(Closed) My MOH backed out of my wedding 2 weeks before the wedding

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
8359 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Im sorry you are upset and I am sorry to be harsh but a Maid/Matron of Honor is not obligated to throw you a party and confronting her about it was probably too much for her.

Not getting the party you want is not worth a confrontation in my opinion.

And the fact that she has ended the relationship over this makes me think we are not hearing the full story.

Post # 5
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@j_jaye: ^^^ this

and I’m not sure I understand why you waited until two weeks out to bring your disappointment up to her? 

Post # 6
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Agree with the others.

Wake up call…

Brides shouldn’t expect things like Showers or Bachelorette Parties… they happen naturally IF someone takes the initiative to do the planning (can be a member of the Bridal Party – Family Member – Friend etc).

There is NO RULE that they are MUST HAPPEN events, they are just “niceities” IF they do happen.  Period.

Which is WHY Bride’s are then naturally SURPRISED and GRACIOUS at such events

This post makes you sound too DEMANDING, in my opinion.

Very Bridezilla-ish, so I can imagine that your Maid/Matron of Honor may have had other issues prior to this one, that broke the camel’s back. 

On the otherhand, it doesn’t sound like you had a great friendship to begin with (not being on the same page)… so wondering WHY you ever chose her ???


Post # 8
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sorry to say, but your Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t obligated to put her vacation plans on hold because you need help with wedding details. All she’s really obligated to do is put on a pretty dress and stand next to you while you say “I Do”.She’s not your wedding slave.

I’m guessing this confrontation about the bachelorette party is not the first time you’ve come down on her for not doing enough for your wedding….

Post # 9
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Theres was a lack of planning my bachlorette party. which I wasnt mad about but I wanted to talk to her about but I was disappointed…Anyways I told her I was disapointed

I couldve cared less about the party,

you cant have it both ways – i think you do care about the party because otherwise you wouldnt have spoken about it to her


Im sparing you all the details like her going on a vegas trip right before  the wedding instead of helping me with wedding details

she doesnt have to help you – she’s suppose to be your friend, not unpaid labour

im sorry she wasnt into your wedding as much as you had hoped

Post # 10
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m sorry this happened 🙁  I don’t think she should have to plan a big extravangant bachlorette but I do think that it’s tradition for the Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs the throw a bachelorette.  She didn’t say that her Maid/Matron of Honor had to throw wads of cash at the party.  She could’ve planned a local night on the town.  Which would’ve required an email/invite to the guests and to pick a day and time.

I’m not sure if you edited the op but the pp seem to be being REALLY harsh.   It’s not like you fired her or threw a hissy fit.  You were disappointed and that’s unserstandable.  Could the confrontation have waited? yes.  Was it necessary? no. 

But she seriously overreacted so it’s not like you were the only one out of line.

Post # 11
8359 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@hpsporty:  Sorry but this post isn’t helping your cause. You get one day- your wedding day and no one but your Fiance and any paid vendors are responsible for helping you with wedding stuff. I am sorry your friend didn’t offer to help out but maybe your expectations were too high or you asked too much.

If you value your friendship with this woman then call her, go around to her house and apologise for what you said. Then talk about how much she means to you and how you want her there on your wedding day. I would also ask her how you upset her so that you can understand where she is coming from.

Post # 13
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@j_jaye:  That’s a good idea. 

I haven’t asked a SINGLE thing of my BM’s, I wish I had though. It’s all so overwhelming:( I do want details about what else has gone on…Vent away! 

Post # 14
39 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think some of you may be being a tab bit too harsh.  I can’t think of any brides that wouldn’t be a little dissapointed that no one threw her a bachelorette party.  Every wedding that I’ve ever been a bridesmaid in, every single bridesmaid helped plan and pay (some more than others) for the shower/bachelorette party because we love and care about our friend/family member that is getting married.  I honestly would feel TERRIBLE if I was in a wedding and none of us bridesmaids got together and gave the bride a bachelorette party.  Its not like it needs to be expensive…it’s usually just a night out on the town anyway, so this can be just a simple matter of picking a place and a time and getting everyone together.  Not hard.  And if you care at all about your friend getting married, you’ll happily do it.  I think every bride deserveres to have these things, as 99% of all bride’s do.  You only get married once (well, maybe not), but as a maid I do expect to be able to let the bride enjoy these once and a life time things.  Unless there are circumstances where everyone lives in different parts of the country and it’s near impossible to plan, I think it says a lot about your relationships with your maids if none of them thought to do this for you.  My friends/family and I wouldn’t think twice about planning a bachelorette and I feel sad for any bride that doesn’t have women in her life that are willing to do the same.

That all being said, I’m sure there’s much more to this story than we know, as I can’t see how this conversation in itself would lead to her backing out of the wedding.

On a side note – later you said you were mad that your friend went to vegas instead of helping with your last minute details.  That, on the other hand, totally not her responsibility.  Ask your fiance to help with that.  Can’t expect her to put her life on hold for that.

Post # 15
39 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

Edit – I just read your prior post about your bachelorette party.  Perhaps your Maid/Matron of Honor was a little overwhelmed and thought you were being a bit too demanding.  I can see you wanted a limo and this and that.  Just my thoughts – should probably leave the planning to the one throwing you the party.  You were mad she didn’t look into limo prices and that, but maybe that was out of her budget? If you really wanted to know, perhaps you could’ve called a few limo places yourself.  It would’ve only taken a few mintutes.

Seems like a lot of this could have been avoided by better communication.  Seems like her expectations of being a Maid/Matron of Honor and your expectations of being a Maid/Matron of Honor are vastly different.

Post # 16
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

She’s an airhead and has no clue.  <—-Taken from last nights post 

Maybe she read that… or could tell this is how you felt about her…

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