(Closed) My maid of honor blues:(

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would just have an honest heart to heart with her. Maybe she doesn’t know your expectations. I think every bride has different expectations for their Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs. I, for example, basically just expect them to be there for me on the day of my wedding, and be there for support when I’m super stressed about wedding planning lol.

Post # 4
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I suggest you let it go and come to terms with the fact that your Maid/Matron of Honor has a life outside of your wedding. She is your friend, not a worker with a ‘job.’

Post # 5
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think her not coming to the show, on barely a day’s notice, is kind of lame of her to be honest. If it had been a good reason, sure. But, I personally think you should have a talk with her one on one. Not a snarky/rude conversation, but just kind of like, “Hey, so I know you told me you wanted to be in the wedding, but I just wanted to make sure you’re up for it, since you seem pretty busy. Totally fine if you want to change your mind, and no hard feelings.” Best way I can think of as to how to ease your mind. Bridesmaids are not slaves, but you gotta have someone who is willing and able to help you out. Sounds like you’ve been pretty reasonable, giving her advance notice, etc. So, at this point I would talk.

Best wishes! 🙂

Post # 6
43 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

My Maid/Matron of Honor did the pretty much the same thing and I talked to her and demoted her and she didn’t really mind.  Though I did SEVERAL showers for her and running around with her, she doesn’t care to do the same for someone else.  And that’s fine as long as you know in advance and can find someone who will.

Post # 7
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Different people have varying levels of interest in weddings.  Perhaps your Maid/Matron of Honor just isn’t interested right now.  Its surely nothing against you.  If you need help with flowers or colors, why not ask your fiance?  No one will prioritize your wedding the same way you will.

Post # 8
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

She’s a student?  You can’t expect her to devote herself your wedding with such a huge time commitment.  As many in the wedding world say, no one else thinks your wedding is as important as you do.  Put things in perspective.

She’s your friend and she’s going to support you.  She might not have time to juggle school, her relationship, whatever other responsibilities she has, and your wedding, but as a friend, I’m sure you can cut her some slack.


There was a time when women really dropped everything for a wedding, but in this day and age, I think that’s very hard.  We need to adjust our expectations for bridesmaids and MOHs.


Post # 9
36 posts

You and I have a very similar view about MOH’s. Some people believe, however, that they are not obligated to help with the wedding, and that being in the bridal party does not sign them up for duties. I am actually a bridesmaid in multiple weddings and when I offered help to one of my brides, who seemed very disorganized and stressed out, I was shot down pretty hard.

I would politely tell her that you picked her to be Maid/Matron of Honor because you want to have these experiences with her, and just make sure you schedule local stuff around her school schedule, if that IS the issue, which I doubt, because deciding not to do something the day of is just being a flake.

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