(Closed) My MOH brings out the worst in me.

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
8464 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@anonamee23:  Well just know that if you ask her to step down you are probably ending the friendship altogether.  It sounds like she’s just a terrible friend, so it’s not much of a loss.  Do you have mutual friends?  It could put a strain on those friendships too, but it might be worth it so you don’t have to deal with someone like her on your wedding day.  Your MOH should be your best friend, not a “frenemy.”

Post # 4
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You are in control of your behavior and reactions to another person, so if you truly feel like she brings out the worst in you, stop hanging out with her. I am always baffled when I see post like this, why have someone as your maid of honor behaving like that?

 

I think it’s either one of the following:

 

A. Weddings are stressful and can bring out the worst in you and her

 

B. For whatever reason this wedding has caused her to act differently and they may be some underlying  reasons why

 

or what typically is more then likely in these cases

 

C. She always behaved like that, you probably always hated it and disliked her behavior, and you somehow thought she act differently during the wedding planning process, which I think foolish because people like that tend to double down and get worse in those types of situations.

 

You can end the friendship, and ask her to leave the wedding, or tolerate her and her bad behavior and have someone bringing negative energy to you on your wedding day.You are in control of the situation and yourself so you need to decide what you are going to do about it. Good luck.

 

Post # 5
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@housebee:  Your MOH should be your best friend, not a “frenemy.” <


THIS! +1

Post # 7
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Ew… I would just write out how you feel (since she won’t let you tell her) and email it or send it or give it to her in person and ask her to step down. I mean do you really want someone like that in your life?

Post # 8
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@anonamee23:  I’m just curious but why did you make this person your MOH to begin with?

If she’s not open to talking and is basically making everyone miserable and if you are absolutely sure there’s no resolution, then yes, pay for her dress and ask her to step down.  This will mean you are severing the friendship but it sounds like you’re ready to do that.

Post # 10
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@anonamee23:  Can you talk to her?

 

One of my MOH’s is very much like this. And like you, I outgrew it. But she didn’t. Ultimately, I know she’s a great person but she doesn’t let it shine as much as she could. I am really firm but kind with her. I realized she is who she is and I love most of her but I don’t have to let the parts I’m not crazy about let me down. I keep my distance and just focus on the good stuff. Not everyone is going to act how we think they should just because we get married. 🙁 This was hard for me to get.

Post # 12
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@anonamee23:  I agree she should do all those things as your friend, not just as MOH. I do totally get where you are coming from. I’m just saying you either have to accept her as is & maybe keep your distance or step away completely. That’s what I was trying to convey. 

She just isn’t “there”. I know it’s hurtful & frustrating & I’m sorry you are going through it. 

 

Post # 13
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yikes.  Normally I don’t advocate asking people to step down, but it doesn’t sound like you want to be friends with this girl any more (and I can’t blame you).  I would explain to her, either in person or via email, that you feel as though you’ve drifted apart and that you don’t have much in common any more.  You appreciated her friendship in college, but it’s just not working any more.  Tell her you don’t think you should hang out any more and say you think it’s best if she wasn’t your MOH.  I would try and avoid blaming her for stuff as it would just create more drama. 

Good luck and I’m sorry!

Post # 14
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@anonamee23:  Can you give examples of what she says/does?  I’m really just being nosey here but it also might help to know about what she’s actually doing and saying.

When I was in my early twenties I had a frenemy that was really obnoxious.  She was all into trying to impress people, was really competitive and tried to “outdo” everyone in our circle. 

Even then, I knew she was obnoxious but it wsan’t until I had a few years under my belt that I realized just how ridiculous, foolish and shallow she was – and that she also lived well above her means just so she could feel like she was ahead.    

If your friend feels the need to put others down then she’s likely very insecure and/or immature.  If you can realize that it might lessen her ability to annoy you.

Post # 15
Member
1151 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I had to ask my MOH to step down about a month ago. She was selfish, mean and made it clear that our friendship was a burden she didn’t have time for. She wouldn’t meet me in person, so I wrote her an email explaining that our friendship had faded and I didn’t think it was best for her to be the MOH. I offered for her to just be a BM but then she said no, but she’d be a guest at the wedding. In the end, I told her there wasn’t a friendship to salvage and that it made me very sad. She flipped out, but man was I glad it was over! She stressed me out and clearly wasn’t a friend. It sucked because my grandma had already made the dress and I had previously tried to smooth things over, but it got so bad that I just had to be done. 

If you don’t mind the friendship being over, I’d just send her an email explaining that it makes you sad, but there isn’t anything left to the friendship and it would be better for everyone if she stepped down out of the wedding. 

I hope you get this solved quickly! I know how stressful it is!

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