my maid of honor/sister is broke.

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@amandasouthcarolina:  

Its so disappointing when older friends/family don’t have it all figured out. I felt the same and still feel the same now. Who can we look up to in these situations? No one.

Post # 4
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well when I face difficult times, it really helps when I think about how fortunate I am to find my hubby, how fortunate everyone in my family is in good health, how fortunate to be in good health. When you think positive, you will find more positive light in life. 

Post # 5
Hostess
3787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@amandasouthcarolina:  I get it. I really do. My situation is a little different, but I totally get the whole “my family does not have it together” thing.

My mom is a wonderful person, but she is a freakin’ train wreck. She just spent about 4.5 years living with my grandparents after her loser husband left them and they lost their house. She’s gone back to school but hasn’t had a job all this time. She JUST got a job (this week, literally) and is looking at places to move to. She’s literally looking at condos that are $1000-$1400 a month! (We live in Michigan! That’s insane for a condo) She has a part time job. And she recently asked me to move in with her and my little siblings so I could help. Um, sorry. Heck no. I can’t, in good conscious enable her like that. She needs to live within her means, suck it up, and realize she’s not a princess and needs to move to a cheaper city and deal with driving the kids to school every day. Period.

I definitely have moments where it’s REALLY hard for me. I try not resent the fact that I’m a lot more functional and in many ways, “grown up” than my mom is, but sometimes its really hard. My mantra during times where it gets hard is “I am the way I am because she is the way she is.” In other words, I worked super hard to overcome my limitations because I’ve watched my mom flounder for nearly two decades. 

Also, this is also kind of true for DH’s parents. I think we are freakin’ BLESSED to have one another because we both really care about our marriage and our family, and have seen first hard how it can all play out. 

Hang in there.

Post # 6
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Thats so unfortunate 🙁 ive been lucky enough to never really have been in any dire financial situations, but ive never really been completely financially independent yet. I wish there was something i could do or say to make it all better 🙁

Post # 7
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My mom is also a train wreck. She is getting older and finding it hard to maintain a job because she has such a harsh personality that she butts heads with everyone. She is also getting a bit on the frail side because she never exercises so doing physical labor is not a possibility. This being said, I hardly make above minimum wage and she sometimes tries to guilt trip me into giving her money. I really wish I could help her, but I’ve got a mortgage and other financial obligations, ya know? She’s been like this since I was about 18, and now I’m almost 30. I feel like I’m the adult and she is the child. 

Post # 8
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

It’s a hard situation when a family member doesn’t have it together and is struggling. I’ve been payin my mother’s cell phone bill for years now!  If I didn’t pay for and make sure she had a cell phone, I would never hear from her. I need to stop mothering her. Can your sister move to a place that is cheaper to live?

Post # 9
Member
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

I’m sorry, it’s not fun to think of our older relatives as suffering financially 🙁

Post # 10
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@amandasouthcarolina:  oh my! Is she stresed about her situation or is she totally blissful?  I’d have a heart attack!

 

I think I’m the only one in my family that is doing OK financially.  My dad was a gambling addict and left my mom with $6.13 when he died and almost lost the family house.

I’d thought that my sisters would see my parents’ mistakes and take note, but they did not.  Debt, no retirement, living beyond their means.  How come only I got the message to do the opposite?

Post # 12
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@amandasouthcarolina:  It totally sucks to see people you love struggling. I do believe that most people are a product of their choices. It took me a long time to see life that way because I am a rose-colored glasses kind of girl but it’s true. Every choice we make has an impact on us, for better or worse.

I think you’re best off to keep loving your sister unconditionally. You can’t fix her problems but you can keep loving her without reserve.

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