- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2010
I love my in laws. They are really great people and have welcomed me into their family. We see them a lot. They live 35 minutes away and have a family dairy farm, so Darling Husband goes home on weekends, vacations and in the summer to work on the farm. He’s a teacher and his dad had 2 hip replacements, so Darling Husband and his brother do a lot to help out, but they also get paid for their work. Since my FIL’s hip replacement, nearly 2 years ago, Darling Husband and I have been there most weekends. My Mother-In-Law has done a lot for Darling Husband before I arrived in the pictures (bills, groceries, etc). She is also not the type who can sit and visit – she needs to be doing something all the time. She takes things personally sometimes too, but won’t always say something.
Now, Darling Husband and I are married, bought a house and have a baby due any minute now (literally!). She bought a pack n play for the baby to keep at her house. Darling Husband and I are going to play it by ear as far as how often we’ll be there on weekends, but plan to continue to spend about 2ish weekends a month there. She’s upset that I want the pack n play in our bedroom as opposed to the living room. My thought is that he’ll be in it when he’s sleeping, and at night I don’t want to trapse through the house to get the baby when he’s fussing. I also don’t want anyone else getting up with my baby, esp since I’ll be breastfeeding. She’s afraid the baby and I will be locked away and she’ll never see us when we are there. I’ve explained that at our house the baby will be sleeping right by my bed, and that breastfeeding in the night and changing diapers will be done in our room, because it’s easy and convenient. I won’t even have to get up. But she just isn’t getting it.
She’s also a little upset that my step mom is going to be in the room with me while I’m in labor and delivering, and she won’t be. I’ve been very open about the fact that my step mom is a nurse and I feel very reassured by having her there with me because I trust her. I trust my midwives, but I don’t know the nurses or dr’s who will step in if my midwife is busy with another mom, and whether they will know and respect my birth wishes. With my step mom there, I know without a doubt what is medically necessary and what might be being pushed on me, as well as she can interpret the pros and cons of different options. Darling Husband is terrified of hospitals, and I don’t expect him to interact with the medical staff at all while we’re there. If my step mom wasn’t a nurse, it might be different, but regardless I don’t think I’d want my Mother-In-Law there. I didn’t think it was even very common for them to be in the room.
I love my Mother-In-Law, but I am really hoping that once the baby arrives and she realizes that she’ll be very involved, she’ll relax a bit. But I am also hoping that she’ll figure out that there are some things that are just going to be done my way, and that’s all there is to it. I’m not going to stop visiting, or wanting her around because we disagree, but I’m also not going to budge on certain things.
Anyone else with a mom or Mother-In-Law who was a little stressed/overbearing who did relax after your LO arrived?
ETA: I know this comes out of a fear of being pushed out of our lives as we get busier. I don’t want that to be the case at all, but it’s like she so worried about it, that she’s not seeing how it isn’t the case at all.
Also, for the first couple of weeks or so, we are staying at home with people coming to us or just going for a few hours. We won’t be spending weekends for 4 ish weeks, depending on how things are going.