My Maid of Horror… please help!

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I was going to ask why you asked her to be MOH. She sounds like either she’s a bitch in general or she doesn’t like you. Personally I would stop trying so hard, but that’s because I’m cynical.

You asked her where she prefers to sit and she put it back on you: I’d sit her away from the head table. 

It’s sad that she’s making things suck between your brother and your family, but it’s not up to you to fix it. And she doesn’t give a hoot anyway, so you don’t have to worry about her.

Focus on the people in your bridal party who are actually there to support you and enjoy them!

 

Post # 3
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

To be honest, I would tell her that she should attend as a guest or as a regular BM. I know that won’t make things better for your relationship, but at least you won’t have to stress out about your MOH. 

Post # 4
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

 

somethingnew:  

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it sounds awful! I’ve always understood a MOHs role to be your right hand woman, your go to girl and your support through the planning process which is why when I got engaged I immediately asked my best friend. A couple of people have asked why I didn’t ask my sister, maybe it’s seen as a snub but I chose the person who I knew would be the most supportive. I can’t imagine asking someone who’s already been, by the sounds of things, quite awful to you any your FI. You’re a better person than I am to do that in the 1<sup>st</sup> place and now, by the sounds of things she’s not doing her job. Far from planning things she’s not even taking part in things and what? If I’m reading your post right the BM and MOH might not attend the wedding?! Family unity and olive branches aside I think it’s probably time for a polite and tactful chat between the four of you (You, FI, brother and SIL) to see if you can get to the bottom of the issue, gauge whether it can be fixed and if not make a couple of changes to your wedding party. Good Luck

Post # 5
Member
2519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

somethingnew:  yeah…why the hell is she your MOH? Pick a good friend, include her in bridal party and stop worrying about her so much. She isn’t worrying much about yoiu at all and is not making any effort

I would include her in bridal party and basically expect her to show up day of ( and still invite her to any events) and thats it. Please don’t make your wedding and pre wedding events all about her!!

Post # 7
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

somethingnew:  i am all for extending the olive branch but to be your MOH on this – your most important day i think (personally) was a bit much. i would of stuck her as a BM at least. she stuck you as her BM, she disrespected your FI, she has no time for you – that sounds like a major pain in the ass to me. she clearly understands the role of a MOH as she is married herself but is not stepping up to the plate. it’s probably too late to demote her or put her as a guest without causing WWIII. that being said, have a frank and honest conversation with her. tell her how you feel and put the ball back in her court. let people know what you’ve done and how you feel so when she doesn’t step up (or if she does bonus!) it won’t make you look like the bad person. frankly, the convo should be the last olive branch you extend to her.

Post # 8
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

As my FFIL would say, “She sucks. Ditch her.” Although he’s adorable when he says that kind of thing 🙂

In any case, it is obvious from your post that she has absolutely no interest in being your MoH. None. And as awful as that is, its her right. I say invite them, but tell her you can tell she’s had some stuff going on, and that’s OK, so you don’t want to burden her with MoH duties. Pick someone who you have an established, good relationship with, to be your MoH.

Post # 9
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I know it’s way too late for this advice, but don’t pick someone to be your MOH in the hopes it will bring you closer: that has never, and will never work.

She’s obviously not interested in all the parties, etc, but do you really think she won’t show up at all? I htink you need to call her and lay it all out there. Give her an out.

Post # 10
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2000

I would ask someone else to be the MOH. It was a very poor decision (albeit for good reasons) to choose her and you really shouldn’t expect anything. SHe sounds like a complete bitch, and I’d just trust that that’s her character and be done with it. 

Post # 11
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with the PP’s. She shouldn’t be you MOH. A sufficient olive branch would’ve been asking her to be a BM, and based on what you have said about her, I wouldn’t have even offered that! She doesn’t seem interested in your wedding or your friendship. Do yourself and your SIL a favor by letting her out of this responsibility and ask a legitimate friend to fill your MOH position before it’s too late. Hopefully one of your other BM’s will be ok with being “second choice” lol.

Post # 12
Member
1435 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t worry about whether she is MOH or not.  Really it just means she stands next to you at hte ceremony and is in wedding party pictures.  In the mean time, sit her with the people she knows.  Don’t expect her to do things for you since you aren’t really that close.  It sounds to me like she might eventually be speaking up and saying she isn’t even able to attend the wedding.

Post # 13
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

why is she your MOH? honestly i would just stop worrying about her altogether. sit her with people she knows at any pre-events, and then just remind your brother to make sure plane tickets are bought/hotel reserved in enough time for the wedding.

Post # 15
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

somethingnew:  honestly she just sounds like she is making excuses and isn’t interested… I’m sorry. But really, she couldn’t come to your bachelorette because she was avoiding alcohol? I mean, was someone forcing drinks on people? Was the alcohol going to accidentally jump down her throat? Just weak excuses. I had two pregnant friends at my bachelorette. They traveled from DC to NYC for my bachelorette weekend, still went to all the events, and went back to the hotel to rest if the bar was too crowded or they felt tired. She’s basically telling you she wants to keep the relationship as is. Let it go and keep things polite but distant.

You’re a very sweet person for trying so hard and being so patient with her. 🙂 I would have snapped already!

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