Post # 1
I just joined and this is my second post. I have been undergoing A LOT of stress by far in terms of my wedding planning so I need some advice to guide me.
I asked one of my best friends to be my Maid/Matron of Honor early on even though people told me to wait to ask. I was friends with her for over 10 years so I found it appropriate to ask her. She has a relationship now and I know she is busy with school as well. But she never contacts me! I have been engaged since June and she only been out with me once to check out colors and flowers. She shows little to no passion for her best friend getting married and I am frusterated. I gave her two months notice for a bridal show I wanted her to attend with me and she decided not to go the day it arrived. People advise me to call it quits with her and find someone else. But, the thing is, we’ve been friends so long! I am afraid that if I say something and “demote” her to bridesmaid, she will be greatly offended and our 10 year friendship will be sacrificed.
She is a wonderful girl and I know she would do a good job if she tried a little harder. But it feels like she genuinly doesn’t want to.
How would you suggest I approach this? Whats fair?
Post # 3
I would just have an honest heart to heart with her. Maybe she doesn’t know your expectations. I think every bride has different expectations for their Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs. I, for example, basically just expect them to be there for me on the day of my wedding, and be there for support when I’m super stressed about wedding planning lol.
Post # 4
I suggest you let it go and come to terms with the fact that your Maid/Matron of Honor has a life outside of your wedding. She is your friend, not a worker with a ‘job.’
Post # 5
I think her not coming to the show, on barely a day’s notice, is kind of lame of her to be honest. If it had been a good reason, sure. But, I personally think you should have a talk with her one on one. Not a snarky/rude conversation, but just kind of like, “Hey, so I know you told me you wanted to be in the wedding, but I just wanted to make sure you’re up for it, since you seem pretty busy. Totally fine if you want to change your mind, and no hard feelings.” Best way I can think of as to how to ease your mind. Bridesmaids are not slaves, but you gotta have someone who is willing and able to help you out. Sounds like you’ve been pretty reasonable, giving her advance notice, etc. So, at this point I would talk.
Best wishes! 🙂
Post # 6
My Maid/Matron of Honor did the pretty much the same thing and I talked to her and demoted her and she didn’t really mind. Though I did SEVERAL showers for her and running around with her, she doesn’t care to do the same for someone else. And that’s fine as long as you know in advance and can find someone who will.
Post # 7
Different people have varying levels of interest in weddings. Perhaps your Maid/Matron of Honor just isn’t interested right now. Its surely nothing against you. If you need help with flowers or colors, why not ask your fiance? No one will prioritize your wedding the same way you will.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
She’s a student? You can’t expect her to devote herself your wedding with such a huge time commitment. As many in the wedding world say, no one else thinks your wedding is as important as you do. Put things in perspective.
She’s your friend and she’s going to support you. She might not have time to juggle school, her relationship, whatever other responsibilities she has, and your wedding, but as a friend, I’m sure you can cut her some slack.
There was a time when women really dropped everything for a wedding, but in this day and age, I think that’s very hard. We need to adjust our expectations for bridesmaids and MOHs.
Post # 9
You and I have a very similar view about MOH’s. Some people believe, however, that they are not obligated to help with the wedding, and that being in the bridal party does not sign them up for duties. I am actually a bridesmaid in multiple weddings and when I offered help to one of my brides, who seemed very disorganized and stressed out, I was shot down pretty hard.
I would politely tell her that you picked her to be Maid/Matron of Honor because you want to have these experiences with her, and just make sure you schedule local stuff around her school schedule, if that IS the issue, which I doubt, because deciding not to do something the day of is just being a flake.