far into my planning to change it. I do not know what to do, it is hurting so much and I am trying to concentrate on my wedding and my wedding plans but it is hard when she lives right accross the hall from me and is planning hers. WHY cant she wait?!!
Post # 3
@TinaLynn: She set her date to June 9***
Post # 4
@TinaLynn: You have every right to be upset. I have known many siblings who wanted to get engaged but waited until after their sibling got married, which is very honorable, of course it is never a “sure thing” but in my opinion, it is the right thing to do (if not engaged, than atleast wait to get married!).
If I were in your position, I would bullet point a list of all the reasons you are hurt, and have a meeting with your sister and your parents. Let them know how you feel without getting angry or mad, just express your disappointment to them and see what they have to say. That is really the best advice I can offer. Goodluck!
Post # 5
Crappy. That wasn’t very cool of her!
Post # 6
@TinaLynn: Her timing blows. She tried to compromise with you and meet you half way, but she has her own agenda and schedule to contend with, too. Plus, your parents seem pleased that you are both marrying in the same time frame.
You have a choice: Continue to hit your head against the wall on this and feed the competition of who goes first and who has what…
or let it go, be happy for your sister, be happy for you, and continue planning.
What will you choose?
Either way, get your save-the-dates and invitations in the mail a.s.a.p. 😉
Post # 7
I really wanted my engaged to be focused on me and my wedding
you cant expect yourself and only you to be everyones focus – people have their own lives and you were already engaged 2 months before she announced hers.
she can have whatever size wedding she wants and there is 6 weeks between the two ceremonies so plenty of time for both of you to feel special
Post # 8
As a bride you have ONE day. Your sister can get married whenever she likes you can’t dictate that to her. She has already been fair and she has pushed her wedding as far back as she can for you.
See this as a positive, there is going to be drama surrounding her wedding (like most weddings) and you can learn from this and prevent these pit falls for your own.
I waited 6 and half years for my man to propose, two very close friends of ours got engaged over the following three months and BOTH are getting married before us and BOTH couples have been dating for a much shorter period of time. Our wedding is in June 23, one friend is getting married end of April and the other TWO WEEKS BEFORE our day. I am nothing but thrilled for them both.
6 weeks is plenty of a buffer zone for you to feel special, it could be worse, you could be in my position were it’s only two weeks and half of the guests from both weddings are coming to ours. Oh and our Bridal showers and hens night are all right after each other.
Be happy for your sisiter and focus on your wedding!!
Post # 9
I do not understand why you’re hurt by this? I think you’re taking it way too far. She pushed her date back for you, and I don’t see why the number of her guest list matters to you in the slightest. Let her have her special day, and you can have yours…
Post # 10
I understand where you are coming from. Sure PP on here will tell you that you get ONE day and that you cant tell her what to do, but perhaps they fully dont understand because they arent in your shoes or cant imagine feeling how you feel.
Having her engagement close to yours isnt what the big deal is (2 months is a decent time)… its the wedding. She will get everything first..the bridal shower first, the bachelorette first, and the wedding. Its going to feel second hand for you.. also half your guests will be at her wedidng first adding financial stress on them (out of town travels or even just buying a gift)
If there is nothing you can do im sorry to hear. Hugs.
Post # 11
As soon as you allow her wedding to feel like a competiton to yours, it will become one.
However, the truth is that it isn’t a competition. You each have your day, not a week/month/year.
Embrace it for what it is and use it as a way to become closer with your sister as you plan your weddings together.
Post # 12
@Dell79: Thanks that is a good idea, I will try and do that. : )
Post # 13
@Cornflakegirl: I am happy for my sister but it is hard when we share the same family, I am trying to concentrate on my wedding but she lives across the hall from me and is planning her wedding and my family is concentrating on her wedding now.
Post # 14
I understand a bit of where you are coming from. Right after my engagement my sister met the man of her dreams. They haven’t even known each other as long as I’ve had this pretty ring on my finger and she is getting married 6 months before me. The big difference though, is that I have had time to really appreciate the situation.
She is happy and in love and can’t wait to be married, just like me. It makes the time even more awesome because I have my sister to giggle with about silly wedding stuff. We even found our dresses during the same appointment. It sucks financially for my parents, but I think that is the only negative of the entire situation. She doesn’t have much time to plan so she is rushing and having to make cuts, whereas my parents just put the amount of money they promised in my bank account and I get to decide where it goes.
Try to embrace this time before your wedding. Don’t get too caught up in who is paying attention or what she is doing and focus on making your day what you want it. Watch her go through her planning process and learn from her mistakes. This really could turn out to be ideal for you.
Post # 15
@TinaLynn: I can understand that being tough, I’m really not seeing the other two brides plan their weddings so it’s easier to forget about there day and focus on mine.
Mmmm, how to handle this….. maybe have a talk with your parents and you can set a schedule so to speak, say one weekend discuss your sisters wedding and the following weekend focus on yours and so on. Talking to them will help.
Post # 16
@80sbee: Thanks you completley get the point, it is not that I am not happy for her, I am very happy for her. The problem is that she is my sister and is getting married only a month and halfe before mine when I set my date first, Financial it is going to be hard on our guest and since my weding is going to be after hers I cant help to feel like im going to get second best, and we have alot of the same guest and out of town guest. Hers is first so if people go to hers and then later realize financial they cant afford another trip then some guest wont come to mine.