My maid of honor has "foot in mouth" disease…

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Can you ask a BM to subtly ask about her speech or maybe hint that she doesnt think it should be too wild?

Post # 4
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@seachange:  You are not responsible or accountable for the things that may or may not come out of your MOH’s mouth and should not bother worrying about it.  If she manages to horrify the entire reception with some gastly story that may or may not offend the entire planet, she looks like some yuck mouthed miscreant…not you….just be ready with a smile and gently take the microphone away from her and let the next victim…I mean well wisher take the floor.

Post # 5
Member
4656 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I agree with Nona

Post # 6
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@seachange:  You could also lay some “ground rules” with the speech and just politely say you are trying to be considerate to your grandparents, the children, and FI’s “genteel” family. But then as Nona said, you are not responsible at the end of the day!

Post # 7
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@seachange:  I definitely think you should know what she’s got planned before she says it. Sure, she might say something else once she’s up there, but at least you will have done everything possible to avoid an embarrassing situation.

Instead of being too subtle about it, I would say something like, “Susan, I appreciate you being willing to give a speech at the reception. We really want everything to be family-appropriate, so please don’t say anything embarrassing or tell any gross stories. We don’t want anyone giving speeches that will embarrass us, so we’re telling (Best Man) the same thing. Thanks so much for understanding.”

Then closer to the wedding ….

“How is your speech coming?”

Check in with her, without making her feel like you’re babying her. She’s probably aware of what kind of sense of humour she has, and driving home the point that you want it to be family-friendly, or appropriate for your elegant venue, or you just don’t want to be humiliated on your amazing day is really important. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

@Nona99:  “You are not responsible or accountable for the things that may or may not come out of your MOH’s mouth and should not bother worrying about it.  If she manages to horrify the entire reception with some gastly story that may or may not offend the entire planet, she looks like some yuck mouthed miscreant…not you….just be ready with a smile and gently take the microphone away from her and let the next victim…I mean well wisher take the floor.

@chercee:  “I definitely think you should know what she’s got planned before she says it. Sure, she might say something else once she’s up there, but at least you will have done everything possible to avoid an embarrassing situation.

Instead of being too subtle about it, I would say something like, “Susan, I appreciate you being willing to give a speech at the reception. We really want everything to be family-appropriate, so please don’t say anything embarrassing or tell any gross stories. We don’t want anyone giving speeches that will embarrass us, so we’re telling (Best Man) the same thing. Thanks so much for understanding.

I agree with both Nona99 and chercee.

Perhaps say something to her which is similar to the comment in bold above and then take a deep breath and relax.

I’m sure people expect at least one embarrassing toast at a wedding.

Post # 9
Hostess
9908 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@seachange:  can you casual bring up something that offended DH’s family?  even if it didn’t really happen, an example of something she might bring up – so and so told DH’s mom about their daughter getting really drunk and dancing on a table and DH’s mom flipped, she’s so sensitive to things like that…

Post # 10
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

If it doesn’t upset you, maybe you could ask her not to do a speech?  I was my sister’s MOH and we only did the best man speech and then right to the bride and groom thanking everyone.  No one even noticed I didn’t speak 🙂

Post # 11
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

@seachange:  I have to share: when I first saw your post, I thought you meant she actually has “foot-and-mouth disease” — as in the virus. I thought maybe you just mistyped it. … I’m still laughing at myself over here.

ETA: Clearly, it took me a minute to get the play-on-words. Long day.

Post # 12
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@kariebee43:  Haha, that’s what I thought, too! I was like “Hand, Foot, and Mouth? That’s TERRIBLE! I hope she feels better soon!”

Post # 16
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think you have to handle this by a gentle reminder that some of the guests may not share your particular brand of humour (note that this makes it feel less about her!) and that her toast needs to reflect the somewhat more conservative. If she can’t handle what’s a clear but friendly bit of advice then it’s hope for the best time and be prepared to get the mic back before it descends too far!

Interestingly, we have a similar situation coming up. My son’s FI’s parents are coming over from the US for their wedding. My younger son is BM. We’re a family that share a very English fondness for irony and a somewhat profane dry humour. So my eldest son has also gently pointed out that his FI’s parents are not known for ribaldry so it would help if his BM noted this because nobody wants to give needless offence. Especially to a lovely couple who’ve made such a long journey and who we want to welcome, not offend, as soon as they get here!

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors