Post # 1
I’m not really a user of this site, and I know this is about weddings, but since HelloBee has a request needed to get in and I dont have one yet, I thought i’d ask here. I just need advice from somewhere.
I gave birth to my daughter about a month ago. My FI and I struggled to find a name we both liked, and we finally decided on Aubrey when I was 8 months pregnant. Once we picked Aubrey, we decided we weren’t telling anyone till she was born as we didn’t want negative opinions on literally the only name we both liked. We went with a family name, my FI’s grandmother (my MIL’s mom) name, Margrette. Her full name is Aubrey Margrette.
My MIL hasn’t liked the name Aubrey since the day she was born. She asked my FI if he was joking about the name when he went out the waiting room to annouce her birth and her name and stuff, and told me that I could always change my mind before signing the birth certificate instead of congrats. We both ignored her comments, but my MIL just won’t stop.
She told all her friends that my daughter’s name is Margrette or Maggie, and her side of the family is calling her Maggie (the nickname her mom used.) If I wanted my daughter’s name to be Maggie, I would have named her that! I’ve had to correct all her sisters and friends who found out the babies name from my MIL, and they’ve all asked us why we changed our mind from Maggie to Aubrey. Trying to explain that my MIL is just crazy isn’t easy. We think she is telling people that it’s Maggie so that theres the possibility that more people will call her Maggie, and she’ll answer to it and my MIL will get ‘rid’ of Aubrey.
She also calls her Maggie when talking about her or to her (Like “let me hold Maggie!”, which we ignore). But she’ll coo to her using Maggie. She bought her a blanket with a big M on it, which I returned for one with an A, which my FI called passive agressive, but at this point I don’t even care. My FI has tried to talk sense into my MIL, but she just claims she’s using a special nickname and feels close to her mother by calling my daughter that. But this is getting crazy. It’s not even like Maggie could possibly be a nickname for Aubrey (like if she was calling her Bree). She is simply refusing to call her by her given name.
How on earth can we stop this? My daughter’s name is not Margrette, or Maggie, and I do not want her to be called that, espeically by only one person! We’re trying to nip this in the bud before it gets too out of control.
Post # 3
Wow, this is crazy.
Have you had time for a talk with her?
Is there a reason she is all against the name Aubrey?
can you sit her down and explain that it’s your daughter, and you agreed to that name and you would very much prefer that she respect your choice?
Post # 4
@JaylaKay: O.O How weird.
Honestly, I’m pretty straight up when it comes to telling people off, and I’d probably tell her that if she couldnt call her by the right name, then she couldnt see her.
Post # 5
Etiquette Snob here… lol
One of the things you could do is send out Birth Announcements… then at least everyone in your social circle (Family & Friends) will know the truth.
Mr & Mrs JaylaKay
are happy to announce
the birth of their Daughter
on December 3, 2013
In addition, you can add secondary info, like where the Baby was born… height & weight… who the Doctors were, and if she has any older siblings… and that Mom & Baby are both doing fine
(If you plan on doing a Newspaper Announcement let me know by PM, and I’ll give you the specific wording for your situation)
Announcing her to the world, be it in the Newspaper Social Pages, or thru personalized notes (Notice I’ve indicated the Baby’s Nickname above in brackets… but you could certainly do the same with just Aubrey if that is what you intend to call her… so to show she’ll be known by her first name and not her second)… would certainly help to nip this issue in the bud.
Plain & simple your MIL is being a PITA
And someone at some point is going to have to tell her that if she continues
Hope this helps,
Post # 6
@Kili: She’s just said she dislikes Aubrey for being too modern, and just loves that we ‘named our daughter after her great grandmother’. Which we only did with the middle name, but I guess that was a bad idea. We have told her many times that her name is Aubrey, and we’d like everyone to use her correct name, but she just pulls out the “it’s a special nickname from her grandmother!”
@allyfally: I suggested this half-hearted to my FI and he got mad. I don’t think we could do that. Aside from this name issue, there’s never been any issues with my MIL. She’s a really nice person, and I love having her in my life and look forward to her as my daughter’s grandma. I have gotten to the point where I just correct her all the time.
@This Time Round: we did a Facebook annoucement with all the info, a really nice design my FI did (he’s a graphic designer), and we also printed it off and gave it to a lot of the family. They’re all understanding her name is Aubrey, it’s just my MIL calling her Maggie. And telling people it’s Maggie. I feel like I’ve got to go up to everyone my MIL talks to about her granddaughter to and be like “Her name is Aubrey, by the way, not whatever my MIL told you it is”
Post # 7
Why not just have your FI talk to her and say “Hey, it really makes us uncomfortable when you do this. We gave her your mother’s name to honor her and you, but we chose Aubrey for her first name and it hurts us when you won’t use it.” ??
Post # 8
I think she’s being very disrespectful to you, and I would tell her straight up that if she can’t call her Aubrey then she can’t see her. Your fiancé can get over the ultimatum or fix the problem himself.
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
@JaylaKay: I find it odd that your FI says it’s passive-agressive of you to exchange the blanket for one with the correct initial, but didn’t seem to think it was passive-aggressive of his mother to give you one with the wrong initial in the first place!
I agree with PP that you should really get your FI to sit your MIL down and explain to her that you want her to use Aubrey instead of Maggie. Maybe she can call her Maggie when your daughter is older, but when she’s still a baby, it may well confuse her to be called two different names!
Post # 10
@Baimee: We’ve tried, but she just pulls the “special nickname’ card, and refuses to see it as wrong.
@ImagineDragon24: we might just have to. I feel bad becase its her first grandkid, but it’s starting to feel like the only thing.
@chronicwhimsy: oh no, he thinks she’s being passive agressive as well. Although at this point, she’s more being agressive!
Post # 11
Option 1: Sit her down and talk to her. Tell her that you’re really unhappy that she’s not calling her granddaughter by the first name that you as the parents have chosen, and that if you had wanted her to be known as Maggie then you would have given her that name as her first name. Be respectful but firm.
Option 2: Buy Aubrey a whole lot of outfits like this to wear whenever she’s around extended family members –
Post # 12
I’m going to sleep now, but if anyone has any other adivce then sitting her down or giving an ultimatium, please let me know. i’m so sick of correcting her.
Post # 13
If she says it’s a special nickname, you’ll have to just say “no, Maggie is not a nickname for Aubrey. If you want to give her a special nickname, you can call her Bree” (or something similar, if you don’t like “Bree”). I’m really frustrated for you! This would drive me up the wall.
Post # 14
@JaylaKay: Let it go? I mean, I don’t know how many options you have here. If you can’t convince her then maybe just let her have her ‘special nickname’ and just make sure nobody else ends up calling her that. You said she’s a splendid person otherwise. Maybe it really does make her THAT happy to use the name. I know it’s not her first name, but at least it’s her middle one. I know people who are called by their middle name by some family members.
Post # 15
She thinks aubrey is modern!? Holy cow, this lady doesn’t know her history very well.
I agree with the others, she’s the one being heavily passive aggressive and your husband is going to have to have a talk with her.
Post # 16
Yea I would pull the “call her by her given name or you cant see her” card. It’s very rude of her to say calling her “maggie” is a special nickname and continue to do it even though you mentioned how you feel about it. It is not a nickname for Aubrey. Besides, “special” nicknames are silly words not legitimate names such as munchkin, spot, Bo, etc.
Your FI should be firm with his mother.